FEBRUARY 2020 - AudioFile
Author and narrator Peggy Orenstein is no stranger to conversations about sex. Here she casts a comprehensive look at how young men navigate intimacy. Her conversational pace and tonal shifts lend themselves well to an audiobook that features several interviews as it engages listeners with a deeper understanding of how boys think and behave. Orenstein includes perspectives from a variety of men, both cisgender and transgender, white and people of color, revealing just how much boys want to talk about their feelings and experiences despite their parents and role models frequently avoiding such conversations. This is an excellent audio choice, especially for caregivers who want to improve their conversations about sex with boys and gain a deeper understanding of what perpetuates toxic masculinity. A.K.R. © AudioFile 2020, Portland, Maine
Publishers Weekly
★ 10/28/2019
Journalist Orenstein (Girls & Sex) talks with high school– and college-age boys and men about sex in this candid and fascinating portrait of young American masculinity. Conducting more than 100 interviews with males ages 16–22 throughout America, Orenstein shares a narrative of “toxic masculinity”—exemplified by emotional suppression, casual homophobia, and bragging about sexual conquests—and unveils a “historically unprecedented” availability—and habitual watching—of porn, with boys beginning to watch it as early as sixth grade. The damaging effects of this trend are reflected in misconceptions about women, and also result in boys who are unprepared for real-life relationships. Orenstein’s scope is wide, as she delves into the lives of gay and transgender boys and men and interviews young black men at predominantly white schools who stringently follow the rules of “consent,” wary of severe punishment for any hint of improper behavior. Among other conclusions, the author demands that parents “get over it” and talk openly with their kids about sex and intimacy. The #MeToo movement, she asserts, is not only a chance for girls to expose sexual misconduct, but also an opportunity to raise boys up to be compassionate, responsible men. Expertly written and sometimes disturbing, but always informative, Orenstein’s latest is a valuable reference for parents of teenage boys and young men. (Jan.)
From the Publisher
Essential." — People
“[Joins] Orenstein’s provocative 2016 hit Girls & Sex as another game changer…. Candor, empathy and easy humor … animate her reporting.” — San Francisco Chronicle
“A brisk, bracing read, Boys & Sex is essential for any parent who wants their son to avoid the traps of what’s become known as “toxic masculinity,” to discover his true sexual orientation and desires without trauma, and to have not just safe, legal sex but really great sex. The whip-smart Orenstein … makes a convincing case for why parents who were aware of her work with girls and used to say they were relieved to have sons now “realized that their job may actually be harder: they had to raise good men,” as she writes.” — Men’s Health
“Eye-opening…. Every few pages, the boy world cracks open a little bit…. Even in the most anxiety-provoking moments of Boys & Sex, it’s clear that Orenstein believes in the goodness of boys and the men they can become, and she believes in us, as parents, to raise them. As for how? There’s a great, galvanizing chapter at the end.” — New York Times Book Review
“[Orenstein] trains her expert eye on the world of adolescent boys, and the unique set of challenges that young men are facing today. Boys & Sex is not just a candid and often devastating view into the lives of real high school and college boys right now; it's an affirmation of hope, and an exercise in the power of listening.” — Salon
“A sobering look at the landscape in which young men are growing up — and an invitation for the grown-ups in their lives to offer a lot more support and direction.” — Chicago Tribune
“Expertly written.... [A] candid and fascinating portrait of young American masculinity.” — Publishers Weekly, starred review
“Essential reading.” — PureWow
“Peggy Orenstein has done something rare. She has listened to young men in ways that have allowed them to speak candidly about the fraught world of their sexuality, and she has been true to the complexities of their experiences — their hopes but also the fears, shame, pressures and angers that cause them to violate others and corrode their capacity for care and love. What they say is scary and heartbreaking and vitally important for us all to hear. This is a bracing, insightful, humane, engaging, invaluable book. And it charts the course for real change.” — Richard Weissbourd, Senior Lecturer and Faculty Director of Making Caring Common, Harvard Graduate School of Education
“Masculinity doesn’t have to be toxic—but so much of what we communicate to boys about masculinity is just that. The amazing Peggy Orenstein does more than just document the atrocities. She listens to boys and bears witness to their efforts to free themselves from trap the culture sets for them. Boys & Sex is required reading for anyone who has ever loved, raised, been, or will become a boy.” — Dan Savage, bestselling author and host of Savage Podcast
“As a psychotherapist who's raising a boy, I can't think of a more important book for our times. Eye-opening and nuanced, this compassionate exploration of boys' sexual lives gives voice to their deepest struggles and should be mandatory reading for anyone who cares about the next generation—which is to say, all of us.” — Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
“Peggy Orenstein dared to do what so many of us are afraid of: actually ask boys about sex and then listen to what they had to say. She has given boys the opportunity to speak honestly about their feelings around sexuality, pornography, gender, consent and so much more. Their answers are illuminating, often times surprising—and essential.” — Nick Kroll, co-creator, writer, and star of Big Mouth
Forget what you thought you knew about boys and sex. Here, at last, is an honest book about the sexual lives of boys and young men; the good, the bad, the endlessly complicated and emotionally fraught. Peggy Orenstein has peeled back typical male bravado and exposed the raw hearts of boys struggling to navigate a confusing sexual landscape. Boys & Sex is a crucial contribution to the long overdue conversation about masculinity.” — Michael Ian Black, author, comedian, and actor
PureWow
Essential reading.”
Chicago Tribune
A sobering look at the landscape in which young men are growing up — and an invitation for the grown-ups in their lives to offer a lot more support and direction.”
New York Times Book Review
Eye-opening…. Every few pages, the boy world cracks open a little bit…. Even in the most anxiety-provoking moments of Boys & Sex, it’s clear that Orenstein believes in the goodness of boys and the men they can become, and she believes in us, as parents, to raise them. As for how? There’s a great, galvanizing chapter at the end.
Richard Weissbourd
Peggy Orenstein has done something rare. She has listened to young men in ways that have allowed them to speak candidly about the fraught world of their sexuality, and she has been true to the complexities of their experiences — their hopes but also the fears, shame, pressures and angers that cause them to violate others and corrode their capacity for care and love. What they say is scary and heartbreaking and vitally important for us all to hear. This is a bracing, insightful, humane, engaging, invaluable book. And it charts the course for real change.”
Dan Savage
Masculinity doesn’t have to be toxic—but so much of what we communicate to boys about masculinity is just that. The amazing Peggy Orenstein does more than just document the atrocities. She listens to boys and bears witness to their efforts to free themselves from trap the culture sets for them. Boys & Sex is required reading for anyone who has ever loved, raised, been, or will become a boy.
Men’s Health
A brisk, bracing read, Boys & Sex is essential for any parent who wants their son to avoid the traps of what’s become known as “toxic masculinity,” to discover his true sexual orientation and desires without trauma, and to have not just safe, legal sex but really great sex. The whip-smart Orenstein … makes a convincing case for why parents who were aware of her work with girls and used to say they were relieved to have sons now “realized that their job may actually be harder: they had to raise good men,” as she writes.”
People
Essential."
San Francisco Chronicle
[Joins] Orenstein’s provocative 2016 hit Girls & Sex as another game changer…. Candor, empathy and easy humor … animate her reporting.
Salon
[Orenstein] trains her expert eye on the world of adolescent boys, and the unique set of challenges that young men are facing today. Boys & Sex is not just a candid and often devastating view into the lives of real high school and college boys right now; it's an affirmation of hope, and an exercise in the power of listening.”
San Francisco Chronicle
[Joins] Orenstein’s provocative 2016 hit Girls & Sex as another game changer…. Candor, empathy and easy humor … animate her reporting.
Chicago Tribune
A sobering look at the landscape in which young men are growing up — and an invitation for the grown-ups in their lives to offer a lot more support and direction.”
Michael Ian Black
Forget what you thought you knew about boys and sex. Here, at last, is an honest book about the sexual lives of boys and young men; the good, the bad, the endlessly complicated and emotionally fraught. Peggy Orenstein has peeled back typical male bravado and exposed the raw hearts of boys struggling to navigate a confusing sexual landscape. Boys & Sex is a crucial contribution to the long overdue conversation about masculinity.
Lori Gottlieb
As a psychotherapist who's raising a boy, I can't think of a more important book for our times. Eye-opening and nuanced, this compassionate exploration of boys' sexual lives gives voice to their deepest struggles and should be mandatory reading for anyone who cares about the next generation—which is to say, all of us.
Nick Kroll
Peggy Orenstein dared to do what so many of us are afraid of: actually ask boys about sex and then listen to what they had to say. She has given boys the opportunity to speak honestly about their feelings around sexuality, pornography, gender, consent and so much more. Their answers are illuminating, often times surprising—and essential.
Brad Wieners
A brisk, bracing read, Boys & Sex is essential for any parent who wants their son to avoid the traps of what’s become known as “toxic masculinity,” to discover his true sexual orientation and desires without trauma, and to have not just safe, legal sex but really great sex. The whip-smart Orenstein … makes a convincing case for why parents who were aware of her work with girls and used to say they were relieved to have sons now “realized that their job may actually be harder: they had to raise good men,” as she writes.”
Mary Elizabeth Williams
[Orenstein] trains her expert eye on the world of adolescent boys, and the unique set of challenges that young men are facing today. Boys & Sex is not just a candid and often devastating view into the lives of real high school and college boys right now; it's an affirmation of hope, and an exercise in the power of listening.”
Heidi Stevens
A sobering look at the landscape in which young men are growing up — and an invitation for the grown-ups in their lives to offer a lot more support and direction.”
Jessica Zack
[Joins] Orenstein’s provocative 2016 hit Girls & Sex as another game changer…. Candor, empathy and easy humor … animate her reporting.
Library Journal
01/24/2020
With Girls and Sex, Orenstein presented a powerful glimpse into the lives of teenage girls, with an adept mix of personal connection, theoretical acumen, and action-based advice. This new work begins with a similar promise: By interviewing young men and collecting data for two years, Orenstein developed insights into her subjects' ideas of masculinity and how society can steer young men away from misogynistic patterns. Orenstein ably unpacks how boys are impacted when men in positions of authority allow for microaggressions and misconduct to persist. Throughout her research, the author built trusting relationships with interviewees of varied racial, ethnic, gender, and sexual identities. However, white, upper-middle-class men receive much of the attention, and issues of socioeconomic class are not touched on. Orenstein concludes with a call to action that requires first, redefining masculinity and second, individualized strategies for talking early and often to boys about sexuality, envisioning a new paradigm that seems impossibly out of reach yet also aspirational owing to many moving exchanges with her subjects.
VERDICT A thought-provoking read for all interested in gender studies.—Emily Bowles, Univ. of Wisconsin, Madison
FEBRUARY 2020 - AudioFile
Author and narrator Peggy Orenstein is no stranger to conversations about sex. Here she casts a comprehensive look at how young men navigate intimacy. Her conversational pace and tonal shifts lend themselves well to an audiobook that features several interviews as it engages listeners with a deeper understanding of how boys think and behave. Orenstein includes perspectives from a variety of men, both cisgender and transgender, white and people of color, revealing just how much boys want to talk about their feelings and experiences despite their parents and role models frequently avoiding such conversations. This is an excellent audio choice, especially for caregivers who want to improve their conversations about sex with boys and gain a deeper understanding of what perpetuates toxic masculinity. A.K.R. © AudioFile 2020, Portland, Maine
Kirkus Reviews
★ 2019-10-23
Candid information on what boys really think and do when it comes to sex.
After spending more than two decades examining the lives of girls, Orenstein (Girls & Sex, 2016, etc.) realized that "if I truly wanted to help promote safer, more enjoyable, more egalitarian, more humane sexual relationships among young people, I needed to go back into their world and have the other half of the conversation." Boys and parents of boys will thank the author for her work as she shares the complex sexual world she discovered via interviews with more than 100 young men, psychologists, and other experts. She exposes the trashy locker-room talk prevalent in athletic circles and how it is difficult for boys to speak up against such behavior for fear of losing their own place in the male world. She gives graphic, sometimes unsettling descriptions of boys and their consumption of pornography, which many use as their only source of information on what a sexual relationship should entail. Orenstein also shares numerous stories about boys realizing their inappropriate behavior with girls, and she chronicles how, even while they feel shame and regret, they may still avoid self-criticism in order to fit in with their peers. The author is inclusive in her study, portraying the experiences of a wide variety of boys, including people of color and gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals. Orenstein effectively covers the issue of consent and includes stories of men who have been aggressively forced into sex by girls, and she also shows how girls can damage a boy's reputation by sharing specific details of an unsuccessful sexual encounter. Ultimately, the author's research opens up a welcome forum for exploring "a hunger for more guidance about growing up, hooking up, and finding love in a new era."
A highly constructive analysis that provides many topics for exploration and discussion by parents and others who interact with boys.
