Read an Excerpt
Beyond the Broken Heart
Daily Devotions for Your Grief Journey
By Julie Yarbrough Abingdon Press
Copyright © 2012 Julie Yarbrough
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4267-5868-3
CHAPTER 1
Grief Is Sorrow
Did I expect to have the joy without the sorrow? Somewhere in the corner of our shared heart we were aware of the potential for hurt if one of us should die, but we had no idea of the pain of sorrow. Amid my blinding grief and raging sorrow, I encountered my human frailties up close and personal. My spirit vehemently resisted the emotional treachery of loss.
In a sermon on "Grief and Death" my husband, Leighton, said, "I can commend to you a God who loves you, cares about you, who will hold you in his arms if you will let Him." As he spoke, he poured his power and passion into the word cares. He did not know then that his words of grace and comfort would be meant for me.
Preparation
Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eye wastes away from grief, my soul and body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my misery, and my bones waste away. Psalm 31:9-10 NRSV
Thought: Grief is sorrow. When the last guest has left, you find yourself alone with grief. It may be then that the raw sorrow of grief descends upon your broken heart. When one you love dies, sorrow is, in fact, your deep emotional reaction to death—perhaps with painful physical symptoms that mirror your emotional devastation. Your head aches. Your stomach churns. This is how sorrow feels. It is a state of soulless heartache. The sorrow that surrounds death is as real as anything in your life. Yet you are assured that God feels your pain. God shares your tears and sadness. God is equal to your sorrow. God is with you as you struggle in your brokenness. God is with you as you grieve.
Prayer: God, I am broken. Sorrow surrounds me; sorrow is deep within me. You alone know my inmost heart. Amen.
Assurance:God knows my sorrowing heart.
Week 1 – Shock
Day 1
My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Psalm 119:28 NIV
Thought: Grief is shock at the interruption of life's plans. Your initial reaction to death is shock. Shock plunges you headlong into sorrow. In grief, shock and sorrow are inextricably linked. In the emotionally arduous hours and days that follow the death of your loved one, you are shocked and stunned by the bitter reality of death. God uses shock to protect you from the rude impact of death. God understands completely what has happened even though you do not. Rely on God's strength.
Prayer: God, I am shocked by the death of my beloved. How can this be my reality? My soul is weary with sorrow. Give me strength, I pray. Amen.
Assurance:God knows that I am in shock.
Day 2
The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Psalm 116:3 NIV
Thought: Shock is a front-end collision with human mortality. On impact, you experience the full force of shock. You simply cannot believe that the one you love has died. Even if you were there at the last breath of your loved one, there is utter disbelief. If death occurred suddenly and unexpectedly, your shock is intensified by the unreality of circumstance and the unfairness of death. It is incomprehensible that your loved one is gone. For a while you may feel strangled as anguish, distress, and sorrow overcome you. God is with you through the shock of grief.
Prayer: God, somewhere in the depth of my mind I am grasping at the reality of death. But the finality of death is still too shocking. I cannot think. Help me in my distress. Amen.
Assurance:God will untangle my heart and soul as I grieve.
Day 3
O my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me. Jeremiah 8:18 NIV
Thought: In shock, you feel faint. Even if death was expected, you are out of balance because of what has happened. Death can cause emotional, mental, and even physical shock. You may be unable to hear what others say to you as they try to explain what happened. When you experience shock, it is not unusual to feel detached and disconnected from yourself and from others. This is full-blown shock. God upholds you when you are faint from shock.
Prayer: God, I am usually so strong and capable. But I am scarcely functioning. Uphold me in body and in spirit. Amen.
Assurance:When I am in shock, I can yield to the power of God's protection.
Day 4
How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? Psalm 13:2 NRSV
Thought: Shock enshrouds you in its protection, which at once insulates and smothers you. You may go through the rites and rituals of death with vague detachment from the surreal perspective of shock. Perhaps you remember; perhaps it all seems like an out-of-body experience. Yet grief insists that you comprehend the reality of death so that one day you will no longer have sorrow in your heart. God is here. God alone knows your sorrow.
Prayer: God, I am in pain in my soul. It is so great that I can hardly bear it. I am distraught over the death of my beloved. This does not feel like love. Amen.
Assurance:God understands my pain.
Day 5
I will turn their mourning into joy, I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13 NRSV
Thought: When you are in shock, it is difficult to imagine ever again feeling anything. Comfort? You are numb, dumbfounded by death. Gladness? It seems impossible when sorrow overwhelms every fiber of your being. Joy? For now, it is a remembrance of that which has passed away. One day your sorrow will cease and mourning will turn into joy. God comforts you now.
Prayer: God, I feel nothing except my searing sorrow. Are your promises really for me? Help me in this moment so that I may yet live. Amen.
Assurance:Though it may seem impossible to believe God's promises right now, I know they are true.
Day 6
The LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end. Isaiah 60:20 NIV
Thought: You listen at the door, expecting your loved one to return, hoping against hope that your dawning reality is only a bad dream, like a nightmare that frightens and then quickly fades. Shock is darkness, a place of emotional blackout. For a while you must grope through the unfamiliar darkness of death. Somewhere there is yet light, even everlasting light. God's light surrounds you amid the darkness of shock and sorrow.
Prayer: God, thank you for the assurance of light. Through the darkness of my sorrow, shine your light into the corners of my broken heart. Amen.
Assurance:.God is my everlasting light.
Day 7 – Rest for Your Soul
The LORD has added sorrow to my pain; I am worn out with groaning and find no rest. Jeremiah 45:3 NIV
Thought: When shock has taken up residence in your heart, your sustained pain and sorrow are emotionally and physically wearying. You may not be able to sleep, or your sleep may be restless and wakeful. Your dreams interrupt you with hope and then quickly remind you of death. Your mind cannot turn off. You find no rest for your body or soul. You must do nothing for a while to recover physically from the shock of grief. Begin today. Remember to breathe. Consciously inhale. Consciously exhale. Step outside for fresh air. Breathe. Rest. There is life beyond grief.
Prayer: God, my exterior is stalwart, but I am worn out with my inward groaning. There is no rest for my body or soul. But I know that there is rest in you, who gives life. Help me to rest, to breathe, to live. Amen.
Assurance:God wants me to care for myself even in my sorrow and pain.
Week 2 – Anger
Day 1
Be angry but do not sin. Ephesians 4:26 NRSV
Thought: Grief is anger at the untimeliness of death. When shock gradually lifts, anger may show up unannounced. Anger may surprise you with its force and power. You are not prepared for its full frontal assault on your heart. Anger thrives and consumes vital energy if you provide a place in your heart for it to take root and grow. Anger is a manageable, short-term reaction to the death of your loved one.
Prayer: God, I am shocked by the anger in my heart. I want to lash out and blame someone for the death of my loved one. May my anger not become sin. Amen.
Assurance:Anger is a normal response to the injustice of death.
Day 2
Do not be quick to anger. Ecclesiastes 7:9 NRSV
Thought: Anger is a common emotional reflex to your separation from the one loved and lost to death. Yet anger is an emotion you are expected to ignore and resolve, especially when you grieve. Because society sees anger as a sign of weakness, you may feel pressure to repress your anger. When you deny your anger, you may experience both physical and emotional symptoms that add to your pain of loss. When you acknowledge your anger, then you are ready to work toward its positive resolution.
Prayer: God, I am usually not an angry person. Yet I am so angry in my heart right now that my loved one died and left me. Help me to understand this anger that separates me from you. Amen.
Assurance:Anger is a by-product of grief.
Day 3
Put aside all bitterness, losing your temper, anger, shouting, and slander, along with every other evil. Ephesians 4:31 CEB
Thought: It is hard work to sort through your emotions after death. As you confront anger, you realize that it is not wrong to experience it as long as you understand its cause and manage it constructively. Think about the target of your anger. Is it your husband or wife, your mother or father, or other family members? Are you angry at doctors or medical personnel who could not save your loved one? Are you angry at friends who do not understand your grief? Are you angry at yourself? Are you angry at God? Be honest with yourself about your anger.
Prayer: God, I am angry that there was no happy ending to life. And I confess that I am angry that you did not intervene to spare the life of my beloved. Help me to put aside my anger. Amen.
Assurance:Instead of nurturing anger, I can name it and confront it.
Day 4
Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God's righteousness. James 1:19-20 NRSV
Thought: When anger occupies your thoughts, it reminds you of your guilt and regrets. Most survivors have some regret or guilt, whether real or imagined. Perhaps your anger is driven by the futility of what "might have been." Or you may have guilt and regret about the "could, would, and should" of grief. Listen to what your heart is telling you about your anger.
Prayer: God, my mind is infested with anger. My guilt and regret occupy precious space in my mind and heart that I need for grieving. May I be slow to speak and slow to anger but quick to listen to you. Amen.
Assurance:When I identify my unresolved issues of guilt and regret, I am able to release them.
Day 5
Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV
Thought: Love is not easily angered. Grief may cause unfamiliar anger to surge in a momentary lapse of love. Slowly you resolve your anger by giving it latitude and allowing it to abate over time. You abandon anger when you realize that it really has no part in love.
Prayer: God, I feel the effects of anger on my body and soul. I pray for the resolve to let it go in the name of love. Amen.
Assurance:It is easier to release anger than to hold on to it.
Day 6
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Psalm 37:8 ESV
Thought: Sometimes in grief you simply must be angry for a while until you get it out, examine it, and understand it. Although anger is unhealthy if it escalates beyond reason or is expressed in harmful ways, for some anger is a necessary part of grief. If this is your experience, at some point likely you will realize that you are unwilling to spend more of your mental resources on the nonproductive emotion of anger. You overpower your anger when you forgive. Determine whom or what it is you need to forgive.
Prayer: God, I do not want to be angry forever. May I recognize the need to forgive, even as you forgive me for my anger in grief. Amen.
Assurance:I feel immediate relief when I forsake anger.
Day 7 – Rest for Your Soul
Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Ephesians 4:26b NASB
Thought: It is exhausting to be angry all the time. Anger consumes your mind and frays your spirit. Even if you let it go and forgive, anger may still flare up from time to time along your grief journey. It is difficult to forget the indignity of death. Resolving your anger before the sun sets each day is a habit worth acquiring. When there is no carryover of anger from day to day, you experience the benefit of release.
Prayer: God, I need to put down my anger and rest today. Help me resolve each day to master the anger of grief. Amen.
Assurance:I let go of my anger a little more each day.
Week 3 – Fear
Day 1
Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free. With the LORD on my side I do not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:5-6 RSV
Thought: Grief is, in part, fear of the unknown, of how life will be without your loved one. Fear is part of the grieving process. In grief you encounter new fears every day. It may seem as if fear cloaks you every minute of every day. Grief magnifies your human capacity for fear. When someone you love dies, what you fear most becomes reality. Though fear is a common response to death, it need not be a permanent fixture in your life.
Prayer: God, I am in distress. Fear has a powerful grip on my heart and mind. I pray that I may feel your presence so that I will not be so fearful every day. Amen.
Assurance:I will not allow fear to define my life.
Day 2
For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Do not fear, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 NRSV
Thought: When your world is shaken by the death of your loved one, fear ambushes you when you are unprepared and least able to defend yourself. The power of fear is that it threatens to paralyze you. For no other reason than your grief, you may suddenly feel incompetent. Fear entices you to feel hopeless. You recognize the hold that fear has on your life when your confidence becomes self-doubt and your certainty becomes second-guessing. Fear is overcome by the strength of God's hand.
Prayer: God, I need you to hold my right hand because I am immobilized by fear. May I hear your voice whisper in my heart, "Do not fear." God, help me. Amen.
Assurance:I have within me the spiritual resources to disable fear.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Beyond the Broken Heart by Julie Yarbrough. Copyright © 2012 Julie Yarbrough. Excerpted by permission of Abingdon Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
