Being a Ballerina: The Power and Perfection of a Dancing Life

by Gavin Larsen

Overview

Finalist, the Arts Club of Washington Marfield Prize

A look inside a dancer’s world

Inspiring, revealing, and deeply relatable, Being a Ballerina is a firsthand look at the realities of life as a professional ballet dancer. Through episodes from her own career, Gavin Larsen describes the forces that drive a person to study dance; the daily balance that dancers navigate between hardship and joy; and the dancer’s continual quest to discover who they are as a person and as an artist.

Starting with her arrival as a young beginner at a class too advanced for her, Larsen tells how the embarrassing mistake ended up helping her learn quickly and advance rapidly. In other stories of her early teachers, training, and auditions, she explains how she gradually came to understand and achieve what she and her body were capable of.

Larsen then re-creates scenes from her experiences in dance companies, from unglamorous roles to exhilarating performances. Working as a ballerina was shocking and scary at first, she says, recalling unexpected injuries, leaps of faith, and her constant struggle to operate at the level she wanted—but full of enormously rewarding moments. Larsen also reflects candidly on her difficult decision to retire at age 35.

An ideal read for aspiring dancers, Larsen’s memoir will also delight experienced dance professionals and fascinate anyone who wonders what it takes to live a life dedicated to the perfection of the art form.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780813065953
Publisher:	University Press of Florida
Publication date:	04/27/2021
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	753,006
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Gavin Larsen was a professional ballet dancer for 18 years before retiring in 2010. A principal dancer with the Oregon Ballet Theatre, she also danced with the Suzanne Farrell Ballet and Alberta Ballet and as a guest artist with Ballet Victoria. She has written for Pointe, Dance Teacher, Dance Spirit, Dancing Times, Oregon ArtsWatch, Dance/USA’s From the Green Room, the Maine Review, and The Threepenny Review, among others. She writes and teaches in Asheville, North Carolina.

Table of Contents

Preface xi

Part 1

1 The Eight-Year-Old, Part 1: The New York School of Ballet 3

2 How to Be a Ballerina, Part 1 6

3 The Eight-Year-Old, Part 2: The Greek 8

4 How to Be a Ballerina, Part 2 12

5 The Triple 15

6 How to Be a Ballerina, Part 3 18

7 The Eleven-Year-Old, Part 1: The Audition 21

8 The Eleven-Year-Old, Part 2: Madame Dudin 24

9 How to Be a Ballerina, Part 4 27

10 The First Nutcracker 29

11 Waving Goodbye 35

12 Detective Work 39

13 Stretching 41

14 The Fifteen-Year-Old and Mr. Rapp 42

15 The Sixteen-Year-Old's Epiphany, Part 1 46

16 The Sixteen-Year-Old's Epiphany, Part 2 49

17 Tumey 51

18 Making Shapes 56

19 Crumpled 58

20 Turning Point 61

Part 2

21 The Summer of 1992 69

22 Chateau Ste. Michelle: My Big Break 76

23 Making a Living Being Tired 80

24 Ballerina Doll 82

25 Orange 84

26 Cinderella 89

27 Rejected 90

28 Glace Bay 99

29 Vertigo, Part 1 102

30 The Rib-Cracking Episode 111

31 "You Were the Music" 113

32 Boo Hoo, Jeremy Denk 118

33 Suzanne 123

34 Places 131

35 Quivering 134

36 I Think I Was Perfect, Once 136

37 Henry's Living Room 140

38 The Fourth Wall 145

39 Big Hair 149

40 Theaters Are Mysterious Places 154

41 Into the Night 157

42 A Prayer 159

43 Curtain In 161

44 Helena 165

45 "I've Never Heard You Make a Noise Like That" 169

46 The Human Monolith 174

47 A Conversation with My Feet 176

48 My Little Toe 179

49 The Millionth Nutcracker 182

50 No Tights 187

51 The Highest Note 190

52 Vertigo, Part 2 196

53 Scarred 200

54 A Boyfriend and a Cat 204

55 Precision, Perfection, and Mistakes 212

56 Final Curtain 218

57 The Drive Home 226

Afterword: The Time I Taught Someone Something 229

Acknowledgments 233

Appendix 1 Meeting My Maker 237

Appendix 2 How to … 241

Appendix 3 Places I've Performed 249

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“This is the best book I’ve ever read about becoming and being a dancer. Every word rings true.”—Robert Gottlieb, editor and dance critic

“Larsen relates in great detail and remarkable prose how she became a ballerina. With her we enter a school. With her we enter a theater. With her we listen in the wings and rush out onto the stage, the destination of her desire, the music her guide. We read about the difficult training that must be mastered and the fragility of the body during the process of learning technique. We learn about the joy of performance. I loved reading it.”—Allegra Kent, former principal dancer, New York City Ballet

“Gentle, genuine, and honest, Larsen shares her experiences generously, offering a compelling glimpse into a ballerina’s world—one that beautifully illustrates not only what it takes to become a professional dancer but what it means to be a ballerina.”—Jennifer Carlynn Kronenberg, author of So, You Want to Be a Ballet Dancer?

“I laughed out loud, cringed, and teared up relating to the joys and trials that a career in ballet requires and that Larsen so vividly conveys. Her wit and humanity bring behind-the-scenes experiences to life with the candor of a good friend along with the invaluable insights of a real ballerina. If you want to be a ballerina or want to know what it takes to be one, this is a must-read.”—Elysia Dawn, arts consultant and former dancer

“This book has a lovely lilt to it. … [Larsen] describes her experiences with sensitivity and profuse detail.”—Wendy Perron, former editor-in-chief of Dance Magazine

Editorial Reviews

A luminous new memoir. . . . Poignant . . . Both a personal account and a universal take on the life of a professional ballet dancer.”—New York Times

“A personal chronicle of a professional dancing life that is as accessible as it is engaging.”—Christian Science Monitor

“Larsen’s memoir oftentimes reads more like a novel than an autobiography. . . . Interstitial chapters walking through an average day in the life of a professional dancer go a step further, dropping the reader . . . directly into the everyday agonies and ecstasies of a life in dance.”—Dance Magazine

“Excellent. . . . [Larsen’s] story is all the more engrossing for its vivid portrayal of the ‘everyday’ ballerina, making it relevant and resonant for a multitude of dancers who aspire to a professional dancing life. As she documents the discipline, dedication, and sheer stamina that life in the ballet world requires, she traces a journey of transforming craft into art.”—Pointe Magazine

“A lovely debut that’s relatable, engaging, and unafraid to show vulnerability. A thorough, evocative, and deeply reverent remembrance.”—Kirkus Reviews

“Warm, insightful and enjoyable to read, Being a Ballerina helps cast the life of a professional ballet dancer in a new light.”—Dancing Times

“Being a Ballerina floats along like a lovely adagio solo; we both feel a dancer’s constant pain and share the magical soar of a perfect lift. Reading it is a reminder that words can dance too.”—Seattle Times

“One has to be grateful to Larsen for taking the time to write so well about the thoughts and the emotions that she revealed—and passing on the art form and those experiences to the next generation of ballet students and professional dancers.”—Mark Kappel, NewsNotes Dance Blog

“A lush memoir that spans Larsen’s 18-year career. . . . It’s a vivid insider’s perspective on the rigors of professional ballet, as well as what a dancer’s life is like beyond the footlights.”—Oregonian

“A memoir to sweep you off your feet. . . . Vividly engaging. . . . A pleasure to read not just for the backstage stories it tells but also for the line-by-line, sentence-by-sentence reward of [Larsen’s] way with words. Like a good dance, it’s swift, taut, and abundant.”—Oregon ArtsWatch

“Revealing and relatable, Being a Ballerina is one of the most readable dance books I’ve picked up for a long time.”—David Mead, Seeing Dance

“It is a vulnerable window into the inner life of a ballerina, and a true story of longevity and endurance.”—Dance Teacher

"Few if any books have ever taken us so acutely into multiple facets of the dancer’s art. . . . It’s an important addition to the dance bookshelf – and an important, sensitive, intelligent case study in ballet as psychological odyssey."—Alastair Macaulay, former chief dance critic, New York Times



“There is power and perfection in this captivating memoir—the power of personal experience and the perfection of writing that carefully captures the life of a dancer. Larsen, now retired, was principal dancer with the Oregon Ballet and guest artist with Ballet Victoria; she also danced with Alberta Ballet and Suzanne Farrell Ballet. Before describing her many positions, however, Larsen starts with an account of her first class at the New York School of Ballet at age eight. She covers the years of study required for every dancer, and along the way introduces readers to memorable teachers and dancers and discusses the roles she inhabited and companies she worked for as a professional dancer. Appended to the memoir are essays on pointe shoes and how to dance with a partner, along with a list of places she has performed. VERDICT: Dancing ‘full out’ means going all out during practice rather than saving energy for the performance. In this memoir Larsen is writing full out, and we are the lucky audience of her performance. Balletomanes, dance students, and aspiring dancers will applaud this absorbing account.”—Library Journal, Starred Review

From the Publisher

★ 04/01/2021

There is power and perfection in this captivating memoir—the power of personal experience and the perfection of writing that carefully captures the life of a dancer. Larsen, now retired, was principal dancer with the Oregon Ballet and guest artist with Ballet Victoria; she also danced with Alberta Ballet and Suzanne Farrell Ballet. Before describing her many positions, however, Larsen starts with an account of her first class at the New York School of Ballet at age eight. She covers the years of study required for every dancer, and along the way introduces readers to memorable teachers and dancers and discusses the roles she inhabited and companies she worked for as a professional dancer. Appended to the memoir are essays on pointe shoes and how to dance with a partner, along with a list of places she has performed. VERDICT Dancing "full out" means going all out during practice rather than saving energy for the performance. In this memoir Larsen is writing full out, and we are the lucky audience of her performance. Balletomanes, dance students, and aspiring dancers will applaud this absorbing account.—Carolyn M. Mulac, Chicago

Library Journal

2021-05-25
Former ballerina Larsen recounts her career as a professional dancer from childhood training through retirement in her debut memoir.

The author draws on an 18-year career dancing with companies such as the Oregon Ballet Theatre and Suzanne Farrell Ballet in this book, which chronicles her journey toward becoming a principal dancer. In loosely chronological essays and recollections, she begins at the New York School of Ballet as a shy 8-year-old beginner holding her own after accidentally wandering into an advanced class: “you kept up so well, and you’ll catch up to everyone else quickly,” said the teacher. From there, the author describes her development, sometimes in first-person vignettes, other times in third-person narratives that evoke the storybook qualities of the ballets she eventually performed. Anecdotes include accounts of a debut performance in which Larsen had to learn an entirely new role five hours before curtain; a dance partner’s overconfidence resulting in a broken rib; and a performance executed amid a priceless art collection. In thoughtful and approachable prose, she shares stories of artistic growth, professional setbacks, injuries, and triumphs, always highlighting the intensity of her relationship with dance: “The word ‘dancing’ implies playfulness, a carefree spirit. The paradox of classical ballet is that in order to display that quality to her audience, the dancer has to move within a strict set of physical rules that are anything but careless.…Our only safety nets are our bodies, training, and courage.” Larsen also never shies away from the brutal physicality of her craft, describing in meticulous detail the ways that a ballerina must manipulate her body and the toll that such dedication can take. Her candor demystifies her profession, whether she’s describing pre-show breakdowns, the slog of auditioning, or how she protected her joints and feet. Still, Larsen also takes special care to celebrate the beauty and power of her art form. Overall, this is a lovely debut that’s relatable, engaging, and unafraid to show vulnerability.

A thorough, evocative, and deeply reverent remembrance.

Kirkus Reviews