Before I Had the Words: On Being a Transgender Young Adult

by Skylar Kergil

Overview

At the beginning of his physical transition from female to male, then-seventeen-year-old Skylar Kergil posted his first video on YouTube. In the months and years that followed, he recorded weekly update videos about the physical and emotional changes he experienced. Skylar’s openness and positivity attracted thousands of viewers, who followed along as his voice deepened and his body changed shape. Through surgeries and recovery, highs and lows, from high school to college to the real world, Skylar welcomed others on his journey.

Before I Had the Words is the story of what came before the videos and what happened behind the scenes. From early childhood memories to the changes and confusion brought by adolescence, Skylar reflects on coming of age while struggling to understand his gender. As humorous as it is heartbreaking and as informative as it is entertaining, this memoir provides an intimate look at the experience of transitioning from one gender to another. Skylar opens up about the long path to gaining his family’s acceptance and to accepting himself, sharing stories along the way about smaller challenges like choosing a new name and learning to shave without eyebrow mishaps.

Revealing entries from the author’s personal journals as well as interviews with members of his family lend remarkable depth to Skylar’s story. A groundbreaking chronicle of change, loss, discovery, pain, and relief, Before I Had the Words brings new meaning to the phrase “formative years.”

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781510723085
Publisher:	Skyhorse
Publication date:	09/05/2017
Sold by:	SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:	eBook
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	273,593
File size:	1 MB
Age Range:	13 - 18 Years

About the Author

Skylar Kergil is a transgender activist, YouTube personality, singer-songwriter, and artist. His videos, which offer an honest and thorough look at the process of gender transition, have educated, uplifted, and inspired thousands. Skylar is a recipient of the Trevor Project Youth Innovator Award and lives in Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Disclaimer x

Introduction xiii

Speaking 1

"You Can Call Me Mike!" 4

Not Twins, but Close 6

Cross Country Doesn't Feel Super Far (When You're Six) 9

Cool Bike, Yo 11

Talent Shows in 1999 16

Tomboy 18

A/S/L? 34

Cancer 40

Blending In 42

JX 46

Peter Pan 49

Sneaking to Youth Pride in Boston 52

You Can't Always Get What You Want 55

Ice Cracks, Hearts Break 63

Unitarian Universalism 67

The Word; Transgender 72

Thinking, Thinking, Crying, Thinking, Hoping 77

Dissection and the Construct of Gender 80

Questioning While Certain 84

What Is a Name? 87

Coming Out 89

Transitioning Seems Expensive 94

Sixteen 98

A Circle, a Bird 100

Listen Up? 101

Gender Therapy 108

Gym Class 110

Parental Involvement 114

On Birds and Bodies 117

Full Speed Ahead 119

2008 129

Have You Hugged Your Kid Today? 136

Bathroom Bouncer 139

Getting Accepted into College: A Casual Miracle 142

"I'm an Obama Baby!" 145

Day One-January 21st 151

YouTube and Community 153

As Our Lives Change, Come Whatever 156

Stealth 159

Skylar Tucker Kergil: Legalized 166

Top Surgery 169

Coming Out Is a Lifelong Process 173

Scars 175

Sophomore Slump 177

Some Days It Feels Like 179

Kissing Is just Like Falling Right on Someone's Face 181

Period 183

A Primary Care Physician, an Ultrasound Technician, and a Surgical Assistant 195

Bellybutton 202

Will I Die? 205

Daughters 208

Day of Silence 210

Why I Out Myself 213

Then Love Lets You Let Go 216

Re-Humanizing the Transmasculine Community 218

Inspiring Toward Wholeness 222

Moms 225

When People Aren't Kind 229

That Time I Almost Fist-Bumped Joe Biden 233

Tell Me a Story 237

Camping 239

"For a Moment, I Didn't Feel the Pain" 241

Conversation with Mom 244

Conversation with Dad 250

Conversation with JT 254

Resources & Inspiration 257

Editorial Reviews

"Kergil’s openness and authenticity has made him a speaker who inspires hope, especially in young adults and their families, and this encouraging transition chronicle, distinguished by his eloquence and inclusion of other voices, will do the same." —Booklist

"The fact that the book offers so much hope after a clearly difficult childhood is truly remarkable . . . Written with openness and honesty that conveys much about Skylar's struggles, the book does a wonderful job of demystifying identity and normalizing differences. It is a beautiful book." —Foreword Reviews

"Before I Had the Words is candid, relatable, light-hearted, and maybe a little bit queer! Skylar is amazing at drawing the reader into his world; inspiring and educational." —Katie Rain Hill, author of Rethinking Normal: A Memoir in Transition

"A must-read for anyone who is trans or has trans family or friends. This book looks deep into the memories of a trans man before he realizes he was trans. Everyone experiences life differently, and everyone transitions differently, but Kergil shares so many relatable stories that are sure to have you laughing, crying, and nodding the whole way through. It is important to look at the lives of trans people outside of transition—Before I Had the Words re-humanizes the trans experience." —Chase Ross, trans activist, speaker, and YouTuber (uppercaseCHASE1)

"Before I Had the Words left me speechless. Skylar takes the reader on an emotional journey through navigating his place in the world during his gender transition. It is truly inspirational and highlights the uniqueness of one's path to their authentic self, a necessary narrative in today's world." —Reed Wetmore, YouTuber

"Before I Had the Words is a beautiful balance of relatable, coming of age storytelling, spreading awareness for some of what many members of our community go through, and a source of education for those in and out of our community. Getting to know Skylar on a deeper level in this way had me experiencing a full range of emotions throughout. With each page I turned, I laughed with him. I got angry with him for his mistreatment. I cried and shared in his joy and newfound peace and acceptance, and freedom from his feelings of isolation. All the while, his acknowledgments of the differences even within our community are paramount—we are all different. We are all human. This book is a must read on so many levels, and perfect for all ages." —Malcolm Ribot, FTM Traveler (@gorillashrimp)

"Kergil’s openness and authenticity has made him a speaker who inspires hope, especially in young adults and their families, and this encouraging transition chronicle, distinguished by his eloquence and inclusion of other voices, will do the same." —Booklist

"The fact that the book offers so much hope after a clearly difficult childhood is truly remarkable . . . Written with openness and honesty that conveys much about Skylar's struggles, the book does a wonderful job of demystifying identity and normalizing differences. It is a beautiful book." —Foreword Reviews

"Before I Had the Words is candid, relatable, light-hearted, and maybe a little bit queer! Skylar is amazing at drawing the reader into his world; inspiring and educational." —Katie Rain Hill, author of Rethinking Normal: A Memoir in Transition

"A must-read for anyone who is trans or has trans family or friends. This book looks deep into the memories of a trans man before he realizes he was trans. Everyone experiences life differently, and everyone transitions differently, but Kergil shares so many relatable stories that are sure to have you laughing, crying, and nodding the whole way through. It is important to look at the lives of trans people outside of transition—Before I Had the Words re-humanizes the trans experience." —Chase Ross, trans activist, speaker, and YouTuber (uppercaseCHASE1)

"Before I Had the Words left me speechless. Skylar takes the reader on an emotional journey through navigating his place in the world during his gender transition. It is truly inspirational and highlights the uniqueness of one's path to their authentic self, a necessary narrative in today's world." —Reed Wetmore, YouTuber

"Before I Had the Words is a beautiful balance of relatable, coming of age storytelling, spreading awareness for some of what many members of our community go through, and a source of education for those in and out of our community. Getting to know Skylar on a deeper level in this way had me experiencing a full range of emotions throughout. With each page I turned, I laughed with him. I got angry with him for his mistreatment. I cried and shared in his joy and newfound peace and acceptance, and freedom from his feelings of isolation. All the while, his acknowledgments of the differences even within our community are paramount—we are all different. We are all human. This book is a must read on so many levels, and perfect for all ages." —Malcolm Ribot, FTM Traveler (@gorillashrimp)

From the Publisher

12/01/2017
Gr 7 Up—Kergil first came to prominence as a YouTube vlogger documenting his transition from female to male while in high school. Nowadays he tours college campuses as a trans activist and singer-songwriter. At the request of his fans, he wrote this memoir which spans from birth through the present day. The book starts off slow in a series of meandering childhood anecdotes and references to the popular toys of the era, but Kergil hits his stride when recounting middle and high school. He finishes the book with a series of recent interviews with members of his family, which bring an interesting external perspective to his story. One important note when recommending to readers is that Kergil reveals his birth name and many details of his transition—his surgery recovery process, for instance, is rather graphically described. These details will likely endear the book to most readers, but some may find them triggering. VERDICT While the writing is at times lacking, this is a solid purchase for libraries, especially those with a need for more LGBTQ-focused memoirs.—Shira Pilarski, Farmington Community Library, MT

School Library Journal

2017-06-27
A transgender person tells the story of his transition.At an early age, Kergil, an activist for the transgender community, began wearing his older brother's hand-me-down clothes, cutting his hair short, and playing games more readily associated with boys than girls. His birth name was Katherine, but that didn't feel quite right to him. It was only when he reached his teens that he began to learn about transgender people and suddenly recognized he was also a man born into a woman's body. In youthful, enthusiastic prose, the author tells the story of how he shifted to thinking of himself as a boy and the fears, anxieties, and doubt he experienced as he gradually told his closest friends and family members of the change he was going through. Some people accepted him readily with warmth and love, while others had difficulties with this shift. Kergil recalls the harassment he endured from a wide variety of people, but despite the physical and emotional pain, he continued to push toward a goal of full transition. He explains the exploration stages he went through with various girlfriends and the process of physical transition, beginning with hormone treatments, then top surgery, and beyond. Kergil's straightforward account gives readers a behind-the-scenes look at the mental, emotional, and physical aspects of being a transgender person. He shares how difficult the road has been toward acceptance and some of the tactics and words that have helped him. Although the writing tends toward immature, Kergil's story should help many who are in the beginning stages of gender identity exploration understand they are not alone as well as aid those who want to be more empathetic to the transgender community. An unremarkable but honest account of the young life of a transgender person.

Kirkus Reviews