Whether you're the target of manipulation, intimidation, verbal abuse, or deliberate humiliation, Beating the Workplace Bully will show you how to fight back.
Bullies aren't just limited to the playground. Now they roam around from the boardroom to the break room looking to manipulate, intimidate, and humiliate--and eventually ruin your career! This book is your ammunition for fighting back.
Whether the bully is a boss or a coworker, this empowering guide will help you recognize what has been causing you to become a victim, then reveals how to:
- Avoid typical bully traps
- Remain aware and in charge
- Move past your fear
- Calm yourself in any confrontation
- Keep your dignity intac
- Handle sneak attacks
- Combat cyberbullying
Complete with exercises, assessments, and real-life examples, Beating the Workplace Bully will help you reclaim your power and defeat the office bully once and for all!
Whether you're the target of manipulation, intimidation, verbal abuse, or deliberate humiliation, Beating the Workplace Bully will show you how to fight back.
Bullies aren't just limited to the playground. Now they roam around from the boardroom to the break room looking to manipulate, intimidate, and humiliate--and eventually ruin your career! This book is your ammunition for fighting back.
Whether the bully is a boss or a coworker, this empowering guide will help you recognize what has been causing you to become a victim, then reveals how to:
- Avoid typical bully traps
- Remain aware and in charge
- Move past your fear
- Calm yourself in any confrontation
- Keep your dignity intac
- Handle sneak attacks
- Combat cyberbullying
Complete with exercises, assessments, and real-life examples, Beating the Workplace Bully will help you reclaim your power and defeat the office bully once and for all!
Paperback
-
PICK UP IN STORECheck Availability at Nearby Stores
Available within 2 business hours
Related collections and offers
Overview
Whether you're the target of manipulation, intimidation, verbal abuse, or deliberate humiliation, Beating the Workplace Bully will show you how to fight back.
Bullies aren't just limited to the playground. Now they roam around from the boardroom to the break room looking to manipulate, intimidate, and humiliate--and eventually ruin your career! This book is your ammunition for fighting back.
Whether the bully is a boss or a coworker, this empowering guide will help you recognize what has been causing you to become a victim, then reveals how to:
- Avoid typical bully traps
- Remain aware and in charge
- Move past your fear
- Calm yourself in any confrontation
- Keep your dignity intac
- Handle sneak attacks
- Combat cyberbullying
Complete with exercises, assessments, and real-life examples, Beating the Workplace Bully will help you reclaim your power and defeat the office bully once and for all!
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780814436882 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AMACOM |
| Publication date: | 01/13/2016 |
| Pages: | 256 |
| Sales rank: | 532,201 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d) |
| Age Range: | 18 Years |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Beating the Workplace Bully
A Tactical Guide to Taking Charge
By Lynne Curry
AMACOM
Copyright © 2016 Lynne CurryAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8144-3688-2
CHAPTER 1
ARE YOU A BULLY MAGNET?
Courage is knowing what not to fear.
— PLATO
HEAD NURSE MOLLY was ten months from retirement when Pauline started work at the clinic. Like the rest of the clinic's employees, Molly welcomed Pauline aboard, greeting her with flowers on her first day. Pauline took the flowers with barely a glance and handed them to the receptionist, saying "Put these in water."
Molly, a kind, round-faced woman with warm hazel eyes and wavy auburn hair flecked with gray, had urged the clinic's physician owners to hire someone like Pauline, saying the clinic had grown to a size that required a clinic administrator in addition to her own head nurse position. When the managing physician asked Molly, "Do you want to supervise her?" Molly responded, "I see us as teammates, each with our strengths balancing and supporting the other."
For the next two weeks, Molly coached Pauline on the clinic's intake, staff orientation, patient recordkeeping, and administrative filing systems — all procedures she'd spent more than ten years developing.
Since Molly took pride in her work, it shocked her when Pauline described the systems as "antiquated." Molly viewed the systems as simple, streamlined, and even elegant, but she swallowed her pride and said, "I'll support you in making them better."
"Won't be necessary," Pauline sneered.
"You don't want my help?" Molly asked, thinking she'd misunderstood Pauline's tone.
"I don't need your help," Pauline replied in a voice that could curdle milk.
That night, Molly attended Pauline's first briefing with the clinic's physicians, and listened as Pauline told them that bringing clinic systems and procedures up to an acceptable level would take four to six months of hard work as things were in a "pitiful" state. Pauline looked the part of someone who could take the clinic forward. She dressed in immaculate and stylish, if severe, suits.
Molly's jaw dropped and ice formed in her gut as Pauline continued to trash her work. Molly didn't know what to say in defense of the clinic's existing systems, and couldn't bear to make eye contact with the physicians she'd served for twenty years.
The next morning, the stream of insulting emails started. Although Molly tried to focus on her head nurse duties, she felt obligated to respond to the three or four daily emails outlining in detail errors Pauline alleged Molly had made when she designed the clinic's systems.
Molly worked ten-hour days until deep shadows formed under her eyes. She finally asked for a meeting with Pauline. Pauline's new assistant, Max, turned her down, telling Molly that Pauline's schedule was "tight."
Molly went home drained, and told her husband she had no idea why Pauline was attacking everything she'd developed.
"Why are you letting this woman do this to you?" asked Molly's husband.
"She has the credentials the physicians wanted."
"You've worked for them for twenty years."
"She says she knows what she's doing."
"So do you."
Molly wasn't so sure anymore.
The next day, Molly saw three emails from Pauline and realized she didn't want to open any of them.
How had things turned from great to trash?
WHAT MADE YOU A VICTIM? WHAT KEEPS YOU A VICTIM?
If a bully has you in his or her crosshairs, you may look at yourself and wonder if you're to blame, and for what. You want to know what made you a target.
Let's turn that around and look at what bullying is.
Workplace Bullying Defined
Workplace bullying is psychological violence and aggressive manipulation in the form of repeated humiliation or intimidation, and may include situational, verbal, or physical abuse.
[] Verbal bullying includes slandering, ridiculing, insulting or persistent hurtful name-calling, and making the target the butt of jokes or abusive, offensive remarks.
[] Physical bullying includes pushing, shoving, kicking, poking, or tripping the target. It also includes making obscene gestures as well as assault or the threat of physical assault.
[] Situational bullying involves sabotage and cruel acts of deliberate humiliation and interference.
Workplace bullying and harassment can inflict serious harm upon targeted employees, including feelings of shame, humiliation, anxiety, and depression, along with physical symptoms of distress.
No one deserves to be bullied.
Even if you've done many things wrong, even if your self-esteem isn't the greatest, even if you've made a hundred mistakes, don't take what the bully dishes out as your due.
Bullying is an epidemic. According to a 2014 VitalSmarts survey, 96 percent of the study's 2,283 respondents experienced workplace bullying. The 2014 U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey published by the Workplace Bullying Institute documents that 37 million U.S. workers face "abusive conduct" during their workday. Another 28.7 million witness this abuse. To put this into perspective, these 65.6 million people equal the combined population of fifteen U.S. states from the central northern tier to the Gulf of Mexico.
At a minimum, three to four people out of every ten have been bullied. You may well ask, "Can't I please be one of the other six or seven of those ten?"
Absolutely, that's why you're reading this book.
Your first step is to recognize which of the following factors led you into a bully's crosshairs.
You:
[] Have bad luck
[] Ignore warning signs
[] Have something the bully wants
[] Signal you're an easy target
[] Put up with lousy treatment
[] Give away your power
Bad Luck: A Target on Your Back
A MILITARY WIFE, Gwen interviewed for five weeks before finding an employer willing to hire her despite her husband's likely transfer to a new base in eighteen months.
On Gwen's first day on the job, Lisa, the office manager, sat her down and told her she'd do fine if she understood the lay of the land. Eager to make a good impression, Gwen listened to Lisa, who explained that Gwen needed to demonstrate her willingness to be a team player.
Gwen was soon spending hours completing tasks Lisa delegated to her, which prevented her from speedily completing assignments given her by her immediate supervisor. When Gwen told Lisa she couldn't manage the extra tasks, Lisa snapped, "You're not willing to help me out when I'm swamped?"
Gwen hadn't been bullied before, and she took days to decide what to do. She spoke to her supervisor, who said, "Lisa's our best, most talented performer. I can't believe you're bad-mouthing her when she's been trying to help you." As Gwen listened in shock, her fists tightly closed and shoved into her pockets, she learned that Lisa had claimed that Gwen came to her so often for help that Lisa had to log two hours overtime nightly to complete her own assignments.
Landing the wrong job had placed Gwen in a bully's crosshairs.
Has bad luck made you a bully's target?
Ignore Warning Signs at Your Peril
AFTER A DIVORCE, Mack moved to Colorado and took the first job offered him. When he saw a long list of names as he logged on to Outlook, he asked a coworker about them. "I'm new here too," she said, "I don't recognize any of them."
On his first day, Mack's boss took him out to a five-star restaurant for lunch. "Slow service!" his boss snarled at the waitress, "If you want a tip, speed it up." Minutes later, his boss snapped his fingers as the waitress passed by, "Coffee refill!"
At the weekly staff meeting, Mack was surprised that few employees talked, other than to compliment their boss when he spoke about his personal efforts. Their silence made Mack hesitant to talk. After the meeting, he asked a coworker, "How come no one talks?" "You'll learn," she responded. "We go along to get along. No one sticks their neck out."
As Mack delved into the projects assigned him, several of his clients asked him what had happened to different people who'd worked with them before Mack joined the company. Mack soon learned not to ask his boss about his predecessors; they'd all left on bad terms.
Although Mack liked his salary, he decided that working for this boss could prove a career-fatal mistake. He saw the warning signs and left before his boss turned on him.
What about you? Have you seen similar warning signs? Have you bailed out in time or stayed too long?
Potential Warning Signs
You work with an individual who:
[] Cuts you down, then claims she was "just kidding"
[] Makes you feel like you "walk on eggshells" because you never know what might trigger a tirade
[] Holds past employees, employers, or coworkers responsible for his unhappiness
[] Hates to have her authority questioned
[] Treats others poorly when he can get away with it
[] Delights in making your life difficult
[] Intimidates you or others
[] Puts you in the wrong so she can make herself appear right
Beware: What the Bully Wants, the Bully Gets
LAURA BUILT HER business from scratch while living on rice, beans, and peanut butter. Over years of sixty-hour workweeks, she'd created essential materials for anyone who wanted to launch a successful business in her field.
Through her hard work and passion about the services she provided her clients, Laura made a name for herself. Clients sought her out, and her business produced a growing profit. She hired an administrative assistant and focused on providing her clients with top-quality work.
When Laura decided to grow her business, she hired Martin and committed herself to helping him develop.
Despite Laura's generosity, Martin envied how clients viewed his boss. He wanted her reputation for himself. He took Laura's name and copyright off original materials she'd developed, and replaced them with his own. He bad-mouthed her to clients.
When Laura called Martin on his actions, he smiled an alligator smile, and said, "So sad, too bad, see you around" and walked out the door before she could fire him. After Martin left, Laura not only spent weeks cleaning up the messes Martin made, she also learned that Martin had solicited her best clients for his planned new business.
Although some clients hadn't liked Martin, several asked, "Were you asleep at the wheel?" Laura soon realized that allowing Martin too much latitude before she got to know him tarnished her reputation along with Martin's.
In the weeks that followed, several clients called Laura sharing the stories Martin had told them about her, alleging she'd come on to him sexually, and fired him when he'd turned her down. Though few clients believed these stories, just hearing them made Laura sick to her stomach.
Then the tweets and blog postings from myriad email accounts started coming. Posters Laura didn't know and couldn't trace accused her of lying about her degree, sleeping with clients, and stealing others' work and passing it off as her own. Laura, who had loved going to work and interacting with clients in person and on social media, soon dreaded answering the phone or logging on to Twitter.
One by one, Laura's clients left her, in part because she never regained her fighting spirit, allowing Martin to "steal" the reputation he envied.
Has a bully come after you because you had something he or she wanted?
On the Radar: An Easy Target
SONJA WAS INEXPERIENCED and new to the workplace, so she kept to herself. Her tremulous voice and slender build gave her an air of permanent fragility. She worked alongside Alice, who excelled at sniping. "Look who forgot to button her blouse," Alice quipped when Sonja walked into the staff meeting. When Sonja reddened, Alice snickered, "Look who's gullible!"
As Sonja cast her eyes down, Alice continued to bait her. "Looking at your photo badge," she proclaimed, grabbing the photo ID on the lanyard around Sonja's neck. "I would too. That's an awful picture. Go back to HR and make them take it again!"
Sonja, reeling from the public attack and unable to think of how to handle it, sat in frozen silence during the short staff meeting, even though the topic was one in which she had a keen interest. Alice, however, spoke out, scoring points with the corporate executive who chaired the meeting.
When Sonja returned to her desk, she put her head down. She'd let Alice attack her without defending herself.
Like Sonja, do you signal you're an easy target? Bullies read people for a living, choosing vulnerable individuals who wear their sensitivity on their sleeves as targets.
Are You an Easy Target?
Questions to ask yourself include:
[] Are you meek?
[] Would you rather submit to bad treatment than engage in conflict?
[] Have you made the mistake of letting the wrong person know you were exploited in a prior job?
[] Does past personal trauma haunt you, causing you to freeze when confronted?
[] Are you socially isolated, without work allies to back you up and ward off a bully's attacks?
[] Do others consider you unlikely to confront them if they tread on you?
[] Do you signal vulnerability in other ways? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, bullies may find you on their radar.
If You Let Them, They Will Do It: Lousy Treatment
THE FIRST TIME Andy barked at Annette, she raised an eyebrow and asked, "Bad day? Would you prefer I come back later?" "Let's do it," he snarled. "You people push for this and push for that. You think you're the only people who count. What's this f---ing email you sent all about?" Annette got up and left his office.
Andy sent her a stormy email, which she forwarded to their supervisor and Human Resources. The next day, a chastened Andy responded with the information Annette had requested.
By contrast, Annette's predecessor, Suzanne, stayed put despite Andy's tirades, even when he called her a "f---ing bitch." Convinced she needed Andy's information to complete her report, Suzanne endured meetings in which a red-faced Andy screamed in her face. When Suzanne finally quit, others asked why she had put up with it for so long.
Suzanne answered, "I kept thinking it would get better."
Do bullies target you because you let them?
Don't pass the test you should fail. Bullies eat nice people alive. They test to see if you'll allow bad treatment and, if you do, they escalate their abuse.
Just Say "No": Give Away Your Power
AFTER LEAVING HER last job to get away from a bully, Tova hoped for a fresh start in her new position as an inside sales professional. Her new boss, Buck, told her she'd support the rest of the sales team, and also have her own clients.
"Will they mind that I've never done sales?" Tova asked.
"We're hiring you for your administrative support skills, essential for success in inside sales. Besides, you'll have Arielle, the other woman on the team, to help you get the hang of things."
The problems began her first day. As Tova headed to her desk, Arielle asked, "You like coffee?" "I love it," answered Tova. "Great," said Arielle. "When you grab yours from the cart in the lobby, I want a café latte grande with caramel."
Not sure what the customs were on her new team, Tova said "Sure," and headed to the cart. When she handed Arielle her $5 drink, Arielle, who was on the phone, waved her away, mouthing, "Busy."
Tova expected Arielle to reciprocate with coffee the next morning. Arielle didn't. Instead, when Arielle saw Tova heading for the coffee cart, Arielle called out, "My usual." Tova didn't want to make waves, and knew she needed Arielle's guidance to become a success, so she bought Arielle a second latte. And a third.
Tova never received guidance from Arielle. Once, when Tova handed Arielle a draft proposal and asked, "I'd like your thoughts on this," Arielle responded, "Do you know your name is a four-letter word?"
As Tova's jaw dropped, Arielle said, "You asked my thoughts. That's what I thought."
Shocked, Tova said, "That hurts!"
"Oh, poor baby," Arielle goaded, smiling at another employee. "Toughen up."
While others on the sales team weren't the bully Arielle was, they soon learned that if they asked, "Hey, Tova, could you ...," she would say, "Sure." That didn't mean they helped Tova when Arielle belittled her. Instead, the others, like Arielle, gave Tova the grunt work projects they didn't want. Although Tova knew the requests were unreasonable, she did what they asked.
Like Tova, do you have no power, or do you have "no" power? If you're tired of being a doormat, you owe it to yourself to say "no more" or "stop" when a bully takes advantage of you or puts you down. If you allow disrespectful treatment, you hand over your power.
Your Turn: Where Are You Now?
1. What in the past put you in a bully's crosshairs? Which of the six factors fits you?
2. Into what category does head nurse Molly fit? What mistakes did she make?
3. If you've had bad luck, how do you plan to make it change? If you are unable to change your situation, how can you change your responses to the bullying in a way that doesn't feed the bully's desire to hurt or demean you?
4. Have you ignored warning signs? If so, which? What have you learned for next time?
5. Has a bully come after you because you had something the bully wanted? If so, have you let the bully take it away? Is there a way you can regain what was yours?
6. Are there ways in which you signal that you are an easy target?
7. You're a walking history of everything that's happened to you until you decide to rewrite your history. Are there past incidents that have made you vulnerable to bullying? Write two of them on a piece of paper, then describe what you want your pattern to be in the future.
8. Have you given away your power as Molly and Tova did? Name one way in which you can immediately start to take your power back. Put your decision into action within the week.
Some of these questions may have stirred up past emotions. Which ones? Shame? Sadness? Anger? Despair? Tell yourself you can let go of those feelings, that you don't need to keep holding them inside. When you are hurt, you may find yourself holding onto the hurt. You may feel that if you can figure it out, it won't be as painful. Unfortunately, you often hurt yourself all over again when you think about an experience that drags you down. If that's the case, you may want to find a private place and let yourself express that feeling by crying, punching soft pillows, or shaking your fists. You may decide to journal. If that doesn't work, you may want to locate a coach or counselor in your area.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Beating the Workplace Bully by Lynne Curry. Copyright © 2016 Lynne Curry. Excerpted by permission of AMACOM.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
CONTENTS
FOREWORD BY GARY NAMIE, PH.D. vii
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS xi
INTRODUCTION: Intimidated No More—You Can Do It 1
CHAPTER 1 Are You a Bully Magnet? 9
CHAPTER 2 You Can Run, but You Can’t Hide: Bullies Don’t Go Away on Their Own 21
CHAPTER 3 Doormats Can Change: Here’s What It Takes 25
CHAPTER 4 Wounded Rhinos, Shape-Shifters, Character Assassins, and Other Bullies 32
CHAPTER 5 It’s Your Choice: To Confront or Not to Confront 47
CHAPTER 6 Put on Your Game Face: Don’t Play by the Bully’s Rules 60
CHAPTER 7 The Eight Most Common Bully Traps and How to Avoid Them 69
CHAPTER 8 How to Overcome the Bully’s Favorite Weapon—an Outpost in Your Mind 84
CHAPTER 9 Countering Bully Tactics and Bully Speak 92
CHAPTER 10 Turn the Tables on a Bully with One Easy Move 103
CHAPTER 11 Create the You Who Won’t Knuckle Under 108
CHAPTER 12 How to Silence the Angry, Aggressive Jerk 117
CHAPTER 13 How to Handle a Scorched-Earth Fighter 124
CHAPTER 14 Defusing the Silent Grenade 131
CHAPTER 15 Seeing Through the Shape-Shifting Mr. Hyde 135
CHAPTER 16 Pierce the Facade; Topple the Narcissist 142
CHAPTER 17 Take Down the Rhino Before It Charges 148
CHAPTER 18 Undoing a Character Assassin’s Wounds to Your Reputation 152
CHAPTER 19 The Newest Character Assassin: The Cyberbully 156
CHAPTER 20 How to Survive the Bully Boss 164
CHAPTER 21 Handling the Bully Employee Without Getting Burned 173
CHAPTER 22 Nine Essential Strategies for Creating Your Game Plan 182
CHAPTER 23 The Right Way to Ask Managers and Others for What You Need 189
CHAPTER 24 Anger, the Bully, and You 197
CHAPTER 25 What Every Leader Should Know About Bullying 202
CHAPTER 26 What Human Resources Can and Should Do 209
CHAPTER 27 Bullying Isn’t Illegal—or Is It? 216
CHAPTER 28 The Times Are Changing: Have You? 224
INDEX 237
ABOUT THE AUTHOR 244