Be the One You Need: 21 Life Lessons I Learned While Taking Care of Everyone but Me

by Sophia A. Nelson

Overview

From acclaimed journalist Sophia A. Nelson, the bestselling author of The Woman Code, comes a poignant, powerful, and revealing memoir providing life lessons that emphasize the importance of self-care, self-love, and self-understanding that will lead to freedom, healing from the past, and a better future.

In deeply personal reflections, acclaimed journalist Sophia A. Nelson offers an inspirational memoir that will guide you on a path toward true and meaningful self-care. She shares 21 life lessons she’s learned to help us accept that when we dare to face our traumas, losses, fears, family dysfunctions, and relationship issues, we can heal from them. She shows us that doing the work of meaningful and consistent self-care not only makes us happier, but better spouses, parents, siblings, lovers, employers, and neighbors. In this powerfully raw and honest book, you’ll discover:

• How to manage your emotions before they manage you;

• How to protect your peace, the passport to your soul;

• Why the most important relationship you have is with yourself; and

• How to be intentional about your choices.

The compelling lessons in Be the One You Need clearly demonstrate that the answers we seek to life’s questions are always within us. Nelson empowers us to finally ask ourselves, What do I want? What do I need? How do I feel? And once we hear the answers of our soul, how to put them into practice.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780757323997
Publisher:	Health Communications, Incorporated
Publication date:	06/28/2022
Sold by:	SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:	eBook
Pages:	400
File size:	4 MB

About the Author

Sophia A. Nelson, Esq., is an award-winning author, award-winning journalist, and renowned international inspirational speaker. Nelson is a national columnist for several major news outlets, including The Washington Post and CNN Opinion. You can see Nelson regularly on CNN, MSNBC, and PBS as a legal and political analyst, as well as other national outlets such as Morning Joe, the Today show and Dr. Oz. Nelson is an award-winning diversity, equity, and inclusion trainer, speaker, and thought-leader. She has worked with the Fortune 25, Fortune 100, and every major platform around diversity and wellness in the world. Nelson is the author of four bestselling nonfiction books: Black Woman Redefined, The Woman Code, ePluribus One, and her newest release in June 2022, Be the One You Need: 21 Life Lessons I Learned While Taking Care of Everyone but Me.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xiii

A Note from the Author: How to Use This Book xv

Prologue: Let's Be Honest, 2020 Changed Everything-or at Least It Should Have xix

Section I Notes to My Younger Self: You Are Who You Need 1

People of all ages, races, and backgrounds constantly neglect themselves. We are constantly tired, overwhelmed, and weary. All roads to peace, success, good relationships, great connections, and great possibilities start with self love, self-value, and taking care of Y-O-U.

Lesson 1 Get Out of Their Box: You Are Not Your Family 3

Lesson 2 Take Care of Your Mental and Emotional Health First 43

Lesson 3 Take Risks: Learn How to Succeed Even When You Fail 61

Lesson 4 Know the Things You Need to Leave Behind in Order to Move Ahead 81

Lesson 5 Wander and Wonder: Life Is an Adventure-Live It! 99

Section II Manage Your Emotions Before They Manage You 113

We are by nature emotional beings. To deny that is to deny our most basic humanity. Yet, if we do not responsibly manage our emotions in life, love, business, and relationships we find ourselves isolated and alone. These lessons will help us to recognize and better manage our emotions and use them as powerful tools for self-care and success.

Lesson 6 Reframe Your Thoughts: Build an EIQ Toolkit 115

Lesson 7 Don't Sweat Your Haters: Use Them as Fuel for Your Success 137

Lesson 8 Control Your Anger Before It Controls You 155

Lesson 9 Get Out of Your Own Way 165

Lesson 10 Do No Harm, Take No Shit 181

Section III Protect Your Peace, It's the Passport to Your Soul 199

Every human has a spiritual soul. One that must be nourished, watered, and replenished daily. These lessons help us to take care of the inner self. The part we most often neglect.

Lesson 11 Practice the Art of Surrender: Release What You Cannot Hold 201

Lesson 12 Trust Your Intuition-It's Rarely Wrong 213

Lesson 13 Manage the Expectations of Yourself and Others 227

Lesson 14 Beware of Distractions 241

Lesson 15 Your Faith Is Your Fuel: Fill Up Daily 255

Section IV Relationships Are Not Transactional-They are Reciprocal 265

We were made for relationship. We are not meant to do this thing called life alone. We all need the tools to help us win at our relationships and bless others in the process. But our most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves.

Lesson 16 Don't Cancel and Publicly Shame People 267

Lesson 17 Go Where the Love Is: Stop Being the Go-To for People You Can't Go To 279

Section V Fill Your Cup First: Be Intentional About Your Choices, Your Living, Your Life 291

Successful people are intentional. They live a life that integrates common sense with respect for others, with grace, and collaboration. They are not afraid to compete with anyone, anywhere, but they do so with a firm code that allows them to climb while still lifting others along the way.

Lesson 18 Practice Radical Forgiveness, It Can Heal Everything 293

Lesson 19 Mind Your Manners-They Matter 305

Lesson 20 Just Say No-Its a Complete Sentence! 317

Lesson 21 Exits Matter in Life-Exit Gracefully 327

Afterword 337

Editorial Reviews

All too often, women have a hard time putting themselves first. We are so busy giving and doing for others that we feel guilty about taking time for ourselves. In Be the One You Need, Sophia lays out a road- map for prioritizing ourselves and shows us that meaningful self-care, regardless of your age, is about being able to help yourself so you can truly love and help others.”

—Mika Brzezinski, bestselling author, founder of Know Your Value, co-host of Morning Joe

“As women, we often put ourselves last. As Black women, we always put ourselves last. Sophia challenges all of us to change that—and put a deeper, more meaningful self-care and soul care regimen into practice so that only then can we fill the cup of others we love to the fullest.”

—Rev. Dr. Bernice A. King, CEO, the Martin Luther King, Jr. Center for Nonviolent Social Change

“Be the One You Need is about looking after yourself first. If we run ourselves ragged, we’re no use to anyone. It’s not something anyone should feel guilty about—Sophia Nelson gets that.”

—Katty Kay, former BBC news anchor, journalist NBC News, and bestselling author of The Confidence Code

“We all need self-care, men and women alike. Be the One You Need offers a wonderful blueprint to face the challenge of these difficult days and to be deliberate in seeking your joy.”

—Eddie S. Glaude, Jr., Princeton University professor and author of Begin Again: James Baldwin’s America and Its Urgent Lessons for Our Own

“I commend Sophia Nelson on her transparency. It takes real courage to admit we don’t care for ourselves with the same love as we care for others. I found Be the One You Need to be a powerful and soul-stirring book that carefully and thoughtfully helps us learn how to service ourselves so we can be of even better service to others. This is a must-read for everyone, especially those looking to live a life of true freedom and greater peace.”

—DeVon Franklin, New York Times bestselling author and Hollywood producer

“As a leader, I cannot recommend Be the One You Need more highly. Sophia has used a combination of her personal experiences to give us 21 powerful life lessons. Every corporate and industry leader, educator, and organization looking to create healthier work environments needs to read this book. She gives us a pathway to deeper self-care habits that last a lifetime and inspires us to take our own personal power back.”

—Col. Nicole Malachowski (USAF, Ret.), speaker and first female pilot to fly with the Thunderbirds

“Be the One You Need is not a call to be selfish, it’s about practicing self-love as you ask yourself what you want, what you need, and how you feel—it’s about putting your own self-care first.”

—Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino, author of The Change Guidebook and CEO of The Best Ever You Network

“Be the One You Need is the much-needed self-care guide needed to survive the COVID era. In this book, Nelson gives us a roadmap to create healthier lifestyle choices that will take us through the cur- rent pandemic and shows us how to do the hard work that heals our hurts—and allows us to soar.”

—Anushay Hossain, author, The Pain Gap: How Sexism and Racism in Healthcare Kill Women

“What do I want? What do I need? How do I feel? These are three questions author Sophia Nelson forces us to reckon with time and time again in this powerful, poignant, and punch-packing book on radical self-care for the soul as well as for the mind and body.”

—The Hon. Kay Coles James, former president of The Heritage Foundation, former director, US Office of Personnel Management, and member Women’s Suffrage Centennial Commission

“Whether it is in politics or spirituality, Sophia Nelson tells the truth. In Be the One You Need, the truth is that we can’t love others until we love ourselves. But loving ourselves is surprisingly hard—so she gives us an honest pep talk, a trustworthy map, and a shoulder to cry on. We all need her vulnerable wisdom right now.”

—Dr. Diana Butler Bass, award-winning author of Freeing Jesus and Grateful, and one of America’s most trusted commentators on religion and contemporary spirituality

People Magazine's Best New Books Self-Help Pick (July 2022)

From the Publisher