Autism: From a Siblings and Parents Perspective

by Sarah Yasini

Overview

The book title is Autism: From a Siblings and Parents Perspective. It is a nonfiction book, which consists of my own personal story, and it’s educational as well.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781546258247
Publisher:	AuthorHouse
Publication date:	01/07/2019
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	108
File size:	195 KB

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

HOW TO EXPLAIN AUTISM TO YOUR CHILDREN

Autism can be a very difficult thing to explain to siblings, especially if they are young and do not understand fully. You should explain it at an early age so they are more mature about it in the future. It is best to open up about it, be honest and explain fully, without oversimplifying it. These are a few tips on how to explain autism to siblings of children with autism.

Be sure to tell them that their sibling loves them. Even if he can't speak, he has love in his heart. He will always be there for them, no matter what, and he will always be by their side. Siblings might not understand at first, and that's okay. Over time, they will see that their sibling with autism is different from them and will figure it out themselves. They may learn from school by experiencing it in special education classes.

As time passes, siblings will understand what autism is and will be more observant toward it. Make sure your child sees her autistic sibling as a person, not just autism; that could ruin the autistic sibling's mental health. Make your children understand why their sibling's behaviour is different, such as why he makes noises, screams or spins around. Tell them that their sibling has a hard time communicating his feelings, resulting in a meltdown.

Children these days are growing up in an environment more accepting of all people, when in the past autistic people were sent to mental asylums. If we raise our children to be kind and accepting, they will treat everyone with kindness and be prepared for the future.

CHAPTER 2

ENCOURAGING CLOSER FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

Autistic children tend to have an emotional bond with their siblings and parents, which is truly a beautiful thing. Your other children might become jealous that you are spending more time with your autistic child than with them, which can result in lifelong pain and jealousy. Over time, they will understand that their sibling has more needs than they do and that thus their parents have to spend more time with that sibling.

You can encourage closer relationships by doing activities that all your children can enjoy together. According to research, sibling relationships improve when they share activities that all enjoy. It can be quite difficult to choose activities if your children have an age gap or have different interests. For example, if one child wants to play checkers and the other wants to play chess, you can play both at the same time. Make sure to leave your children alone so that they can spend some quality time together and bond more.

Have a therapy session where your children explain to you the frustration and negative feelings they are dealing with, and then explain how they can control it. Build an activity that the whole family can participate in. Focus your attention equally on each child. This will make all your children feel valid and supported. You can even pick out activities where there is a physical activity involved. Try going for a run, swimming or even walking with your children so you all can have fun while also being healthy.

CHAPTER 3

FAMILY DIFFICULTY AND HARDSHIPS

Some families have arguments often, tearing them apart. One parent might not be supportive or care at all, resulting in arguments between parents. Autism can have many negative impacts to the rest of the family, including emotional, marital and sibling.

The emotional impact may be a major one. It may bring joy, frustration or tears. A study in the Journal of Pediatrics states that mothers of children with ASD often rated their status of mental health as fair or poor. Compared with the general population, their stress level was much higher. They may feel embarrassment for their child in public and around other family members, such as when the child is having a meltdown. They may have had dreams when they were younger of being the perfect parent, and now they are frustrated when their child turns out to be autistic. They may feel guilt that they are the ones responsible for their child's condition, and they may feel like that for a very long time.

Couples with an autistic child have a 90 percent divorce rate and a 9.7 percent higher chance of divorce than their peers. Reasons for relationship breakups may include a parent denying that a child has autism and simply assuming that the child is bratty or faking it all. A parent may also be violent and sexually or physically abusive with the child. For example, if the child misbehaves, the parent may use harsh discipline because he thinks it will "cure the autism." This may upset other individuals in the family and cause them to hate that parent.

A husband might only see his partner as conceiving autistic children and leave the spouse to start a new family, making life for the single parent extremely difficult. A parent may see his child as a burden to the family, retarded and completely worthless. For siblings, this can be an emotional roller coaster. Siblings who are not diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) may feel stress from their home life and not be able to keep up with their social and school lives. The parents' attention might be completely focused on the autistic sibling, thus making them feel left out and neglected. Furthermore, they might feel that they don't fit in at school since their friends don't have autistic siblings, and they will feel angry if someone makes a joke about autism.

Finally, there is the financial impact. In many countries, such as the United States, there is no free health care. Doctor appointments can cost over $200. Many families struggle to keep up with the bills. Having a child with autism may also require a parent to leave her job so she can take care of the child, leaving only one breadwinner in the house. Many children diagnosed with ASD take medication on a daily basis, which is also very expensive. It can cost between $50 to $1,000 for one month of medication.

CHAPTER 4

VIOLENCE AND AGGRESSION

Aggressive behaviour in autistic individuals may start as young as three years old. They may be aggressive toward themselves, which is called self-injurious behaviour. This may include hitting, kicking, throwing objects or headbanging. There are a number of reasons why they behave like this, one being trouble understanding what is going on around them and not being able to communicate. As a parent, you should look for and understand what triggers your child's behaviour and try to prevent it. You can try to look at it as an ABC sandwich:

• Antecedents — These are what triggers your child's aggressive and self-injurious behaviour.

• Behaviour — The way your child reacts to the triggers.

• Consequences — This is what your child gets from behaving aggressively.

The best thing to do during a meltdown is to stay as calm as you can. When you stay calm and don't get angry, you are able to handle the situation better. If your child is hitting himself, it's best to restrain him.

Try putting a helmet on him to prevent him from severely injuring himself. If you have paintings or glass anywhere in your home, get rid of it immediately. By leaving unsafe objects around the house, you create a situation where your child may easily pick one up and injure himself or you.

It is best to keep the siblings out of this situation so they don't get hurt. A family can be deeply impacted by autism aggression, and these bad memories will haunt them throughout their lifetime. Autistic children physically and emotionally hurt their families when they have meltdowns. They can even break a few bones when they have violent meltdowns.

CHAPTER 5

BLAME

Your children might blame themselves for your stress, and that can take a serious toll on their mental health. As stated earlier, couples who have an autistic child have a 90 percent divorce rate, and oftentimes the child with autism blames himself for his parents' separation and thinks that his autism is breaking up the family.

Autistic individuals shouldn't blame themselves in any way; autism is no one's fault. I used to blame myself for my brother's autism, and he also blamed himself. Society also blames the autistic individual for whatever happens, such as the Toronto van attack, in which the suspect possibly had an autism spectrum disorder. I hate to see autism identified as a relevant factor in an episode of violence, because it implies that people should be afraid of boys like my brother.

CHAPTER 6

MEDICATION

While medication is useful and some kids do take it, it might not be healthy for the brain. It does usually work for children, but in some cases, it can take a negative toll on them. You should do research on medications so that your child can use them safely and carefully. Your health care professional should explain the medication to you, including what it is used for, any side effects, ways to tell that it's effective and the benefits hoped for. If the medication doesn't work immediately, give it time; it usually starts taking effect in a couple of weeks or months.

When my brother first took Prozac to treat his anxiety, it absolutely had a severe negative impact on his brain and body. He began drinking up to twenty cups of water a day because his mouth felt dry. His obsessive-compulsive disorder became worse, and his heartbeat was faster than normal. One time, we almost had to take him to the hospital.

Once we stopped the Prozac, my brother became better and healthier. The Prozac almost killed him, but we are happy that God helped us and my brother. However, just because medication didn't work for my brother, that doesn't mean it won't work for your child.

CHAPTER 7

MENTAL HEALTH AND AUTISM

Research has found that over 80 percent of autistic individuals have mental health problems, including anxiety, depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Anxiety is very common amongst individuals on the autism spectrum. About 40 percent are reported to have anxiety, compared with just 15 percent of the population. Individuals may have anxiety attacks from time to time, and it's best to keep calm in such a situation. There are ways to treat anxiety disorders, one of which is talking it out. With a therapist, patients can work on a set of challenges they can improve on one step at a time.

According to Psychology Today, depressed autistic youth were twenty-eight times more likely to attempt suicide than typical children. In some cases, you cannot tell if the person has depression because of how well the individual functions, both emotionally and physically. Some signs of depression are sudden eating changes, eating too little or too much or crying too much.

Autistic people who are verbal may tell you how they feel emotionally, so it's best to get them help right away. If you feel as if your child will commit suicide, or if your child has attempted suicide, it is best to offer support and be there for them at tough times. Be there for your child and listen to what they have to stay or be there to comfort them. Try to understand their perspective and what they are going through.

Consider writing a safety plan for the person to use if suicidal thoughts return. It may include calling the suicide hotline, calling you or someone the person feels close to or trying things to become more calm, such as taking a shower or drinking cold water.

CHAPTER 8

TRYING NEW FOODS

When children are young and developing, parents decide what is healthy for the child's development. Many children at a very young age are picky eaters, and most of them hate vegetables and love junk food. They usually grow out of this when they are older, but for children on the autism spectrum, the eating problem is much more severe. Parents get little to no medical help with the eating habits; doctors think that the child will grow out of it.

Some signs that your child may have an eating problem include eating only liquid foods; choking and gagging when seeing or tasting food; loss of oxygen when eating; spitting out the food and refusing to eat; and having excess food come out of their nostrils. Children with autism may also take an interest in eating non-edible food — such as paper, dirt or plastic — so it's best to keep them away from these things.

To help your child eat nutritious food, try blending in new foods with the food they usually eat. For example, if they eat pasta, add a little cheese inside the pasta. It may become a new favourite food!

You can also play with the food and make it more fun. Try carving out a smiley face on some fruit or use cookie cutters to cut fun shapes on some foods. There are also doctors who specialize in eating who may be able to help children with autism improve their eating habits.

CHAPTER 9

SCHOOL AND POSTSECONDARY

Most autistic children tend to be in special education classrooms with other autistic children, but they may face difficulties with communication, social skills and sensory sensitivity. Many parents choose to homeschool or take their child out of school entirely because their child can't handle the stress of school.

According to CBS News, over 63 percent of autistic individuals are bullied in school, and this has doubled in recent years. They are more prone to bullying if they are in a regular classroom because the other students think they are weird and unusual. Many come home feeling upset that they have been bullied and wondering what is wrong with them. Transitioning to high school may be a different and scary turning point for autistic youth.

At school, things can be quite challenging. Autistic children tend to hit and throw objects in the classroom and abuse their classmates. Some autistic youth have sensory problems, meaning their ears are very sensitive and they can't tolerate loud or screeching noises. If their classmate perhaps accidentally screeches a chair, it can result in a meltdown. Some schoolteachers abuse children with autism. Take the clover teachers, for example, or the police officer who handcuffed the little boy who was having a tantrum.

With all these challenges, school can be very difficult for individuals with autism, and those difficulties should not be taken lightly. If your child is struggling in school, it's best to switch to homeschooling. Recently, my brother has been following a homeschooling program, and it has had a positive impact on his life. He didn't like public schools very much, and my mother often had to pick him up because he was throwing a tantrum. Homeschooling is better for him; he can learn in the comfort of his own home, and he is happy with my mom and me helping him with his coursework.

CHAPTER 10

GROUP HOMES

One of the hardest things for families of children with autism is not being able to take care of these children as young adults and eventually sending them to a group home. There are pros and cons to group homes. Let's start with the pros first.

The first pro is that sending a family member with autism to a group home helps the rest of the family cope with their lives. Taking care of an autistic child can be very difficult and emotionally draining. As the children get older, the parents age as well and are not able to take care of the autistic family member very well. Siblings may have moved on with their lives and are too busy to take care of their sibling.

Another pro of group homes is that individuals may feel more independent there than in their actual house. In a group home, they have responsibilities they take care of. Each resident has a task to do each day. They feel that they have worked hard and are living a good lifestyle.

A con is the trust you have to put in the home personnel to keep your child safe. We all know that physical abuse happens, even in group homes. A worker might tend to abuse individuals with special needs if they don't do something right or if the worker doesn't have the skill to cope with their behavioural issues. Group homes are also very expensive, especially to those who have financial struggles.

Now I will share my experience with abuse in a group home. My mom's friend's kids all have autism, and one is in a group home. One day, he was in the park with his supervisors who were watching him, and he started to have a meltdown. Instead of being mature and an actual adult in the situation, a supervisor abused him, slapping and kicking him. The supervisor told him that he shouldn't tell anyone, but fortunately, he did. The police came and eventually arrested the abuser. It can be very difficult to find a reliable group home.

CHAPTER 11

MANAGING STRESS

A family member with autism brings a lot of stress for parents and siblings. Stress can take a negative toll on your life or even take over your whole life. One way to handle it is to make time for yourself doing your favourite activities. Try reading a book, meditating (yoga) or just simply catching up on some sleep.

Another way to combat stress is to seek support from friends and family, and stop only relying on yourself. Therapy might help, but there is much more to it than just sharing your feelings. Whether it's a friend, a family member, a support group, a therapist or an autism specialist, it is up to you to seek out the help you need.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Autism"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Sarah Yasini.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Introduction, vii,
Parent's Perspective, 1,
1 How to Explain Autism to Your Children, 3,
2 Encouraging Closer Family Relationships, 5,
3 Family Difficulty and Hardships, 7,
4 Violence and Aggression, 9,
5 Blame, 11,
6 Medication, 13,
7 Mental Health and Autism, 15,
8 Trying New Foods, 17,
9 School and Postsecondary, 19,
10 Group Homes, 21,
11 Managing Stress, 23,
12 Activities and Sports, 25,
13 Puberty, 27,
14 Future Hopes and Plans, 29,
15 Not Your Fault, 31,
16 Vaccines, 33,
17 Autism in Second and Third World Countries, 35,
18 Society, 37,
19 Clothes, 39,
20 Love or Hate?, 41,
21 Suicide in Parents, 43,
22 Delayed Development, 45,
23 Electronics, 47,
24 The Good Doctor, 49,
25 Phobias, 51,
26 Speech and Non-Verbal, 53,
27 Same Routine, 55,
28 Service Animals, 57,
29 Toilet Training, 59,
30 Death of a Child, 61,
31 How to Help a Parent Who Has an Autistic Child, 63,
32 How Autism and Down Syndrome Are Connected, 65,
33 Wanting a Partner, 67,
34 Joys of Having a Child with Autism, 69,
Sibling's Perspective, 71,
35 School Life, 73,
36 Relationships, 75,
37 Strengths of Autistic People, 77,
38 Protectiveness, 79,
39 Stress Management, 81,
40 Violence, 83,
41 Mood Disorders, 85,
42 How to Help, 87,
43 Tips, 89,
44 What's It Like Having a Sibling with Autism?, 91,
Message from the Author, 93,
About the Author, 95,