Assume the Worst: The Graduation Speech You'll Never Hear

by Carl Hiaasen, Roz Chast (Illustrator)

Overview

This is Oh, the Places You'll Never Go—the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it.

"This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning."
So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after reading Assume the Worst, is: Nobody.
And who better to illustrate—and with those illustrations, expand upon and cement Hiaasen's cynical point of view—than Roz Chast, best-selling author/illustrator and National Book Award winner? The answer again is easy: Nobody.
Following the format of Anna Quindlen's commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders's commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), the collaboration of Hiaasen and Chast might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but.
This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it's also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780525655015
Publisher:	Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Publication date:	04/10/2018
Pages:	64
Sales rank:	183,428
Product dimensions:	4.90(w) x 7.00(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

CARL HIAASEN was born and raised in Florida. He is the author of fourteen previous novels, including the best sellers Bad Monkey, Lucky You, Nature Girl, Razor Girl, Sick Puppy, Skinny Dip, Star Island, and five best-selling children's books, Chomp, Flush, Hoot, Scat, and Skink. His most recent work of nonfiction is Dance of the Reptiles, a collection of his columns from The Miami Herald.

ROZ CHAST grew up in Brooklyn. Her cartoons began appearing in The New Yorker in 1978, where she has since published more than one thousand. She wrote and illustrated, most recently, Going Into Town; the #1 New York Times best seller Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?, a National Book Critics Circle Award and Kirkus Prize winner and a finalist for the National Book Award; What I Hate: From A to Z; and her cartoon collections The Party, After You Left and Theories of Everything.

Hometown:

Tavernier, Florida

Place of Birth:

South Florida

Education:

Emory University; B.A., University of Florida, 1974

Editorial Reviews

Pointed and humorous; a good gift for the neighbor's kid's graduation.”
—Kirkus Reviews

"You will be tempted to carry it around forever in your back pocket as a quick reference guide for life. Think of this book as the pocket edition of the Dead Sea Scrolls.”
—Denver Post

"A book that everyone who’s changing course must read."
—The Florida Times-Union

"Young people graduating from high school or college this year can count themselves lucky if someone gives them this book as a gift."
—Tampa Bay Times

From the Publisher

2018-03-12
Two of the literary world's most entertaining lighthearted cynics collaborate on a brief text that takes the form of a fake graduation speech."It's pretty fucked up," writes Hiaasen (Razor Girl, 2016, etc.) early on in the speech, referring to the "real world" that his imaginary graduates are preparing to enter. Accompanied by apt illustrations from New Yorker illustrator Chast (Going into Town: A Love Letter to New York, 2017, etc.), winner of the Kirkus Prize and the National Book Award, this speech runs through a litany of life's challenges and obstacles and how to overcome them ("lowering your expectations will inoculate you against serial disappointment") followed by a shorter closing section in which Hiaasen turns more hopeful. After all, he does want his readers to experience happiness, but happiness is "slippery. It's unpredictable. It's a different sensation for everyone." A good portion of the text discusses our highly divisive society and the prevalence of stupidity—or, more accurately, willful ignorance. Hiaasen is quick to point out that society as a whole may not be dumber than when he graduated college in 1974, but the social and cultural landscape is vastly different. "Society has been deeply divided before," he writes, "but never has it been so inanely distracted. Don't be shocked if more Americans can identify all the Kardashian sisters than can find Serbia on a world map." Global geography aside, there's no question that technology has shifted our gaze and often warped our perceptions of each other, and the text and illustrations here serve as a quick, amusing snapshot of that situation. Thankfully, underneath all the despair and snark—social media is "a geyser of ominous evidence that our species has begun to de-evolve, receding back to the slime bog from which we first emerged"—are glimmers of optimism, as in most of the work from both Hiaasen and Chast. "One thing happiness is not," writes Hiaasen, "is overrated."Slim but pointed and humorous; a good gift for the neighbor's kid's graduation.

Kirkus Reviews