Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything

by Alexandra Carter

Overview

Ask for More shows that by asking better questions, you get better answers—and better results from any negotiation.

Negotiation is not a zero-sum game. It’s an essential skill for your career that can also improve your closest relationships and your everyday life, but often people shy away from it, feeling defeated before they’ve even started. In this groundbreaking new book on negotiation, Ask for More, Alexandra Carter—Columbia law professor and mediation expert who has helped students, business professionals, the United Nations, and more—offers a straightforward, accessible approach anyone can use to ask for and get more.

We’ve been taught incorrectly that the loudest and most assertive voice prevails in any negotiation, or otherwise both sides compromise, ending up with less. Instead Carter shows that you get far more value by asking the right questions of the person you’re negotiating with than you do from arguing with them. She offers a simple yet powerful ten-question framework for successful negotiation where both sides emerge victorious. Carter’s proven method extends far beyond one “yes” or handshake and instead creates value that lasts a lifetime.

Ask for More gives you the tools to bring clarity and perspective to any important discussion, no matter the topic.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781797107257
Publisher:	Simon & Schuster Audio
Publication date:	05/05/2020
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 5.70(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Alexandra Carter is a Clinical Professor of Law and Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, where she has spent over a decade helping thousands of people improve their negotiation skills. She is a world-renowned negotiation trainer for the United Nations, where she has taught dozens of negotiation workshops to hundreds of diplomats from more than eighty nations. Carter graduated with honors from Georgetown University, was a Fulbright Scholar in Taiwan, and received her law degree from Columbia Law School. In 2019, Carter was awarded Columbia University’s highest teaching honor. She lives in Maplewood, New Jersey, with her husband and daughter.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part 1 The Mirror 15

1 What's the Problem I Want to Solve? 21

2 What Do I Need? 38

3 What Do I Feel? 62

4 How Have I Handled This Successfully in the Past? 83

5 What's the First Step? 98

Part 2 The Window 115

6 Tell Me… 125

7 What Do You Need? 141

8 What Are Your Concerns? 154

9 How Have You Handled This Successfully in the Past? 166

10 What's the First Step? 179

Bring It Home: Concluding Your Negotiation 194

Acknowledgments 209

Notes 213

Index 235

Editorial Reviews

04/06/2020

Carter, director of the Columbia Law School Mediation Clinic, recasts the art of negotiation as one of smart listening rather than adversarial demands in her convincing if sometimes clunky debut. Carter devotes the book’s first half to five questions to ask oneself (e.g. “What’s the problem I need to solve?”; “How have I handled this successfully in the past?”), and the second to five questions to ask the other party (e.g. “What do you need?”; “What are your concerns?”). For introspective questions, she advises setting aside some time—less than half an hour, she writes, should be sufficient—to clarify one’s intentions before heading into a negotiation. In general, Carter advises asking open-ended questions, to elicit introspection rather than self-justification. Unfortunately, the effectiveness of the book’s instructions is blunted by some opaque metaphors (asking an effective question is like landing a plane, rather than keeping it “in the air while circling the airport”) and by stilted dialogue in otherwise helpful examples of real-life negotiations (such as asking the boss for a raise, or budgeting a home-improvement project with a contractor). Those with the patience to cut through the weaker material will be rewarded with an insightful compilation of advice. Agent: Esther Newberg & Kristyn Keene Benton. (May)

Publishers Weekly

"Most of us approach negotiation with a mix of fear and confusion. Now comes Ask for More to our rescue. With stunning clarity, Carter walks us through ten questions that will help us calm our emotions, clarify our goals, and steer our relationships with confidence and grace. Carter's conversational tone, gift for metaphor, and empathy for life's predicaments makes it a joy to read."
—Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, authors of Difficult Conversations and Thanks for the Feedback

"Many people have a binary way of thinking about what they get in life: they get stuck between either a "polite yes" or a "rude no". They forget there is a third alternative: to negotiate. This is brilliantly illustrated in Ask for More by Alex Carter."
—Greg McKeown, author of the New York Times bestseller Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less

“Reading Alexandra Carter feels like having a negotiation coach in your corner, encouraging you to think creatively and giving you the courage to ask for more.”
—Linda Babcock, author of Women Don’t Ask and Ask for It

"Guided by a simple ten-question framework and filled with powerful stories of real-life change, Ask For More empowers men and women to ask for what they want (and actually get it). This book is a must-read for any professional looking to create stronger, mutually-beneficial relationships at home or in the office."
—Kathryn Minshew, CEO of The Muse and bestselling author of The New Rules of Work

“An immediately actionable resource for getting the results you want—and building better relationships along the way.”
—Adam Grant, author of Give and Take and Originals

From the Publisher