Asian Shame and Addiction: Suffering in Silence

by Sam Louie

Overview

Many Asians are drowning in shame and addictions with no way out.  Is this any different from a Westerner?  I would say very much so.  Shame is embedded in the Asian way of thinking, behaving, and interacting.  If you do not understand the cultural history of shame and its underpinnings, then you will have a hard time understanding the stranglehold of shame among Asians. 

This book is geared towards any business leader, manager, traveler, counselor, who is in contact with an Asian friend, colleague, or client.  It is to help you get to the heart of Asian Shame and some of the associated behaviors and addictions that result from a culture that inhibits healthy emotional expression.  If you want healthy intimacy among Asians, you need to understand how to recognize and break this cultural cycle of shame that has shackled millions of Asians to fall prey to the vices of gambling, sex, spending, eating, and other addictive behaviors.

I am a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in sex addiction and Asian-American issues.  I am also an Emmy Award-Winning former television news journalist with a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology.

In writing this book about Asian Shame & Addiction, my goal is to combine my professional background, my passion for emotional well-being, and my own experiences as a means to educate people about the culture of shame and it’s impact on emotional intimacy and relationships. 

As a first generation Chinese-American growing up in the United States, I experienced the duality of living in the tension of two cultures-East vs. West.  The Asian way is collectivist, to keep all our personal emotions buried and focus on our family and culture.  The American mindset is to see yourself as an individual created with unique thoughts that should be expressed.  How do Asian-Americans handle the differences that come with this tension?  With a cultural and language barrier that prevented honest discussions about identity and cultural norms, many Asians ignore the conflict and repress their emotions.  But repressed emotions of shame can not be ignored.  Instead they resurface in millions of Asians in the form of addictions: gambling, sex, infidelity, spending, eating disorders to name a few.

 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780692593042
Publisher:	Sam Louie
Publication date:	12/02/2015
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	125
Sales rank:	465,101
File size:	949 KB

About the Author

Sam Louie is a licensed mental health counselor with a private practice in Seattle specializing in sex addiction and multi-cultural issues. His therapy experience includes working with middle and high school students in the Seattle Public Schools as a part the Asian Counseling and Referral Service as well as working with sex addicts and sex offenders from diverse cultural backgrounds. He received his Master's degree in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in marriage&family therapy from Azusa Pacific University in Southern California. Prior to counseling, Sam worked more than twelve years as a television journalist where researched, produced, and reported on a number of stories related to psychotherapy, relationships, and recovery. He garnered two Los Angeles Emmy Awards, one for a story related to the impact of mental health on homelessness.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1. Asian Shame&Honor In the Asian culture, the concept of shame and honor are inextricably tied together. It's like the Yin and the Yang. They co-exist together so to fully grasp and appreciate Asian shame, we need to understand this tension with honor that's oftentimes neglected. Chapter 2. Shame&Suicide Suicide has long been a way to preserve your family's honor in Asia. This is most evident among the Japanese which has the highest suicide rate among Asian countries. This chapter gives a brief history of Japanese suicide. Chapter 3. Shame defined So what exactly is shame? Is it the same feeling as guilt? People often use shame and guilt interchangeably but there is a distinction between the two emotions that needs to be recognized. Chapter 4. Asian Families&Shame Patterns and rules of communication are passed down from one generation to the next. These rules govern stability in the family and any attempt to change these rules will be attacked and crushed. Chapter 5. Asian Success&Shame What is success? In the typical Asian-American household, it's all about the money. Financial success is related to family prestige and honor. As the oldest son, there was tremendous pressure for me to "succeed". Chapter 6. My Divorce&Shame I felt like a failure. Failure not just to myself but to my immediate family, my grandparents, and to everyone else related to me. Chapter 7. My Addiction&Shame I craved sex and the feeling it gave me. For countless nights after work while she was asleep, I went online and looked at porn. Chapter 8. Sexuality&Shame When it comes to our sexuality, no other area is more misunderstood or shame-bound than this realm. Our sexuality strikes at the core of who we are and can not be cut off. Chapter 9. The Shame&Addiction Cycle Once shame is attached to a person's sense of being, the pernicious cycle begins where the self-inflicted wound is repeated through the creation of the internal shame spiral. Chapter 10. Masculinity&Shame I had lost the ability to feel and empathize somewhere in my distant childhood. Boys are shamed for having emotions and for caring. We are encouraged to depend on ourselves and become self-sufficient. Chapter 11.Emotions&Shame Shame leaves one of its most damaging marks on children when parents expect and demand that their children keep their emotions silent. Chapter 12. Shame's impact on Relationships With a childhood based on shame, these children stand a good chance of entering adult romantic relationships desperately seeking approval. So much so, that they'll lose themselves in their relationships to satisfy the other party. Chapter 13. Staggering Asian Sex Stats Statistics show revenue from pornography worldwide is highest among Asian countries. Out of the top 10 countries in contributing to porn revenues, five of them are Asia countries. Most telling is that China, South Korea and Japan rank first, second, and third. Chapter 14 . Asian Shame of Getting Help Asking for help is very hard to do. For an Asian person, it is often seen as the ultimate moral failure. We can not help ourselves out of our hole and by virtue of acknowledging our addiction to someone else is considered shameful to ourselves and our families. Chapter 15 . Religion&Shame For those looking for help, shame is sharpest in the church environment where the culture of perfectionism reigns. In most Asian Christian Churches, our culture and shared heritage binds us together. We may want Christ elevated but the reality is success, looking good, and perpetuating the family name unconsciously prevails. Chapter 16. Intimacy with God: The Final Frontier Self-awareness is great. Therapy is healing. Small groups can provide accountability but nothing will help us break our addictions to this world if we do not have a relationship with God.