Are You a Geek?

by Tim Collins

Overview

Let’s face it–we all do geeky things, from checking e-mail obsessively to playing video games to tripping over our own feet. But here’s your chance to find out just how much of a geek you really are. With 1,000 questions for every area of your life–from childhood to lifestyle to entertainment to sex (you met your wife in a Web chat room–3 points), Are You a Geek? helps measure your precise geek quotient. From challenging intelligence quizzes to testing your dating compatibility with “Geekline,” Are You a Geek? lets you in on the secrets that separate the geeks from the grown-ups. Or the nerdmeisters from everyone else…

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780440336280
Publisher:	Random House Publishing Group
Publication date:	08/29/2006
Sold by:	Random House
Format:	eBook
Pages:	144
File size:	19 MB
Note:	This product may take a few minutes to download.

About the Author

Tim Collins is an advertising copywriter who lives in London. One day, while visiting a trendy pub, he admitted to himself that he'd rather be at home watching the special features of a Doctor Who DVD. It was at this point that he decided to come out as a geek. He believes that everyone would be happier if they accepted their geeky sides.

Read an Excerpt

LIFESTYLE

You live on your own.
1 point

You live with your mum.
2 points

...and you're over 30.
3 points

...and she still makes your meals, wakes you up
in the morning and checks your
appearance before you leave the house.   
5 points

You can't eat without watching TV at the same time.
1 point

You can't go to the bathroom without taking
something to read with you.
1 point

You've got out of bed in the middle of the night
because you couldn't resist checking your email.
2 points

While emptying your trash can, you've spotted litter
that dated back more than 30 days.
1 point

If something goes wrong with your computer,
you fix it right away, but if your washing machine
breaks, you leave it for a while.
2 points

The last time you changed your sheets was
over a month ago.
3 points


*Bonus Points*


You have the following posters on your wall:

Data from Star Trek
1 point
Buffy
1 point
An Escher artwork
1 point
A map of the world
1 point
A magic eye picture
1 point


You've set aside an afternoon specifically
to rearrange your CD collection.
3 points

You've set aside an evening specifically
to watch the special features of a DVD.
3 points

You had a pizza delivered last night.
1 point

...and ate the cold remains of it for lunch today.
3 points

You've completed a takeout loyalty card
in the last couple of weeks.
3 points

You often drink so much coffee or cola
that you can't sleep at night.
2 points

When you can't sleep, you find yourself jotting
down ideas for brilliant new inventions that
make no sense in the morning.
3 points

You spend more on eBay than at your
local supermarket.
3 points

Look at the "call list" menu on your mobile and write down the last ten numbers you called.
 1  .........................................  
 2  .........................................  
 3  .........................................  
 4  .........................................  
 5  .........................................  
 6  .........................................  
 7  .........................................  
 8  .........................................  
 9  .........................................  
10 ........................................   

Award yourself one point for every food
delivery number you called.
___ Points


*Bonus Points*


Your personal smell can best be described as:

Axe
1 point
Medicated soap
2 points
Antiseptic cream
3 points
Mildew
4 points
A mixture of stale washing, secondhand books
and piss
5 points 


*Bonus Points*

You've actually done the following slapstick jokes in real life:

Walking into a lamppost because you were
distracted by something
1 point 
Slipping on a banana peel
2 points
Looking at your watch while holding a drink,
and spilling it down yourself
3 points
Turning around suddenly while carrying a
ladder, and hitting someone with it
4 points
Falling down an open manhole
5 points


Award yourself two points for every sex line
__ Points
you called.

Award yourself five bonus points
if you haven't called ten numbers yet.
5 points

You've drunk a soft drink straight from a 1.5 liter
bottle to avoid washing a glass.
3 points

On the weekend, you always log in to your
email before brushing your teeth.
1 point

You believe spraying yourself with deodorant is
as good as showering.
1 point

You've had an argument with a roommate about
whose turn it was to wash the dishes.
1 point

You've had an argument with a roommate about
whose turn it was to phone for pizza.
3 points

You have a child.
-1 point

...but you spend more on toys and computer
games than they do.
2 points

...and you've forced them to watch
Spirited Away instead of the latest
Disney animation.
3 points

You can drive.
-1 point

...but you call your car "The Enterprise."
3 points

...and you say "Engage" when turning the
5 points
ignition key.
...and you've given someone a detailed
5 points
description of the engine.

You've used a computer today.
1 point

...and it's the weekend.
3 points

If your mouse breaks, you feel like you've
2 points
had a limb amputated.
       
When your computer asks "Are you sure
you want to shut down?" you actually think
about it, and feel a bit guilty.
2 points

You've clicked on the option that tells you
how long you've been playing a certain computer
game for, and it was more than a week.
4 points

Before eating a package of M&Ms, you
pour them out onto the table in front of you
and arrange them according to color.
3 points

You actually quite enjoy the sensation of
being addicted to a game and unable to put down
the controller.
3 points
     
You often think of ways to complete day-to-day
tasks slightly quicker, like adding milk to coffee
while you're waiting for the water to boil, or
flushing the toilet while you're still urinating.
1 point
    
You've considered moving to a larger property
for the sake of a collection.
2 points
 
You feel strange if you go for longer than an
hour without checking news headlines online,
on your phone or on TV.
1 point
    
When doing your monthly budget, you put aside
less than $10 for clothes and toiletries, and over
$200 for entertainment and technology.
3 points

You actually do a monthly budget.
5 points


*Bonus Points*


You've arranged your CDs in the following order:

Alphabetical
1 point
Chronological (the order they were made)
2 points
Autobiographical (the order you bought them in)
3 points
In order of the color of their spines,
4 points
to create a spectrum effect
In order of record label
5 points


*Bonus Points*


The bag you carry with you all the time is...

...an unbranded rucksack worn by both straps
1 point
...the same gym bag you've had since school
3 points
and have never washed    
...a plastic bag from a comic shop on which the
5 points
handles are about to break   


You've bought a Happy Meal or box of cereal
because it had a promotional gift licensed
from a sci-fi blockbuster.
1 point

You've bought something purely for its ironic value.
1 point

...which cost more than $60.
3 points

You've listed your religion as "Jedi"
when filling in a form.
1 point

You've eaten some Kendal Mint Cake.
1 point

You've changed an eating plan after being
unable to open a screw-topped jar.
1 points

You've decided to stay in after being unable
to find one of your shoes.
1 point

You celebrate Halloween more than your
own birthday.
3 points


*Bonus Points*


You've tripped over the following things:

A high curb
1 point
A loose paving stone
3 points
Your own feet
5 points


You've taken an elevator to travel one floor, which
took longer than walking would have done.
1 point

You're the only person in your office who hasn't
gotten their kids to record their answering-machine
message.
1 point

That's because you rerecord your answering-
machine message every day, giving a detailed
description of your schedule for that day.
3 points

You’ve been to a midnight opening of a shop
When a book, DVD or game was released.
1 point
     
You've set up your computer so that you can
watch TV at the same time as playing games.
1 point
        
There are more TVs than rooms in your house.
1 point

...and you keep all of them on all the time.
3 points

When watching TV, you close the curtains, turn
the lights off and sit about three inches away
from the screen.
3 points
 
You feel powerless when someone else in the
room is holding the remote control.
1 point
   
In winter, you often get that horrible feeling
when it gets dark outside and you realize
you haven't left the house yet.
1 point

In summer, you often get that horrible feeling
when it gets dark outside and you realize you
haven't left the house yet.
3 points

You're so used to having the curtains closed
in summer that it takes you a while to get used
to the bright sunshine when you finally leave the house.
1 point

You own a thermos bottle.
3 points

You own a clock that displays
all the world time zones.       
1 points  


*Bonus Points*


For you, getting ready to leave the house in the morning means...

...showering, shaving, ironing your shirt and
trousers, brushing your teeth, combing your
hair, applying deodorant, dressing, leaving
the house.     
1 point  
...washing your armpits over the sink, brushing
your teeth, putting on clean clothes, leaving
the house.
2 points
...searching for the cleanest pair of pants
on your floor,putting on the same clothes
as the previous day ,leaving the house.
3 points
...getting out of bed, leaving the house in
the clothes you slept in.   
5 points


*Bonus Points*


Your watch has the following features:

Hourly chime
1 point
Calculator
1 point
Compass
1 point
Multiple time zones
1 point
Waterproof to 200 yards
1 point


You bought it so you knew when you could start
playing against your trans-Atlantic cyber
friends online.
3 points
       
You follow instructions even if they're clearly
just there as a legal mandatory, like checking with
your doctor before using your exercise bike.
1 points
     
You've had a nightmare about your Nintendo DS,
iPod and portable DVD player all running out of
batteries at the same time on a long journey.
1 point
   
You know the exact amount of sleep you need
to get by and you complain about being tired
for the entire following day if you get slightly less.
1 points
        
Every single plug in your house has a
powerstrip attached to it.  
2 points
      
Your dog is called "Chewie."
3 points

You have a filing cabinet in your house.
2 points

The only time you ever shower is when
you're itching so much it gets in the way
of your game playing.
4 points
  
You have more than five allergies.
2 points

...and one of them is for soap.
4 points

You've scanned or photocopied a part of yourself.
1 point

The technology inside your house
is worth more than the house itself.
4 points
  
You registered your name as a dot com domain
back in 1994, so now the lawyer in Philadelphia
with the same name as you has to use dot net for
his site, even though he attracts five thousand
times more traffic than you.
5 points

You often get nosebleeds for no apparent reason.
1 point

You always keep your books in perfect order,
but you don't mind leaving all your clothes
in a pile in front of your closet.
1 point

You've looked at your watch and realized
that your role-playing games session has
passed the 12-hour mark.
3 points

You've looked at your watch and realized
that your role-playing games session has
passed the 24-hour mark.
5 points
    
You've spent more than an hour thinking
about the meaning of existence. 
1 point

You weren't lying awake at night with insomnia
at the time.
3 points
 
You still try to avoid stepping on the
cracks between paving stones.
5 points

You've had a dream that you believed to be a
message sent to you by a powerful sage,
instructing you to go on a quest.
5 points
   
You have more food delivery menus pinned
to your fridge than items of food inside it.
2 points

You measure time in how many episodes of
Buffy you could have watched.
1 point

You have over ten different types of
power adaptors in your house
(add a point for each additional type).
___ points

You've taken a day off work on the day a
book by your favorite author was released.
3 points
   
You've taken a day off work for an
astronomical event.
5 points

You've bought your own pencil sharpener,
stapler, calculator or hole punch, just so you
could have the best one in the office.  
3 points


*Bonus Points*


You've devised a contingency plan for the following eventualities:

A virus turning most of the population into
flesh-eating zombies        
1 point
A virus killing most of the population, leaving
the survivorsto rebuild society     
1 point
Hostile alien attack
1 point
Plants or animals turning hostile and trying
to wipe out the human race
1 point
Nuclear war
1 point


You've stuck action figures to your computer
at work.
2 points

You've taken responsibility for the alarm system
at every office you've ever worked in, as
you're always the first to get in and the last to leave.
4 points
  
You've been mentioned briefly in a trade magazine,
and sent a photocopy of the article
to everyone you know.
4 points
 
You work in an IT department.
4 points

...and you've thought to yourself, "I can't
believe they're paying me to do this,"
while installing a motherboard.     
5 points 

...and you've asked someone "How long is a
long it would take you to fix their computer.
5 points

...and you've asked someone "Which part of
the sentence 'I'm too busy to do it at the
moment' don't you understand?"
5 points

You work in a comic shop.
3 points

You don't work in a comic shop, but you spend
all your time hanging around in one anyway.
4 points
    
When there's a signing on at your local
comic shop, you always turn up early
so you can make new friends in the line.
5 points
  
IF YOU'RE ANGRY WITH SOMEONE AT WORK,
YOU SEND THEM AN EMAIL IN UPPER CASE. 
1 POINT
   
You've eaten cereal out of a measuring cup
because you couldn't be bothered to wash a bowl.
2 points
   
Your mobile ring tone is the Doctor Who theme,
"The Imperial March," or a recording of yourself
shouting "Ring Ring! Pick up your phone!"
1 point
   
Your password is "Lothlorien" or "Rivendell."
1 point

Your PIN is 1138.
1 point

If you're really angry with someone at work,
you change their screen saver to some porn.
3 points
    
If you're really angry with someone at work,
you sign up their email address for spam.
5 points

You've fantasized about being a rock star.
1 point

You've fantasized about having superpowers.
3 points

You've fantasized about solving a difficult equation.
5 points

To you, a "marathon" means watching all the
extended editions of The Lord of the Rings without
stopping, rather than running 26 miles
without stopping.
1 point
 
You've never answered "No" to the question
"Continue?"  
1 point


Total points for this section:


*Bonus checklist*


You've been called any of the following names:

Egghead
1 point
Braniac
1 point
Whiz Kid
1 point
Bookworm
1 point
Hacker
1 point
Poindexter
1 point
Dork
1 point
Dweeb
1 point
Professor
1 point
Square
1 point
Dorkwad
1 point
Four Eyes
1 point
Techie
1 point
Propeller Head
1 point
Loser
1 point
Dungeon Master
1 point
Brains
1 point
Fanboy
1 point
Technocrat
1 point
AV Guy
1 point


Total