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Overview
Product Details
ISBN-13: | 9780440336280 |
---|---|
Publisher: | Random House Publishing Group |
Publication date: | 08/29/2006 |
Sold by: | Random House |
Format: | eBook |
Pages: | 144 |
File size: | 19 MB |
Note: | This product may take a few minutes to download. |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
LIFESTYLE
You live on your own.
1 point
You live with your mum.
2 points
...and you're over 30.
3 points
...and she still makes your meals, wakes you up
in the morning and checks your
appearance before you leave the house.
5 points
You can't eat without watching TV at the same time.
1 point
You can't go to the bathroom without taking
something to read with you.
1 point
You've got out of bed in the middle of the night
because you couldn't resist checking your email.
2 points
While emptying your trash can, you've spotted litter
that dated back more than 30 days.
1 point
If something goes wrong with your computer,
you fix it right away, but if your washing machine
breaks, you leave it for a while.
2 points
The last time you changed your sheets was
over a month ago.
3 points
*Bonus Points*
You have the following posters on your wall:
Data from Star Trek
1 point
Buffy
1 point
An Escher artwork
1 point
A map of the world
1 point
A magic eye picture
1 point
You've set aside an afternoon specifically
to rearrange your CD collection.
3 points
You've set aside an evening specifically
to watch the special features of a DVD.
3 points
You had a pizza delivered last night.
1 point
...and ate the cold remains of it for lunch today.
3 points
You've completed a takeout loyalty card
in the last couple of weeks.
3 points
You often drink so much coffee or cola
that you can't sleep at night.
2 points
When you can't sleep, you find yourself jotting
down ideas for brilliant new inventions that
make no sense in the morning.
3 points
You spend more on eBay than at your
local supermarket.
3 points
Look at the "call list" menu on your mobile and write down the last ten numbers you called.
1 .........................................
2 .........................................
3 .........................................
4 .........................................
5 .........................................
6 .........................................
7 .........................................
8 .........................................
9 .........................................
10 ........................................
Award yourself one point for every food
delivery number you called.
___ Points
*Bonus Points*
Your personal smell can best be described as:
Axe
1 point
Medicated soap
2 points
Antiseptic cream
3 points
Mildew
4 points
A mixture of stale washing, secondhand books
and piss
5 points
*Bonus Points*
You've actually done the following slapstick jokes in real life:
Walking into a lamppost because you were
distracted by something
1 point
Slipping on a banana peel
2 points
Looking at your watch while holding a drink,
and spilling it down yourself
3 points
Turning around suddenly while carrying a
ladder, and hitting someone with it
4 points
Falling down an open manhole
5 points
Award yourself two points for every sex line
__ Points
you called.
Award yourself five bonus points
if you haven't called ten numbers yet.
5 points
You've drunk a soft drink straight from a 1.5 liter
bottle to avoid washing a glass.
3 points
On the weekend, you always log in to your
email before brushing your teeth.
1 point
You believe spraying yourself with deodorant is
as good as showering.
1 point
You've had an argument with a roommate about
whose turn it was to wash the dishes.
1 point
You've had an argument with a roommate about
whose turn it was to phone for pizza.
3 points
You have a child.
-1 point
...but you spend more on toys and computer
games than they do.
2 points
...and you've forced them to watch
Spirited Away instead of the latest
Disney animation.
3 points
You can drive.
-1 point
...but you call your car "The Enterprise."
3 points
...and you say "Engage" when turning the
5 points
ignition key.
...and you've given someone a detailed
5 points
description of the engine.
You've used a computer today.
1 point
...and it's the weekend.
3 points
If your mouse breaks, you feel like you've
2 points
had a limb amputated.
When your computer asks "Are you sure
you want to shut down?" you actually think
about it, and feel a bit guilty.
2 points
You've clicked on the option that tells you
how long you've been playing a certain computer
game for, and it was more than a week.
4 points
Before eating a package of M&Ms, you
pour them out onto the table in front of you
and arrange them according to color.
3 points
You actually quite enjoy the sensation of
being addicted to a game and unable to put down
the controller.
3 points
You often think of ways to complete day-to-day
tasks slightly quicker, like adding milk to coffee
while you're waiting for the water to boil, or
flushing the toilet while you're still urinating.
1 point
You've considered moving to a larger property
for the sake of a collection.
2 points
You feel strange if you go for longer than an
hour without checking news headlines online,
on your phone or on TV.
1 point
When doing your monthly budget, you put aside
less than $10 for clothes and toiletries, and over
$200 for entertainment and technology.
3 points
You actually do a monthly budget.
5 points
*Bonus Points*
You've arranged your CDs in the following order:
Alphabetical
1 point
Chronological (the order they were made)
2 points
Autobiographical (the order you bought them in)
3 points
In order of the color of their spines,
4 points
to create a spectrum effect
In order of record label
5 points
*Bonus Points*
The bag you carry with you all the time is...
...an unbranded rucksack worn by both straps
1 point
...the same gym bag you've had since school
3 points
and have never washed
...a plastic bag from a comic shop on which the
5 points
handles are about to break
You've bought a Happy Meal or box of cereal
because it had a promotional gift licensed
from a sci-fi blockbuster.
1 point
You've bought something purely for its ironic value.
1 point
...which cost more than $60.
3 points
You've listed your religion as "Jedi"
when filling in a form.
1 point
You've eaten some Kendal Mint Cake.
1 point
You've changed an eating plan after being
unable to open a screw-topped jar.
1 points
You've decided to stay in after being unable
to find one of your shoes.
1 point
You celebrate Halloween more than your
own birthday.
3 points
*Bonus Points*
You've tripped over the following things:
A high curb
1 point
A loose paving stone
3 points
Your own feet
5 points
You've taken an elevator to travel one floor, which
took longer than walking would have done.
1 point
You're the only person in your office who hasn't
gotten their kids to record their answering-machine
message.
1 point
That's because you rerecord your answering-
machine message every day, giving a detailed
description of your schedule for that day.
3 points
You’ve been to a midnight opening of a shop
When a book, DVD or game was released.
1 point
You've set up your computer so that you can
watch TV at the same time as playing games.
1 point
There are more TVs than rooms in your house.
1 point
...and you keep all of them on all the time.
3 points
When watching TV, you close the curtains, turn
the lights off and sit about three inches away
from the screen.
3 points
You feel powerless when someone else in the
room is holding the remote control.
1 point
In winter, you often get that horrible feeling
when it gets dark outside and you realize
you haven't left the house yet.
1 point
In summer, you often get that horrible feeling
when it gets dark outside and you realize you
haven't left the house yet.
3 points
You're so used to having the curtains closed
in summer that it takes you a while to get used
to the bright sunshine when you finally leave the house.
1 point
You own a thermos bottle.
3 points
You own a clock that displays
all the world time zones.
1 points
*Bonus Points*
For you, getting ready to leave the house in the morning means...
...showering, shaving, ironing your shirt and
trousers, brushing your teeth, combing your
hair, applying deodorant, dressing, leaving
the house.
1 point
...washing your armpits over the sink, brushing
your teeth, putting on clean clothes, leaving
the house.
2 points
...searching for the cleanest pair of pants
on your floor,putting on the same clothes
as the previous day ,leaving the house.
3 points
...getting out of bed, leaving the house in
the clothes you slept in.
5 points
*Bonus Points*
Your watch has the following features:
Hourly chime
1 point
Calculator
1 point
Compass
1 point
Multiple time zones
1 point
Waterproof to 200 yards
1 point
You bought it so you knew when you could start
playing against your trans-Atlantic cyber
friends online.
3 points
You follow instructions even if they're clearly
just there as a legal mandatory, like checking with
your doctor before using your exercise bike.
1 points
You've had a nightmare about your Nintendo DS,
iPod and portable DVD player all running out of
batteries at the same time on a long journey.
1 point
You know the exact amount of sleep you need
to get by and you complain about being tired
for the entire following day if you get slightly less.
1 points
Every single plug in your house has a
powerstrip attached to it.
2 points
Your dog is called "Chewie."
3 points
You have a filing cabinet in your house.
2 points
The only time you ever shower is when
you're itching so much it gets in the way
of your game playing.
4 points
You have more than five allergies.
2 points
...and one of them is for soap.
4 points
You've scanned or photocopied a part of yourself.
1 point
The technology inside your house
is worth more than the house itself.
4 points
You registered your name as a dot com domain
back in 1994, so now the lawyer in Philadelphia
with the same name as you has to use dot net for
his site, even though he attracts five thousand
times more traffic than you.
5 points
You often get nosebleeds for no apparent reason.
1 point
You always keep your books in perfect order,
but you don't mind leaving all your clothes
in a pile in front of your closet.
1 point
You've looked at your watch and realized
that your role-playing games session has
passed the 12-hour mark.
3 points
You've looked at your watch and realized
that your role-playing games session has
passed the 24-hour mark.
5 points
You've spent more than an hour thinking
about the meaning of existence.
1 point
You weren't lying awake at night with insomnia
at the time.
3 points
You still try to avoid stepping on the
cracks between paving stones.
5 points
You've had a dream that you believed to be a
message sent to you by a powerful sage,
instructing you to go on a quest.
5 points
You have more food delivery menus pinned
to your fridge than items of food inside it.
2 points
You measure time in how many episodes of
Buffy you could have watched.
1 point
You have over ten different types of
power adaptors in your house
(add a point for each additional type).
___ points
You've taken a day off work on the day a
book by your favorite author was released.
3 points
You've taken a day off work for an
astronomical event.
5 points
You've bought your own pencil sharpener,
stapler, calculator or hole punch, just so you
could have the best one in the office.
3 points
*Bonus Points*
You've devised a contingency plan for the following eventualities:
A virus turning most of the population into
flesh-eating zombies
1 point
A virus killing most of the population, leaving
the survivorsto rebuild society
1 point
Hostile alien attack
1 point
Plants or animals turning hostile and trying
to wipe out the human race
1 point
Nuclear war
1 point
You've stuck action figures to your computer
at work.
2 points
You've taken responsibility for the alarm system
at every office you've ever worked in, as
you're always the first to get in and the last to leave.
4 points
You've been mentioned briefly in a trade magazine,
and sent a photocopy of the article
to everyone you know.
4 points
You work in an IT department.
4 points
...and you've thought to yourself, "I can't
believe they're paying me to do this,"
while installing a motherboard.
5 points
...and you've asked someone "How long is a
long it would take you to fix their computer.
5 points
...and you've asked someone "Which part of
the sentence 'I'm too busy to do it at the
moment' don't you understand?"
5 points
You work in a comic shop.
3 points
You don't work in a comic shop, but you spend
all your time hanging around in one anyway.
4 points
When there's a signing on at your local
comic shop, you always turn up early
so you can make new friends in the line.
5 points
IF YOU'RE ANGRY WITH SOMEONE AT WORK,
YOU SEND THEM AN EMAIL IN UPPER CASE.
1 POINT
You've eaten cereal out of a measuring cup
because you couldn't be bothered to wash a bowl.
2 points
Your mobile ring tone is the Doctor Who theme,
"The Imperial March," or a recording of yourself
shouting "Ring Ring! Pick up your phone!"
1 point
Your password is "Lothlorien" or "Rivendell."
1 point
Your PIN is 1138.
1 point
If you're really angry with someone at work,
you change their screen saver to some porn.
3 points
If you're really angry with someone at work,
you sign up their email address for spam.
5 points
You've fantasized about being a rock star.
1 point
You've fantasized about having superpowers.
3 points
You've fantasized about solving a difficult equation.
5 points
To you, a "marathon" means watching all the
extended editions of The Lord of the Rings without
stopping, rather than running 26 miles
without stopping.
1 point
You've never answered "No" to the question
"Continue?"
1 point
Total points for this section:
*Bonus checklist*
You've been called any of the following names:
Egghead
1 point
Braniac
1 point
Whiz Kid
1 point
Bookworm
1 point
Hacker
1 point
Poindexter
1 point
Dork
1 point
Dweeb
1 point
Professor
1 point
Square
1 point
Dorkwad
1 point
Four Eyes
1 point
Techie
1 point
Propeller Head
1 point
Loser
1 point
Dungeon Master
1 point
Brains
1 point
Fanboy
1 point
Technocrat
1 point
AV Guy
1 point
Total