An Ounce of Prevention: How Parents Can Stop Childhood Behavioral and Emotional Problems before They Start

by Lawrence E. Shapiro PhD

Overview

Most parents understand the importance of prevention when it comes to the physical health and safety of their children. But what many parents don't realize is that it is also possible to use preventive measures for emotional and behavorial problems. As child psychologist Dr. Lawrence E. Shapiro explains in this provacative new book, parents tend to start paying attention only after actual symptoms begin to develop. Yet many problems can be addressed long before symptoms appear-if parents know just what to look for. Preventing emotional problems is much easier than treating them after they have already become disruptive to a child's life.

In An Ounce of Prevention, Dr.Shapiro presents a variety of imaginative, highly successful strategies for handling the pivotal moments in every child's emotional developmentm, from the infant and toddler years through the grad school and teenage years. He helps you understand whether your child is at risk for specific problems and what you can do to reduce the risk. Dr.Shapiro offers advice for parents on such subjects as depression, underachievement, shyness, eating disorders, fallout from divorce, ADHD, and much more.

Some of the suggestions will seem like common sense. Teaching your child good eating habits from a very young age will prevent eating disorders in adolescence. Helping a shy child make a phone call to a new friend will prevent social alienation in the teen years. But other recommendations may be surprising. Fearful babies should not be coddled if they outgrow their hypersensitivity. Toddlers should not be overly praised if you want them to as strive for success later in childhood. Parents should become more involved in their teenagers' education even when their teens are pulling away.

Filled with wonderful examples and lots of concrete advice, this book presents all the skills you need to hlep your child become more resilient when confronted with many problems that face today's children and teens. Provide "an ounce of prevention" every day. It will make a difference in your child's happines-and yours.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062029546
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	11/16/2010
Sold by:	HARPERCOLLINS
Format:	eBook
Pages:	320
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Lawrence E. Shapiro, Ph.D., the inventor pf more than two dozen theraputic games and a frequent lecturer, is the author of How to Raise a Child with a High E.Q.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Stop Emotional Problems Before They Start

All parents understand the importance of prevention when it comes to the physical health and safety of their children. Before the baby even arrives home from the hospital, parents begin plugging up electrical outlets and installing baby gates on the top and bottom of their stairs. They teach their toddlers to brush their teeth several times a day and to stay away from sharp objects. Parents conscientiously buckle their young children into approved car seats and make sure that bicycle helmets are securely fastened. They remind their children over and over not to speak to strangers. These are classic preventive measures, and parents everywhere adhere to them in order to keep their children physically safe.

But unfortunately, too many parents stop there. They think ahead when it comes to bodily harm, yet when it comes to emotional problems, most parents tend to start paying attention only when signs of maladjustment appear on the horizon. Depression, eating disorders, behavioral problems, school underachievement, shyness, and more come into focus only when the child displays disruptive symptoms.

Certainly these problems can be treated and/or managed once they appear, but it is always far more complex to undo a problem than it is to keep one from occurring at all. It would, in other words, be infinitely better if preventive measures for emotional problems were undertaken as early and automatically as are those for physical safety. There are no guarantees, of course, that doing so would completely eradicate emotional difficulties, but certainly preventive measures could keep suchproblems more manageable and less likely to interfere with a child's normal development.The fact is that children are as vulnerable to emotional dangers as they are to physical ones. The statistics are staggering.

• Childhood and adolescent depression is rising at an alarming rate, nearly doubling over the last twenty years.
• Eating disorders affect almost 15 percent of teenage girls.
• Three thousand children a day start smoking, at an average age of 11.
• According to a recent Harvard study, nearly 45 percent of all college students are binge drinkers.
• Over 45 percent of children are affected by divorce, and studies show that 20 to 30 percent of these children will suffer long-term effects from the breakup of the family.
• American children use 90 percent of the world's Ritalin, more than five times the rest of the world combined.
• Every school day 17,152 students are suspended for misbehavior, and another 2,789 high school students drop out entirely. Over 5,000 children are arrested, 237 for violent crimes.

It's not that parents are unaware of potential emotional problems. All parents hope that their children will feel good about themselves, form close friendships, and enjoy a satisfying and challenging life as they grow up. Most parents experience concern at the slightest sign that their children are troubled. But it seems a far simpler matter to grip a child's hand firmly when crossing the street than it is, for instance, to figure out how to help him control his impulsiveness, make friends easily, or cope with divorce. Then, too, it is not only that parents don't know how to ensure their child's emotional health; many are unconvinced that their efforts would indeed have any effect at all.

Do Parents Matter?

In 1998, Judith Harris touched on this chord of self-doubt in her book The Nurture Assumption: Do Parents Really Make a Difference?, which questioned whether parents really have any significant role in shaping the lives of their children when compared to the influence of their children's peers.

To be fair to Ms. Harrris, her stated intention in writing this book is not to degrade the role of parenthood but rather to put it into a realistic perspective. In questioning the omnipotence of parenthood, she seeks to relieve parents from shouldering 100 percent of the blame when, in spite of their devotion and sacrifices, their children fail to grow up to be happy, successful, and caring adults. As the description on her book jacket notes, “Parenting does not match its widely publicized job description. It is a job in which sincerity and hard work do not guarantee success.”

To some degree I would have to agree with that. Children are not born as blank slates. They bring into the world their own unique temperaments, some of which are more open to modification than others. And yes, as they grow they will find themselves under the influence of many people, including peers, teachers, and other relatives'not to mention the media. But to conclude therefore that parents have a minimal impact on their children is an oversimplification of fifty years of developmental research and an affront to the tens of thousands of mental-health professionals and educators who dedicate their lives to helping parents raise happier, healthier, and more successful children. The paramount relationship in a child's life'the one in which there exists the most constancy and trust'is that with a parent. Only a parent is always there to reframe a life experience, guide a child through the dangerous rapids of life's challenges, and help to mold her into an emotionally healthy person.

Our knowledge about a child's inborn temperament is frequently traced back to the work of two physicians, Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess, who conducted a study investigating the role of temperament in 140 children from birth to adolescence. It was concluded in this and subsequent follow-up studies that temperament is a highly stable part of development. A baby who hardly cries will become a toddler who does not complain when his clothes are pulled over his head, and still later he will likely be a ten-year-old who corrects his mistakes quietly. A baby who reacts irritably when being diapered will likely be a picky eater and have a hard time adjusting to change.

However, studies have also shown that even though temperament is a genetically loaded trait, it can sometimes be altered through intervention. Studies that compared parents who gently pushed their timid babies into being more adaptable with those parents who protected their shy babies from change revealed that the infants who were prodded to “venture out” grew out of their shy habits by age five...

An Ounce of Prevention. Copyright © by Lawrence E. Shapiro, Ph.D.. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

What People are Saying About This

Edward W. Werz

An Ounce of Prevention is the Twenty-First Century's "Dr. Spock" for the emotional health of children. This invaluable, easy-to-read and understand guide is a "must have" for every family. It offers the skills parents need to help their children avoid the "trouble zones"—behavior problems, fears and phobias, eating disorders, and much more—and grow to become emotionally healthy and satisfied people.
— (Edward W. Werz, CEO, The Bureau for At-Risk Youth)

Charles E. Schaefer

Clearly written, authoritative, and practical . . .as a compendium of strategies for preventing behavior problems in children, there is nothing better. Highly recommended for both parents of young children and parents to be!
— (Charles E. Schaefer, Ph.D., author of How to Talk to Teens About Really Important Things)

Kelly Zinna

Sound advice for parents raising children in today's dangerous times. From the cradle to the cap and gown, Dr. Shapiro's insights help to successfully guide parents through the ever-growing minefield of child rearing.
— (Kelly Zinna, Psy.D., author of After Columbine: A Schoolplace Violence Prevention Manual)

Editorial Reviews

Our Review
All parents have fears for their child: What if something horrible happens to him? Will he be able to cope with the divorce? What if she develops an eating disorder? Will she have a normal sexuality? Will he overcome his fears? These are the kinds of concerns parents push into the corners of their minds, telling themselves they will cross those bridges when they get to them. Meanwhile, they are hoping fervently they never will.

Author and doctor Lawrence Shapiro tells us this is exactly what we should not be doing. Don't just hope or wait until the problems have already come, he advises; start preventing them from the day your child is born. He offers small, daily steps toward helping children develop healthy behavioral and emotional habits from infancy through adolescence. Chapters on prevention touch on topics as broad as emotional and behavioral disorders and as narrow as eating problems, underachievement, problems in sexuality and relationships, and problems stemming from divorced parents.

Each chapter begins with a presentation of the risk factors for certain problems so that parents can understand and assess the risk for their own child. The chapter about underachievement, for example, contains a discussion of the contributions of the family's socioeconomic level, a disruptive family event, permissive parenting, temperament, gender, sibling dynamics, and a sense of entitlement in gifted children.

Shapiro then describes ways in which parents can prevent specific problems from developing, from infancy through adolescence. These recommendations often include advice for the parent to step further into the relationship with the child, not away from it, no matter what signals the child (especially if he is a teenager) may be sending. This doesn't mean that the parent should be more controlling but that he should be more proactive, attentive, and communicative.

In discussing the prevention of emotional problems, for example, the author suggests that parents teach their children how to relax. Just saying, "Calm down!" when children are stressed, irritated, or afraid will have no effect if they have no physical reference for these words. Instead, before a problem develops, parents can teach children to take deep breaths, to refocus, and to relax their muscles when they want to calm down. Parents can even create a relaxation corner complete with pillows and soothing music where a child can go if he is feeling overly aggressive or frustrated or nervous.

The author addresses computer technology as well, recommending web sites, software, and email subscriptions that may help adults and children learn about and cope with particular problems. Shapiro also points out the problems presented by computers with respect to certain issues, such as Internet pornography's effect on a child's budding sexuality and the draw of virtual worlds over the real world for shy children.

While reading the book, you will probably feel that you're in the company of a mental health expert. You may also feel that this is not someone who is emotionally close to many children. The short anecdotes about children are fictitious, and some of the advice doesn't have the flavor of real child conversation. As with any book of advice, you will find yourself filtering the suggestions of the author through the lens of your own knowledge of your child and your own instincts for what will bring forth the best in her. Perhaps you cannot imagine role-playing with your withdrawn teenage boy about starting a conversation with a girl on a bus. Perhaps you don't believe that your infant needs to learn how to soothe herself more than she needs to be held. On the other hand, for every unhelpful idea, the author probably presents another that is either helpful in itself or makes you think of something helpful you could try.

It is unusual to find a book that talks immediately and directly to so many of parents' deep fears for their children, not with a doomsayer's voice but with a voice of power, assertiveness, and hope. Shapiro's An Ounce of Prevention can give you the courage to take positive steps now toward creating a happier and healthier future for your child.

--Kate Montgomery

bn.com

Pointing to the high statistical incidence of divorce, childhood and adolescent depression, college binge drinking and eating disorders, child psychologist Shapiro (How to Raise a Child with a High E.Q.) warns parents that children are as susceptible to mental health and behavioral problems as they are to physical dangers. Because children raised in either overly permissive or overly demanding homes are at risk, Shapiro emphasizes the importance of taking an "authoritative" parenting approach, citing the need for constant commitment to preventative measures (motivation, connection and reinforcement). Identifying major risk factors for emotional disorders--like a child's temperament, academic experience and emotional intelligence--is made simple with the author's convenient organization of chapters by subjects such as ADHD, trauma, underachievement, shyness, sexuality and gender identity, each offering detailed and age specific (from infant to teen) techniques for parents to capitalize on the "windows of opportunity" for prevention that exist at every developmental stage. The author's abundant practical tips for communication, his anecdotal stories and his sensible advice on how to best incorporate Internet and software resources will help many parents steer their children toward a healthy life. (Aug.) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.

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