A Year of Sacred Moments: The Soul Seeker's Guide to Inspired Living

by Hanna Perlberger

Overview

“A Year of Sacred Moments is a spiritual guide, a moral compass, that can help you navigate life’s challenging terrain. The sacred moments you will experience as you work your way through the book will positively impact your days, your weeks, and your life as a whole.”

Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Being Happy and Happier

Many of us are looking for a personal breakthrough, a revelation that brings about meaning to our lives and invokes healing at a deep level.  Based on biblical wisdom and through her own story of personal struggle, Hanna Perlberger reveals timeless truths in an uncomplicated manner.  
Her simple, yet profound teachings soften the hardened heart, and when life hurts, she inspires us to bring gratitude and acceptance into the present moment.  Although life’s journey can be challenging, Perlberger’s work serves to reveal the source of our self-limiting beliefs to bring about much-needed transformation and extend a hand of friendship when we need it most.

“Hanna Perlberger guides the reader with an interactive exploration of Torah to create a more meaningful and personal connection with the sacred.”

Rabbi David Aaron, author of The Secret life of God, Endless Light and The God Powered Life

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781504385572
Publisher:	Balboa Press
Publication date:	10/12/2017
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	274
File size:	590 KB

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

WHERE ARE YOU IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION

(Bereishit/Genesis 1:1 – 6:8)

"Questions are powerful tools. They can ignite hope and lead to new insights. They can also destroy hope and keep us stuck in bad assumptions."

- Michael Hyatt

In the face of questionable or annoying behavior, we often make the mistake of asking "Why?" For the most part, asking someone "why" questions, such as, "Why are you so disorganized? Why did you leave your wet towel on the floor? Why did you forget to take your lunch to school? Why did you leave on all the lights? Why did you blah blah blah ..." are bad questions. How so?

"Why" questions are often less of a genuine inquiry into the truth of the matter and more of a veiled accusation and criticism. When your spouse comes into the kitchen in the middle of the night craving that last bit of beef with broccoli, for example, and finds the empty Chinese food container surreptitiously buried in the trash, there are no really "good" answers to the interrogation that is sure to follow.

Killer Communication

Relationship expert, John Gottman, famously uses the phrase, "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," to refer to the four communication styles that kill relationships, one of which is "Defensiveness." When we feel unjustly accused of something, we defend ourselves by denying, fishing for excuses, blaming, and turning the tables on the accuser to make it his or her fault.

Sometimes, however, we can get triggered, and process an innocent or good question as being a verbal attack – when it isn't. We're all familiar with the story of Adam eating the forbidden fruit and then hiding from God. God never asked Adam why he ate the forbidden fruit; God simply asked, "Where are you?"

The Existential Inquiry

Obviously, this wasn't a literal question, with God playing Hide & Go Seek, peering at the bushes and saying, "Come out, come out wherever you are." It was an existential inquiry. "Where are you?" is a probe of the internal mechanism whereby Adam made it OK to disobey God. No matter how destructive the behavior, there is always an inner voice that convinces us that it's OK, justifiable, or even a moral imperative. No one, I dare say, eats chocolate frosted donuts, or is unfaithful to a partner by accident. Multiple choices have to be made and multiple permissions granted for the mind to distort reality and excuse any behavior. God wanted Adam to contemplate the grave consequences of his behavior, because if Adam was hiding from God, and thus, disconnected from his very Creator, where then could he possibly be?

Response - Ability

The antidote for defensiveness is simple - own your stuff. Take responsibility for your part however big or small, in creating the issue. God was hoping that the first man would "man up," learn from his mistake and reconnect. Adam's disobedience, however, had created in him such a deep sense of shame, that he processed God's inquiry as a "why" question; a verbal attack. Consequently, Adam engaged in typical defensive behaviors. Adam blamed his wife for giving him the fruit which he ate, and then he doubled down by blaming God for giving him a wife to begin with.

Even worse, Adam failed to show remorse. The Sages point out that in the Hebrew text, the verb "ate" is in the future tense. Incredibly, Adam was in effect admitting that even if he had the chance for a do-over, he would commit the same sin again, that for all time, Adam will eat that apple, because he is not capable of or interested in changing. He's just that apple-eating guy. Having rejected God's overture and bid to repair the relationship, is it any wonder that at that point, God responded, "You're outta here!"

Who Are You?

Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, (the famous Chassidic rabbi known as the Alter Rebbe) 2 explains that "Where are you?" really means, "Who are you - at this moment of your life?" For as we go through the trials and tribulations of life, as well as its joys and delights, we can imagine that embedded in each situation is God's implied question to us: "Where/who are you now ... and now ... and here ... and here ... with this ordeal. ... or even that triumph?" And ask yourself, "Are you in relationship with God? Are you connected?"

The Hebrew word for "sin" is "cheit." It means, "to miss the mark," and so we are to understand that it is the very nature of transgressions to take us off course. As anyone who uses GPS knows, we often miss a turn, but the first thing that happens when the system re-routes is to pinpoint our location. Unlike the first man, we must be willing to recalibrate our assumptions, to take responsibility for our actions and respond appropriately.

As Viktor E. Frankl, author of "Man's Search for Meaning," said, "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." 3 "Where are you?" is a very good question. May our answers be good in turn, may our way be clear, and let's not ever be "that guy," unable to come out from behind the bush, hiding from God, bitter at life and who doesn't know where he's going.

Internalize & Actualize:

1. Think about your life right now from an emotional, spiritual and physical perspective. Write down how you would define "where are you" in these three categories. Then, with each one, write down if where you are is where you want to be. If so, why and what can you do to keep it that way? If not, what will you need to change or work on in order to get to where you want to be? __________________________________________________________________________

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2. Bereishit is the very first word in the Torah and begins with the Hebrew letter "Beit." "Beit" is numerically equivalent to "two" and one of the explanations is a reminder that we are not intended to get through life alone. We all need others with whom to connect, and others need us as well. Think through where you have been versus where you are now (and where you are going), and who in your life has helped you get there. This week, reach out to those people if possible, and let them know how they have helped you. __________________________________________________________________________

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3. Likewise, we all have people that we feel have gotten in the way of our being able to reach where we want to be. And yet, when we remove our defensiveness, sometimes we find that the very people that created obstacles actually forced us (intentionally or not) to become stronger, more resilient and work that much harder. Think about people or situations to which you have ascribed blame. Imagine removing your defenses, and now write down how they may have helped you - more than you may have wanted to admit. __________________________________________________________________________

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CHAPTER 2

CRITICISM OR COMPASSION – WHICH WILL MOVE YOU FORWARD?

(Noach/Genesis 6:9 – 11:32)

"Awakening self-compassion is often the greatest challenge people face on the spiritual path."

- Tara Brach

Here comes Rosh Hashanah again. This year, I promise myself, my dreams for my big, actualized and transformed life will come true. This year, I will be consistently kind, thoughtful, compassionate, disciplined, etc. So, there's the "me" before the Jewish holidays. And there's the future version of the "me" that I yearn to become.

The Fear of Can I Pull It Off?

And yet, can I pull it off? I seem to stand frozen on the precipice of change. What if I fall flat, come up short, or just never change? After all, my same struggles are still here, and year after year, I seem to be apologizing to the same people (and to God) for the same stuff. For honesty's sake, shouldn't I be more realistic about my future?

Coincidentally, in "Noach," I noticed a similar hesitation going on. For an entire year, Noah and his family were cooped up in the Ark. Conditions on the Ark were extremely challenging. It was hot, smelly, dark, and noisy. The animals were a constant burden, not to mention frightening and dangerous. Imagine the emotional trauma of being tossed afloat in raging waters while life, as everyone knew it, was coming to a cataclysmic end.

And now, at long last, the doors of the Ark were flung open. Fresh air! Sunlight! Dry Land! And no one makes a move. No one does the "Happy Dance." Why didn't they have the frenzied urgency of high schoolers on the last day of class? In fact, Noah had to be commanded to order everyone out and if need be - to force them out against their will! How was this possible?

One of the most common fears we have is the fear of failure, anxious that we won't succeed if we try something new, and that we won't succeed when following our true passions. Our heart shows the way, and yet we stand frozen and afraid to follow.

Look Who's Talkin'

As if on cue, the inner critic takes over as the absolute and unchallenged voice of authority. It urges us not to step out on that dry land. After all, staying on the Ark may be better than facing the challenge of creating civilization anew. And being in that place, stuck between "who you are" and "who you want to be" – where your only real obstacle is yourself – is a painful place. How you deal with that pain makes all the difference of whether you remain trapped or whether you can move forward.

I subscribe to a daily e-mail, and this was today's message: "One of the most awesome things about liking who you are, approving of yourself, and loving yourself is that you get to hang around with Hanna all day." Yea – I know. Trust me; I was rolling my eyes too. And then, as I was about to hit the delete button, I suddenly realized how important this idea is. Honestly, how painful is your day tied to someone you don't like? And that voice - that harsh critical voice - I dare say we would never talk to another person the way we talk to ourselves. This inner conversation keeps us locked in a prison of secret shame and blame, and that is not a place from which we can grow and transform ourselves – or anything or anyone else for that matter.

"Wait," you say, "if I like and approve of myself, or even love myself, then how would I change the things that I need to change? Won't I stay the same? How is that possibly a good thing?" Thanks to shame researcher Brené Brown, we know there is a critical difference between "I made a mistake," versus the inner shame that tells us, "I am a mistake." 5 See the distinction? We can love ourselves even when we blunder. Acknowledging mistakes lets us figure out a better way. Shame, on the other hand, keeps us stuck in what doesn't work. Try as we may, we can't hate our way to spiritual growth or solutions.

The Methodology of Loving Self-Talk

So, what do we do with that fear that keeps us in the Ark? How do we engage the voice that lies in wait for us to mess up again to prove we will never change and that it's folly to bother? Here's one strategy that I suggest - C.A.R.E. – which I learned from positive psychology coach, Lynda Wallace:

Catch. Notice when you're engaging in punishing self-criticism. Observe how the inner critic uses a minor slip-up to try to get you to give up completely, convincing you that you will never obtain your goals.

Acknowledge: Recognize the pain that the self-criticism is causing. Find the emotion in your heart and your body. Don't resist it, just allow it and send it compassion.

Request: Speak gently to your self-critic: (I know you're trying to help, but you're not actually helping, and you are causing me unnecessary pain. Please stop being so self-critical.)

Encourage: Replace the critical self-talk with supportive self-talk, such as a wise and caring friend might offer. How would you speak to a friend who was down on herself? Give yourself the gift that you freely give others – an understanding and compassionate heart that speaks truthfully, but with kindness and empathy.

In my list of goals to accomplish in anticipation of the New Year, self-compassion was not even on my radar. As I stand now, however, wanting to take a step out of my comfort zone, I understand that treating my fear with contempt and harsh self-evaluation will only guarantee that I remain in place.

Ironic as it may seem, it is through self-compassion, liking ourselves, and yes – even loving ourselves - that we can move forward. Self-compassion is the emotional stance that reveals potential. And it is self-compassion that permits us to converge the "who we are" with the "who we want to be." Self-compassion lets us spend the days of our lives hanging out in the company of someone we kinda like. And then, anything is possible.

Internalize & Actualize:

1. Sit in a quiet room, close your eyes and say out loud: "You deserve self-compassion. You deserve kindness. You are worthy of goodness." Now write down the first thoughts that come to your mind. How does saying this make you feel? __________________________________________________________________________

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2. Now focus on your inner critic. Think about something you are hesitant to do or try because you fear you won't succeed. What messages is your inner critic giving you? Make a short list of all the things you would do if that inner critic were dismissed altogether. __________________________________________________________________________

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3. Look at that list of what you would ideally do if the inner critic weren't talking to you. Now, in very practical ways, write down five things you can begin to do immediately to work towards these goals. It could be as simple as making a phone call or researching options online, but make that list so that by next week you can know that you have put the inner critic aside and started working in the direction you need to go. __________________________________________________________________________

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(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "A Year of Sacred Moments"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Hanna Perlberger.
Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Book of Bereishit/Book of Genesis,
1. Where Are You is a Very Good Question, 1,
2. Criticism or Compassion – Which Will Move You Forward?, 5,
3. The Journey of the Limitless Self, 9,
4. The Unbinding of Our Children, 13,
5. Weaving the Garments of Our Lives, 17,
6. Heroic Humility – An Uncommon Virtue, 21,
7. An Attitude of Gratitude, 25,
8. No Bad Angels – How to Engage Creatively with Stress, 30,
9. And Suddenly ... It All Made Sense, 34,
10. Oh, the Lies We Tell, 38,
11. The Power of Story in Our Lives, 42,
12. How to See the Good All Around You, 46,
Book of Shemot/Exodus,
13. The Who of Who You Are, 53,
14. Why Making Redemption a Daily Habit is Good for You and Your Relationships, 57,
15. The Balancing Act of Freedom – Knowing When to Be What, 61,
16. Is Your Optimism Grounded in Reality?, 66,
17. Softening the Hardened Heart, 70,
18. Wholly Love, 75,
19. Being Happy – Living from Abundance, 79,
20. Clothes Do Make the Man, 83,
21. How Solid Is Your Sense of Self?, 87,
22. Living the Dream, 91,
23. Building Relationship Capital, 95,
Book of Vayikra/Leviticus,
24. Hearing the Voice of God, 101,
25. The Right of Repair, 106,
26. Judaism - It's NOT to Die For, 110,
27. When Truth Hurts, 114,
28. The Way Back, 118,
29. The Brain Game, 123,
30. Authentic Freedom, 127,
31. Lighten Up!, 131,
32. Mountaintop Reality - Trekking to Holiness, 135,
33. The Whisper of Love, 139,
Book of Bamidbar/Numbers,
34. Be Small but Stand Tall (A Jewish Paradox), 145,
35. Living Forward, 149,
36. The Power of Co-Creating Reality, 154,
37. Five Steps to Better Relationships, 159,
38. The Power of the Question, 163,
39. Finding Meaning in Mystery, 167,
40. Three Ways to Transform Curses into Blessings, 172,
41. Practicing Unilateral Virtue in the Face of Evil, 177,
42. The Dual Nature of Our Strength, 181,
43. The Journey of the Journey, 186,
The Book of Devarim/Deuteronomy,
44. The Easy Life Versus the Meaningful Life, 191,
45. Who's Gonna Know?, 196,
46. The Secret Weapon to a Culture of Hate, 200,
47. Believing Is Seeing, 204,
48. Justice, Justice Shall You Pursue, 208,
49. The Power of No, 212,
50. Don't Be a Basket Case, 216,
51. The Search for Meaning, 219,
52. Do the Right Thing – It's Not That Hard, 223,
53. Finding Our Song, 227,
54. A Whole-Hearted Affair, 231,