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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781617222467 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Companion Press |
| Publication date: | 03/01/2017 |
| Pages: | 128 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.10(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.80(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Meet the Directors
EDITOR'S NOTE:
This chapter and many that follow run Sam Standard's and Grace Gatekeeper's versions of the funeral side by side. This helps emphasize that the two funerals are happening simultaneously. It also allows us to see at-a-glance what Sam and Grace are doing differently at any given moment. However, I recommend that in each chapter you first read Sam's story, which appears on the left-hand pages, all the way through then read Grace's. You will also notice that I've highlighted small sections of text here and there throughout the two storylines. These are the key moments that differentiate Sam's funeral direction from Grace's. Feel free to add your own highlighting, underlining, and notes in the margins.
SAM STANDARD — the experienced, likeable funeral service veteran
When Sam Standard's phone played its harp music at 4:30 a.m. — his kids assumed the ringtone was ironic, but Sam actually liked it — he was already awake. A loud clap of thunder had jolted him from a dream about fishing. He'd just hooked a lake trout — a big one, because it had nearly yanked the fishing rod from his hands. Sam rarely found free time for his favorite hobby. Now, awake and reaching for his phone, he felt a pang of disappointment that he didn't even get to land a dream trout.
On the other end of the line, Sam's boss, John Knight, told him that an elderly woman with cancer had died at her daughter's home. "I've arranged to pick her up 5:30," said John. "I'll swing by and get you on the way."
"Sure thing," said Sam. "See you soon."
Sam, John Knight's nephew, had worked for Knight & Day Funeral Home for his entire career in funeral service. In fact, his thirty-year anniversary date was next month. As he dressed, Sam found himself wondering absently how many death calls he'd taken in three decades. Let's see ... a hundred times a year, on average ... so, more than 3,000, almost certainly. That was a lot of dead people — and also a lot of families he'd felt privileged to help through their worst days. The feeling was mutual; many of them asked for him by name whenever someone they loved died.
Sam's wife, Becky, had already started a pot of coffee by the time he got to the kitchen. "Ahhhh ...," he said, inhaling deeply. "Liquid energy! Thanks, honey."
With a start, Sam realized that if his thirtieth anniversary with Knight & Day was coming up soon, that meant his thirtieth wedding anniversary was fast-approaching, too. He and Becky had been married at St. Paul's Lutheran — the same church they still attended most Sundays — soon after he finished mortuary school. What was the thirtieth anniversary gift again? Diamonds? Becky, he knew, would rather have a trip to Diamond Head on Oahu. Unfortunately, neither was probably in the cards. Maybe they could spend a weekend in Colorado's Rocky Mountains, not far from their home. Diamond Lake Trail near Nederland was beautiful ...
"Day shift today?" Sam asked Becky. As an ICU nurse, she sometimes worked erratic hours, too, though rarely more than forty hours a week. She also understood death and the call to help people.
"Yep," said Becky. "Then I'm headed to the grocery store. Cameron and Lucy will be here tomorrow, remember?"
"Oh, right," said Sam. Cameron was their son, twenty-five years old and — finally — gainfully employed. He and his girlfriend, Lucy, would be visiting for the weekend. Sam hoped he'd be able to spend some time with them. "What about Jess?"
Jess was their daughter, a free-spirited philosophy major who'd quit college to "decide who she wanted to be." Meanwhile, she waitressed and shared a house in Denver with a motley crew of millennials.
"I didn't hear back from her," said Becky. "Maybe we'll see her; maybe we won't."
Sam kissed Becky good-bye and made his way to the front door, where he would watch for John Knight to pull up in the funeral home van. But on the way, he stopped for a moment to really look at the family photo gallery in the hallway, which he usually walked right by without noticing.
There was Cameron as a toddler, then in his baseball uniform, and later, rock-climbing. There was Jess after she'd lost her front teeth and, in high school, picking beans at the community garden. There were Sam and Becky on their wedding day. There were the four of them at Disney World — the one big trip he could remember taking as a family. There were Sam's parents at their fiftieth anniversary party — his father now dead and his mother alone in a senior high-rise.
Sam's mother was the same age as Carol Williams, it occurred to him. He really should find time to call her today, maybe even surprise her by bringing her lunch.
Sam heard the thrum of the funeral home van's engine in the driveway and stepped out into the dawning light to join John Knight. It was time to meet the Williams family and care for Carol Williams.
GRACE GATEKEEPER — the young, enthusiastic shaker-upper
Grace Gatekeeper may have been the go-go-go type when she was awake, but she slept like, well, the dead. It took three different alarms to get her up on time for work every morning. Fortunately, before she'd gone to bed the night before, she'd docked her cell phone in the speaker/alarm clock on her nightstand and turned the volume on high. So John Knight's 4:30 a.m. phone call not only blasted her out of bed, it also brought her roommate, Jason, running into her room in fear that something must be wrong.
"It's OK," she told Jason after hanging up with Mr. Knight. "Just a death call. Go back to bed."
Jason clapped his hands to his eyes in exasperation and left Grace's room. She knew Jason didn't "get" her choice of career. He wasn't the only one. Most of her twenty-something friends thought she was crazy.
"I am crazy," she mumbled to herself as she fished in her closet for something to wear. Dark dress slacks were suitable for removals. Maybe that dark top with the subtle dot pattern. Grace always wanted to convey respect, but she also liked a bit of energy in her outfits.
"Why am I doing this again?" she asked her cat, Winston, who still snoozed on her pillow. In response, her mind instantly conjured her mother.
After ten years of treatment and relapses, Grace's mom had finally succumbed to breast cancer when Grace was a junior in high school. And what do high-school juniors have to focus on (besides clothes, music, and dating)? Careers. Colleges. Before her mom died, Grace had no idea what she wanted to do. But after, Grace found herself oddly drawn to the rituals of the visitation, the ceremony, the committal service, and all the other funeral parts and pieces. Plus, the funeral home staff was so present to her. They weren't afraid to talk about what happened to her mother. They didn't look away when she started to cry. They understood death. The grieving Grace found herself wanting to understand death, too, and to help people as the funeral home staff did.
So despite her dad's trepidation, Grace declared she was going to community college for a two-year mortuary science degree. And she did. To celebrate after graduation, and in memory of her mother, she had a small angel tattooed on her chest near her heart.
Now, age twenty-six and the junior-most funeral director at Knight & Day, Grace had become all too aware of how hard funeral home employees worked. The hours were long. Grace couldn't stay out all night like some of her friends did. It was also all but impossible to find time for her other passions — books, vintage clothing, and travel.
Plus, Grace didn't always agree with the status quo at Knight & Day. In funeral service, "the way we've always done it" was sometimes a good thing and sometimes not so good, she'd observed.
Now that she had a few years as a funeral assistant and one year as a full-fledged funeral director under her belt, Grace found that she had lots of ideas. She didn't just want to help families cope and get by; she wanted to help them create funerals that were unique and unforgettable!
Why couldn't funerals be more like weddings? A lot of Grace's friends were getting married lately. In fact, her best friend, Molly, was getting married soon, and Grace would be a bridesmaid. Grace saw all the time the money and loving attention that were lavished on weddings. Shouldn't funerals be the same way, she figured? Aren't they just as important?
Grace remembered a talk she'd heard a funeral service innovator give at a recent funeral service convention. "The customer is rapidly changing," he'd warned. "And funeral service has to change, too — or you might as well put a sign in the front yard that says, 'Slowing Going Out of Business.'" Fortunately, John Knight was open-minded. He wanted to hear Grace's ideas. In fact, he looked to Grace to help Knight & Day adapt and thrive.
As Grace brushed her teeth, she raised her eyebrow at her reflection in the mirror. "Well?" her expression challenged. "Are you gonna go create an unforgettable funeral for the Williams family or not?"
She bounded out to the waiting funeral home van. Only after John Knight had handed her a tissue did she realize she'd neglected to wipe the toothpaste from her lips.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION
1. At first glance, how are you similar to and different from Sam Standard and Grace Gatekeeper, both personally and professionally?
2. How are the funeral directors you have met or worked with similar to or different from Sam Standard and Grace Gatekeeper?
3. Why did you choose/are you choosing to be a funeral director? How have your motivations evolved since you first made the decision?
4. What do you believe is the role of funeral homes in your community and why?
5. Describe the worst funeral you have ever directed or attended. Why was it so ineffective?
6. Describe the best funeral you have ever directed or attended. Why was it so memorable and effective?
CHAPTER 2The Transfer
SAM STANDARD
As promised, Sam and John Knight pulled up at at the Williams' family home at 5:30 a.m. sharp. The fierce thunderstorm had subsided, and the rising sun pinked the clouds to the east.
Leaving the gurney and slide board in the Knight & Day funeral home van, Sam and John walked to the front door, where John knocked gently. On the short ride over, John had shared with Sam, his nephew and longtime employee, what the homeowner, Jennifer Jones, had told him about the woman who died — Jennifer's mother, Carol Williams, age eighty-two, pancreatic cancer.
"You must be Jennifer," said John Knight when a bleary-eyed woman answered the door. "I'm John Knight, and this is Sam Standard, my nephew and our most experienced funeral director."
"Oh. You're the funeral home people!" Jennifer said. She smiled ruefully and shook her head. "I didn't realize it was already morning. We've been sitting with Mom, but I guess it's time for her to go."
"There's no rush," assured Sam. "Maybe we could come inside and talk a little about the funeral? We also have paperwork to fill out, so there's no hurry."
Jennifer invited the men into her kitchen, where she offered them a cup of coffee. Jennifer's husband, Clark, soon joined them, and the foursome sipped coffee as the talk turned to pancreatic cancer.
"It's a terrible disease," agreed John. "As you can imagine, we meet many families who have gone through it. I'm sorry your mother had to suffer."
Jennifer wiped her eyes and nodded.
"You wouldn't know it to look at her now, but Carol was a real pistol," said Clark. "That cancer took the wind out of her sails in no time."
"And she was eighty-two," sighed Jennifer. "I guess we have to be grateful we had her as long as we did. Many people don't get to live so long."
"That's true," said Sam, looking Jennifer in the eye. "But it's never easy when it's someone we love, no matter how old they are. My mother is the same age, and I know that I'm going to be a mess when she dies."
Sam's empathy set Jennifer crying again. She stood to grab a tissue from the box on the counter and refill their coffee mugs.
"So tell me how this works," said Jennifer, blowing her nose and sitting down again. "I haven't done this before."
"We're here to make everything as easy as possible for you in the coming days," said Sam. "I'll be handling your mother's funeral arrangements, which means I'll be your main contact."
"Though everyone at Knight & Day is there to help as well," added John Knight.
"Do you know what kind of funeral your mother wanted?" asked Sam. "Don't worry — we're not going to try to make all the arrangements right this minute — we'll have a separate meeting tomorrow to go over all the details — but it would help to know generally what you have in mind. Did she have a funeral plan?"
"Well, my dad is buried at Collinsville Cemetery," said Jennifer, "so we'll put Mom next to him. Oh my gosh, I bet he's so happy to see her ... No, she didn't have a formal plan — just a few things we'd talked about since she got sick."
"Perfect," said Sam, jotting down notes on the form. "And did she and your father attend a church where the funeral will be held?"
"Well," said Clark, "Carol's husband's was at the Episcopal church. Your mom's funeral will be there too, babe, right?"
"I guess so," shrugged Jennifer, "though Mom hasn't gone to church for a long time. Mostly what she kept saying is that we shouldn't go to any trouble. Mom always took care of everyone else, you see," she said, turning to Sam and John. "She didn't like the idea of us having to worry about her. It was hard enough for her that we had to take care of her the last few months."
"It sounds like she was a wonderful mother," said Sam. His gentle voice was sincere.
Jennifer's face crumpled and her shoulders shook. "Does everyone cry this much?" she sobbed.
"Just our favorites," said John.
Soon it was time to head upstairs. Sam and John carefully placed Carol Williams' body on the gurney and pulled the blanket they'd brought up to her shoulders. Jennifer and Clark followed as Sam and John wheeled it outside and slid Mrs. Williams into the funeral home van.
"We'll take good care of her," Sam assured Jennifer, confirming that they would be preparing Carol's body for viewing. "And I'll see you tomorrow for the arrangement conference. Here's my card with my cell phone number. Please call me whenever you have a question or concern, night or day. That's what I'm here for."
In the rearview mirror, John Knight could see Jennifer and Clark standing arm in arm in the driveway as the van pulled away.
"Nice family," commented Sam.
"Yes indeed," said John Knight. "Good people."
GRACE GATEKEEPER
When Grace leaned in to knock on the Williams' family's door, she stopped herself mid-lean. "Tell me again what you know about Carol Williams?" she asked her boss, John Knight.
"Only that she is eighty-two and had pancreatic cancer," said John. "Her health declined rapidly, and Home Hospice has been helping take care of her here at her daughter Jennifer Jones' house."
"Got it," said Grace and knocked.
"Hi, Mrs. Jones," said Grace when a bleary-eyed woman answered the door. "My name is Grace. I'm with Knight & Day Funeral Home. And this is John Knight, the funeral home's owner. We're here to meet your mother and help you and your family."
"Oh!" Jennifer said. She smiled ruefully and shook her head. "I didn't realize it was already morning. We've been sitting with Mom, but I guess it's time for her to go."
"Not yet!" said Grace. "We all have to get to know each other a bit first. May we come in?"
Jennifer invited Grace and John into her kitchen, where she offered them a cup of coffee.
"I would love some coffee," said Grace, "but would it be OK with you if we visited your mother for a minute first?"
"Oh, of course," said Jennifer. "She's upstairs."
Grace and John followed Jennifer up the carpeted stairs and into the first bedroom on the right. "Here she is," said Jennifer, fondly smoothing back her mother's silvery hair. "Of course, she's much thinner now than she was a few months ago, before the cancer — too thin."
"You wouldn't know it to look at her now, but Carol was a real pistol," said Jennifer's husband, Clark, who had sidled into the room and placed his hands on his wife's shoulders.
Grace approached the bed and smiled down on Carol Williams. "Hello, Carol," said Grace, touching the old woman's hand. "I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you before now, but I promise I'll be taking good care of you and your family."
"Do you think she can hear you?" asked Jennifer, puzzled.
Grace smiled. "I think it's possible. But either way, I want her — and you — to know that being a funeral director isn't just my job. It's my passion. Every person who has died and every family I help is unique and special to me."
The foursome returned to the kitchen and sat down for a cup of coffee.
"You're awfully young to be doing this kind of work, aren't you?" Jennifer asked Grace. "You can't be much older than my sons."
"I've been working at Knight & Day for a few years already," said Grace. "Ever since my own mom died, I knew it was what I wanted to do."
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "A Tale of Two Funerals"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D..
Excerpted by permission of Center for Loss and Life Transition.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction 1
Chapter 1 Meet the Directors 7
Chapter 2 The Transfer 15
Chapter 3 The Preparation 23
Chapter 4 The Arrangement Conference, Part 1 33
Chapter 5 The Arrangement Conference, Part 2 43
Chapter 6 The Arrangement Conference, Part 3 53
Chapter 7 The Arrangement Conference, Part 4 63
Chapter 8 The Visitation 71
Chapter 9 The Funeral 79
Chapter 10 The Committal 89
Chapter 11 The Gathering 95
Chapter 12 The Aftercare 103
Epilogue 111
A Final Word 119