Table of Contents
Preface xiii
Introduction: What Really Matters xvii
1 Getting Started 1
Here We Go … 3
Joy: Yes, It's Fundamental 3
The Real Purpose of the Engagement 5
Brainstorming with Your Partner 9
Bringing in the Families 14
The Ami To-Do List 21
Remember What You Care About 22
2 The Basics: Who, Where, When, How 25
The Magic of Weddings (Anywhere Works) 26
Who: The Guest List-How Hard Can It Be? 29
Where: The Quest for a Wedding Venue 34
When: Can You Get Legally Married in the Morning? 46
How: Food-No, It Doesn't Need to Be Dinner 48
Dream It … Do It 50
3 The Budget 53
How Much Does a Wedding Cost? 54
Who Pays? (And What Does That Mean?) 64
Sane Budget Rules 69
Yes, Paying for a Wedding Sucks 70
4 Battling the Myth of "Tradition" 75
It Didn't Used to Be This Way 76
A Brief History of Weddings in America 77
What My Parents' 1974 Wedding Would Cost in 2020 86
What Is Tradition Anyway? 91
Etiquette Isn't About Spending Money 92
Simplicity Rules 95
Reclaiming Traditions 100
5 In the Party-Planning Trenches 103
Oh! You Mean I Have to Plan This Thing? 104
More Decisions (Yes, They Keep Coming) 107
And Yes, Wedding Style 115
Planning a Wedding in the Age of Social Media 123
Ditch the Rest 126
6 The Hard Stuff 129
On Loss 130
Fighting and Crying: It's Normal 130
The Bridezilla Myth: Making You Crazy, Then Calling You Crazy 135
Cold Feet 136
Your Wedding Is Not an Imposition 142
Planning a Wedding When Life Hurts 143
The Power of Weddings 150
7 The Ceremony 153
The Ceremony: Making the Vows That Change You 154
Issues of Faith 155
Finding an Officiant 157
Constructing Your Own Ceremony 158
Transcendent or Not: The Gritty, Real Onceness of It 163
8 One Wonderful, Wildly Imperfect Day 167
Surviving Your Wedding (Sane) 168
Planning: That Color-Coded Spreadsheet Is Actually Worth It 170
Wedding Stage Manager: Nothing More, Nothing Less 175
Asking for Help (Yes, You Need It) 179
Maintaining Control: The "I'm Going to Kill You" Moment 180
Letting Go: The "F*ck It" Moment 182
Embrace Imperfection 183
The Day Itself: Staying Present for the Whole Imperfect Thing 184
The Great Thing About Weddings Is You Can't Ruin Them 187
9 It Actually Wasn't the Best Day of Your Whole Life 191
The End, and the Beginning 191
The Honeymoon: Time to Absorb the Inexplicable 194
Toward Brave Marriages 196
Afterword 199
Selected Sources 201
Acknowledgments 203
Index 207
About the Author 217
