Read an Excerpt
A Mother's Journey
Through Faith, Hope, and Courage
By Lisa Brodeur AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2013 Lisa Brodeur
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4918-2406-1
CHAPTER 1
Feeling sick to my stomach, not knowing what was wrong, feeling nauseated and then vomiting, I wondered, Could it be? Filled with joy and a hope that it was real, I soon realized that it was. I was pregnant!
I felt excitement and fear of what was ahead, and all the little flutters grew stronger and turned into kicks that woke me up at night. How I loved to rub and hold my belly, as I never had before, forming a love like no other. Then the pain started and turned into long, hard, painful contractions; the waiting to be told that it was time to push; and the burst of energy after fifteen hours of labor.
Finally, out came a little face, a handsome little baby boy with tiny fingers and toes. Looking at mommy for the first time, he cried, wanting to be held close and to feel the warmth of my body. I heard his little cries of hunger, day and night, as he waited to be fed, loved, held, and nurtured, knowing that he was loved by his mommy and daddy.
His little hands grew, and then he was sucking his thumb, holding his bottle, clapping, sitting up, crawling, and getting into everything. Before I knew it, he was walking and starting to talk, saying "juice" at the refrigerator and wondering where daddy was.
As he got older, I heard his footsteps as he ran around, his cute little voice so soft and gentle, his little arms reaching around my neck and holding me tight as he gave me a kiss like no other. What a joy, this love of my life. How could I have been so lucky? He waited by the windowsill, waiting for daddy to come and crying because he never came. Headed to preschool, he feared separation from me, not knowing what to expect. Soon he realized that his mom would be back, and his fear diminished as he had fun and made friends.
With the toddler years at an end, he grew into a kind and softhearted youth, playing T-ball, soccer, and basketball, joining the Cub Scouts, developing great coordination for bike stunts and rollerblading, and trying any activity that presented itself. This child was full of life and adventure, full of excitement as he came home coated in mud after catching a bullfrog in the river across the way.
What a son I have, I thought. I felt blessed as he taught his young sisters to love nature and life. He was so innocent, and yet I realized that his life was also painful. He missed his father, not understanding why he wouldn't be in his life. He cried behind a dumpster, wondering what he had done that was so wrong. He knew the man who was raising him as his own loved him, and he felt blessed to have him, but he was still confused.
Youth progressed to the adolescent years. He still wondered why his life was this way, but he knew his mommy loved him and a man he called daddy. He loved his dad like no other—as a friend, playmate, and teacher—and they shared a special bond that could not be broken. He learned kung fu and hockey, along with his other sports, which kept us very busy, and he enjoyed his sisters and family and going to school. Growing into a fine young boy, he realized that Santa Claus was not real and that fantasy was only fantasy.
When he turned ten years old and went into fifth grade, Kyle walked to school with his friend. At times he cried, not wanting to leave me, afraid of separation. But he came home after school every day and soon realized that his new school was fun and his teacher was awesome.
Kyle enjoyed a day of shopping with his sisters, Daddy, and me. He was excited to get home and show off his new rollerblades to me. He got in the van, put on Daddy's CD, and sang Daddy's soft music. The van went around a corner, and suddenly there was a crash, a big bang—and Kyle was getting weaker and weaker, his heart getting slower by the second. He didn't know what was happening. How could this be? All he wanted was to try his rollerblades!
But now he was fighting for his life.
CHAPTER 2
Mike and I honeymooned in Cancun, Mexico. The ocean was so blue, and the Mexicans were very nice—and drove very fast. Families sold custom-made jewelry, blankets, dolls, and shirts, trying to raise money—and there was my husband, trying to bargain to get a good deal. That's my Mike, always trying to save money. We had a great time, lots of one-on-one time and lots of romance. It went by so fast. It was a new beginning for the three of us, as we were a family now.
Kyle asking Daddy or me, to take him to soccer, baseball, basketball, kung fu, hockey, or Cub Scouts. Depending on what season it was, he kept us busy. Kyle was a very athletic young boy who loved sports and had great balance and coordination. He liked school, but he didn't love it. He hated homework, as he would rather be outside, running, rollerblading, or riding his bike.
Mike and I decided we wanted kids as soon as we could, since Kyle was already five. I got pregnant during our first month of marriage, and we were very excited. Kyle was even more excited. I always felt very sick and vomited a lot, especially during the first and last trimester, but I still managed to gain a lot of weight. Every night, Mike and Kyle felt the baby kick. Kyle wanted a brother, but Mike said he didn't care about that because he had his son already. He had Kyle. Mike had been with Kyle since Kyle was a year and a half old, and he couldn't have loved him more.
When it was time for an ultrasound, we wanted to know the news, and it was confirmed that we were having a little girl. Mike was thrilled: a little daughter, Daddy's little girl. I wanted a daughter also, and I was excited to buy all the dresses and bows. My baby shower was very nice, and I received everything I needed for our little bundle. Mike wanted to name our baby Madison, but I said no. I wanted to name her Kimberly after one of my friends. I suggested we name her Kimberly Madison, and he said okay, that we would do whatever I wanted.
Mike and I both worked at United Lens. We loved our jobs and the people we worked with. UL was very special to us, as this was where we had met and fallen in love. Mike and I had decided that when we had children I would no longer work full-time, so I could concentrate on raising our children. When I went into labor at work, I didn't want to leave, as I knew it would be my last day. I wanted to finish the work on my desk before I left, and my coworkers and boss were worried. They called Mike to come and take me home, but I refused. I had to finish what I'd started. You could say that I was stubborn, but leaving and knowing I wasn't coming back was very difficult for me. Mike just wanted us to go home and get ready to go to the hospital.
I finally left United Lens and went home, but I refused to go to the hospital. I knew it would be a long labor, and I didn't want to be at the hospital too early. Instead, trying to waste time, I said I wanted to go out to eat at the Kahula. Off we went—Mike, Kyle, and I. Aunt Jean, our waitress, was a nervous wreck when she found out I was having contractions. I couldn't eat; I just wanted to pass time. Later that night, I decided to go to the hospital, knowing it would be a very long night. Mike was very attentive to me, giving me ice chips and massaging me. He was great until early morning when he fell asleep, and then I needed ice chips and he wouldn't wake up! I yelled his name and threw stuff at him to finally wake him up.
My daughter Kimberly was born later that morning. Mike was all dressed up in the hospital scrubs, laughing and saying, "It's a girl! Now I have a wedding to pay for!" He was so excited. He came over to me and said, "Good job, Lisa," and gave me a kiss. Kimberly was so cute with her little rolls of baby fat and her light-brown hair. She weighed eight pounds, five ounces. I just couldn't wait for Kyle to meet his little sister.
My mother brought Kyle to visit his little sister. He was so excited, he couldn't wait to hold her, and he did a great job. Kyle actually did better than Mike did, because Mike was so nervous. If the baby cried, Mike wanted to know if Kyle wanted to hold her. It was hilarious, watching a grown man be so nervous, so afraid that he would drop her that he would ask a five-year-old to help.
The next day we brought our little bundle of joy home, we were so happy and excited. Kim seemed to grow very fast, and we enjoyed her very much. She walked at nine months of age. Kyle taught her a lot and always played with her. She was a tough little girl. Every night, Mike gave her a bath and then played with the two children before bedtime.
The first year went by fast. We booked a family vacation to Disneyland. Kyle was six, a great age, and Kim was turning one. We had a great vacation, and the kids loved the Disney characters and the parade and light shows. The highlight of the trip was when we met Michael Jackson at a show. My Mike was so excited that he took Kyle and went to get Michael's autograph. I stayed seated and felt bad for Mike, as I wanted Mike to just let Michael Jackson enjoy the show, but Mike was very excited and even started videotaping. Mike and Kyle had a great night, and Kyle was grinning ear-to-ear as he held his autograph from Michael Jackson.
After breakfast on our last morning there, I started to feel sick. I told Mike that I was nauseated and felt like I was going to vomit. He said, "Oh boy!" I said excitedly, "I bet I'm pregnant." I wanted another little girl, and I wanted Kimberly to have a little sister. I would buy a pregnancy test as soon as we got home.
Mike was at his baseball game, when Kyle, Kimberly, and I went to go see him. With a big smile I said, "You're going to be a daddy!" He said, "Oh boy! Don't tell my mother until I am home." When Mike arrived home, his mother came over. He told her, "Lisa's pregnant!" Rita said, "Oh boy! You're going to be busy."
Kim had just turned one, but we wanted our children close together in age. Mike and I were both the youngest of eight children. Our birthdays were only one day apart in September, but there was a nine-year difference. It was great that we had siblings close in age, and I was glad that our children would be born close together also.
Mike and I got along great. If a decision had to be made, we did it together. He left the kid stuff up to me, and he took care of all the bills and problems. I had no worries, as he made my life stress-free. I just concerned myself with cooking, cleaning, shopping, and taking care of the kids. If the kids ever needed something, all I had to do was tell him, and off we went to get it. We never went without. We were very blessed in that way—and to have found each other.
Kyle loved his little sister Kimberly. He always spent a lot of time with her, comforting, feeding, tickling, and teasing her. By the time she was two years old she was a little tomboy. He even taught her how to jump out of her crib. Even though there was a five-and-a-half-year difference between them, he spent much quality time with her, and she loved her brother. When Kyle found out that we were going to have another baby in the house, he was happy, but I could see that he was also jealous.
This pregnancy just seemed to fly by. I was sick and vomiting a lot, and of course I gained a lot of weight again, but Mike never complained. He just said, "You're pregnant. You'll lose it afterward. Don't worry." Mike and the kids loved to rub my belly at night to see if the baby would kick or move. We found out that we were having another girl, and we were thrilled, as I'd wanted Kim to have a sister.
Katie was born on December 30, 1993. She was big, with so many little rolls, and she weighed eight pounds, twelve and a half ounces. This time it was a very fast labor. We were glad she arrived after Christmas and before the New Year, as Mike wanted the tax deduction. That's my Mike, always thinking.
Coming home with Katie was so nice. Now that we had three kids, I was very busy. I was nursing a newborn, Kim was only twenty months old, and Kyle was six years old. Kyle and Kim were very jealous, as the baby consumed much of my time. I included the older kids in Katie's care—bathing, changing diapers, dressing her, or just holding her. Especially while I was nursing, I would read Kim a book.
When Mike came home, he was a big help. He always handled bath time and played with the kids on the floor. We had to take Kyle to some activity every night, and of course we helped him with homework. We were a great team, getting everything done. Mike's mom loved to rock the girls and sing them nursery rhymes. She just loved them so much. Uncle Ronald, Aunt Gloria, and Aunt Jean came to visit at least once a day. It was so nice living next to family. I was never lonely, and a helping hand was always available if I needed one.
When Katie was one and a half years old and Kim three, I was asked to come back to work at United Lens, part-time. I was thrilled, but Mike wasn't. He didn't want me going back, as he thought I was busy enough. I wanted to, so I took the job—three hours a day, five days a week. It was perfect for me. Mike agreed but not happily, as he was worried about the kids. At first I had family sitting for us. Then, after a few months, I brought them to a sitter. The girls loved it, and the sitter Lori was incredible. It all worked out very well.
Our sixth wedding anniversary was coming, and I had saved enough money to surprise Mike with a trip to Las Vegas. I knew he had always wanted to go, but we'd never had the chance, especially having two little ones. On our anniversary, Mike took me out to eat, and I gave my gift to him then. I was in tears giving it to him, because I knew how happy he would be. He was in shock that I had saved enough money to pay for the trip. We took Kyle with us so he could visit his cousin that lived there. We had a wonderful time, and it's a memory I will never forget. It was a special anniversary, and I have spent the happiest years of my life with this beautiful man. I feel so blessed to have him.
Kyle was going through a stage of missing his biological father, not understanding why his father wasn't in his life. Over the years, he had come once in a while, but he was never consistent. There were times when Kyle waited by the windowsill for his father's truck to pull up, but he never showed up, and Kyle was heartbroken. Kyle wanted to know what he had done wrong. I explained to him that he had done nothing wrong. I never wanted to talk negatively about his father, so I would say, "He must be working a lot, and he must be busy."
As time went on, Kyle still couldn't accept the way things were. He loved Mike more than anything, but he knew that his biological father was around, and he couldn't see him. One day he said to me, "How come I am not a Brodeur? Kim, Katie, and you are. I want to be too!" I gave him a hug and explained that he had his biological father's name and that I was a Brodeur because I had married Daddy. I told him we were all the same. Kyle said tearfully, "I want to be a Brodeur." I said I would talk to his dad and ask him if he would allow us to add Brodeur to his name.
I went downstairs in tears. Mike was worried and asked me what was wrong. I told him that Kyle felt that he didn't belong to our family because his last name was Tremblay instead of Brodeur. Mike felt awful and said, "What do you think we should do?" I said, "Do you think maybe we can add Brodeur to his name?" He said, "I think Kyle's father has to give permission for that."
I hadn't spoken to Kyle's father in a year or so, but I decided to call him. I asked him if he would be willing to add Brodeur to Kyle's name, explaining what Kyle was going through. He said, "No way," but I couldn't understand why, because he wasn't even in Kyle's life. Then he hung up on me.
I was upset when I told Mike that the answer was no. "Now what do we do?" I asked.
Mike said, "Lisa, what if I adopt Kyle? He's my son anyway. Why not make it legal? That way I never have to worry about losing him if something were to happen to you."
I was in shock. "Really? Adopt him? You wouldn't mind?" I knew that was a lot of responsibility to take on.
He said, "No, I love him. Once Kyle's father realizes what adoption means hopefully he will agree to it."
I called Kyle's father back and said nervously, "I have something very important to ask you."
He said, "What? I'm not doing a name change!"
I said, "I know that. But would you allow Mike to adopt Kyle? Explaining to him what adoption would mean. You don't see him, and he needs that sense of belonging to grow up healthy."
I said, "You would be giving up all rights to him, and Mike would be his legal father."
He said, "Draw up the papers, and I'll sign them."
I said, "Okay, I'll be in touch." I hung up the phone in tears and ran into Mike's arms, happy but feeling hurt, and told Mike, "He said yes! You can adopt Kyle!"
With a big smile, Mike said, "Now I will never have to worry about losing my son. I love that little boy more than anything, I'm so proud that he will have my name."
We both went upstairs to tell Kyle, as he was in bed. Mike said, "Kyle, how would you feel about Daddy adopting you?"
(Continues...)
Excerpted from A Mother's Journey by Lisa Brodeur. Copyright © 2013 Lisa Brodeur. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
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