Table of Contents
Looking Back ix
Part 1 Shock
Chapter 1 The Call 5
Chapter 2 Nine Days 13
Chapter 3 Saying Goodbye 19
Chapter 4 Send Me a Sign 27
Chapter 5 The Dark Night of the Soul 33
Grief
Chapter 6 Let It Out 43
Chapter 7 I Don't Know What to Say 51
Chapter 8 I Feel Your Pain 57
Pathway
Chapter 9 Follow Me 67
Chapter 10 His Books 73
Chapter 11 Planting Seeds 79
Chapter 12 Shasta Abbey 83
Chapter 13 Be Still 91
Chapter 14 Baby Buddha 99
Life
Chapter 15 I'm Still Here 109
Chapter 16 Passport 117
Chapter 17 Back to Work 125
Chapter 18 24 133
Part 2 Anger
Chapter 19 One Year 145
Chapter 20 White Sandy Beach 151
Chapter 21 Someone to Blame 159
Chapter 22 It Just Is 167
Meaning
Chapter 23 Scarecrow 175
Chapter 24 Robby's Shop 181
Chapter 25 All In 187
Chapter 26 Always Forward 193
Joy
Chapter 27 The Strong One 203
Chapter 28 Love and Basketball 209
Chapter 29 Mothers and Sons 217
Purpose
Chapter 30 Mothers and Movements 229
Chapter 31 Forgiveness 237
Chapter 32 Going Before the Judge 241
Looking Forward 245
Acknowledgments 253