5 Minutes to Stress Relief: How to Release Fear, Worry, and Doubt...Instantly
192
5 Minutes to Stress Relief: How to Release Fear, Worry, and Doubt...Instantly
192eBook
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Overview
Stress has three main fuels: worry, fear, and doubt. They act like little serpents that crawl into the lap of your life and wreak havoc emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
But you have the ability to identify and dismiss these serpents that are trying to hinder your ability to maintain inner calm, clarity of focus, and a motivated response to all of life.
5 Minutes to Stress Relief will give you the specific skills and tools to:
Stress is often called the silent killer. As someone who battled the stress of advanced cancer and divorce—simultaneously—Lauren equips you with the ability to successfully handle any stressful situation…instantly.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781601635372 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Red Wheel/Weiser |
| Publication date: | 04/22/2013 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 192 |
| File size: | 2 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
How Do You Manifest Your Stress?
Do any of the following statements sound familiar? According to the American Psychological Association:
~ Three-quarters of Americans experience symptoms related to stress in a given month, including:
~ 77% who experience physical symptoms.
~ 73% who experience psychological symptoms.
~ One-third of Americans feel they are living with extreme stress.
~ About one-half of Americans (48%) feel that their stress has increased in the past five years.
~ Money and work are the leading causes of stress (mentioned by 75% of Americans).
~ Physical symptoms of stress include:
~ Fatigue (51%).
~ Headache (44%).
~ Upset stomach (34%).
~ Muscle tension (30%).
~ Change in appetite (23%).
~ Teeth grinding (17%).
~ Change in sex drive (15%).
~ Dizziness (13%).
~ Psychological symptoms of stress include:
~ Irritability or anger (50%).
~ Nervousness (45%).
~ Lack of energy (45%).
~ Feeling as though you could cry (35%).
~ Stress impacts lives in dramatic ways:
~ About one-half of Americans say that stress has a negative impact on both their personal and professional lives.
~ About one-third (31%) of employed adults have difficulty managing work and family responsibilities.
~ More than one-third (35%) of employed adults cite jobs interfering with their family or personal time as a significant source of stress.
~ Stress causes more than half of Americans (54%) to fight with people close to them.
~ One in four people report that they have been alienated from a friend or family member because of stress.
~ 8% of Americans connect stress to divorce or separation.
~ Workplace stress costs more than $300 billion each year in healthcare, missed work, and stress reduction.
~ Workers who report that they are stressed incur healthcare costs that are 46% higher, or an average of $600 more per person, than non-stressed employees.
Corporate stress is one of the most common forms of stress in our society. Public speaking, job security, lateral communication, absenteeism, meetings, time crunch/deadlines, performance reviews, quotas, budgets, and phobias of crowds, closed spaces (elevators), and flying are among the top triggers of corporate stress.
Take action
Stress is simply a signal within your body that gives you the opportunity to identify and adjust your perception of any situation. You are not a victim to life unless you choose to be, and many people who suffer from workplace stress fall into that category.
Practice being the observer of your life instead of the reactor. Practice becoming a curious human being about everything that unfolds before you. When you play the part of watcher, you begin to remember that you have time to consider how you want to respond. Because we live in such a fast-paced society, we often fall victim to time. Carve out moments between what happens before you and your desired response to it. Practice slowing time down. By thinking before you react, you choose how you want to form your life.
Perhaps you have an old pattern of thinking that says, "I need to move quickly and respond instantly in order to achieve or reach my goals." However, if you created that program, you are in a position to change it to fit the kind of life you desire to create.
Ask yourself, "Am I living at a pace of life that lends itself to moments of inner peace?" If the answer is no, I invite you to reconsider the price you may pay with regard to your physical well-being. As Proverbs 13:30 says so brilliantly: "A heart at peace gives life to the body."
I am speaking from personal experience. As a Type A personality I burned the candle at both ends, and my body could not keep up. Because I did not take the time to align myself spiritually, emotionally, and physically, the random cancer cells had their way with me.
Infuse your days with moments of stillness. Throughout history, mankind has been able to encounter peace in the presence of stillness. This book will show you how to take back your ability to slow down time and realign yourself with what you value most.
CHAPTER 2What's Really Going on Behind All of the Stress?
What would you dare to do in life if you knew you could not fail?
— Unknown
When experiencing any stress in this life, it is beneficial to understand the beliefs you hold behind your stress. You form your choices by your thoughts; you form your life by your choices. It is also useful to explore the meaning behind the emotions and the words you use to describe the stress in your life.
Complete this sentence and write your response:
I feel stressed out when:
What causes stress in your life?
~ Fear of failure?
~ Unmet expectations?
~ Fear of not doing a good job and therefore fear of judgment?
~ Fear that you will not be able to handle the situation?
~ Fear that you are not enough, just as you are?
What is stress? If you look up the word in the dictionary, stress is a force that strains (for example, creates a great demand on one's emotions and resources) or deforms. You often give away the power to define whom you are to people, events, and circumstances in your life, thereby creating endless opportunities for stress.
Have you ever considered the possibility that you are complete, apart from any event or person in your life? How would that affect your daily stress level?
What emotions are behind your stress? Here are some to consider:
~ Fear.
~ Embarrassment.
~ Vulnerability.
~ Invalidation.
~ Anger.
~ Worry.
~ Doubt.
~ Guilt.
~ Shame.
Actually, stress is just the icing on the cake. The cake is the main emotion behind the stress, often disguised by a physical ailment (for example, back pain, headache, or neck pain). You hide your true emotions in the guise of physical pain, which is actually the physical expression of your emotional pain.
You often suppress your true emotions because you have grown up receiving messages such as: "Don't think," "don't feel," or "don't talk." Most emotional and physical problems are due to unresolved physical events that happened in your lifetime.
A "holograph" is a document written entirely in the handwriting of the person whose signature it bears. You take holographic pictures of the events in your life and then give those frozen pictures permission to define you.
All of these timeless holographs make up the matrix of your self-image. When one of your holographs is triggered (or downloaded), you explode. Afterward, you wonder, "Why did I overreact like that?" You are responding to the event at hand as if you were the age and emotional state when that holograph took place.
For example, you have a holograph from your childhood where your coach told you that you were uncoordinated and clumsy. Then, 20 years later as an adult, you are at a team-building event for work. You trip, a coworker laughingly jokes about your mishap, and you lose your temper. Your emotional response and anxiety are linked directly to that frozen moment from your past and not to the response of your coworker.
I have presented different ways to release stress in this book, so don't stress out if the concept of holographs confuses you. It's not necessary to understand the concept in order to release them.
If you take time to observe very young children, you will see that, by nature, they do not even know what stress is. Why? They do not have all of the disconnects and blocks in their body's energy system that you have created throughout your lifetime (because of your past pain in life) in order to, from your perception, survive.
When an emotion comes up in young children, it simply comes out. They continue on their way, remaining acutely present to the events at hand as well as honoring and accepting whatever emotion comes up without judgments. They don't try to analyze, interpret, or conclude as they experience life; they just experience life as it is in that moment.
As we get older and receive negative feedback on certain emotions that we freely express as children, we begin to experience stress or pressure to withhold our authentic self for fear of judgment. As adults, we forget that life is about experiences. Your emotions are meant to be experienced, not defined. You have allowed others to define your emotional state as good or bad, and acceptable or unacceptable, and you have built your sense of self-worth around other people's opinions of you.
Stress comes when you deny yourself the experience of your authentic feelings for fear of judgment. When you reconnect with your feelings and emotional state without judgment, you free yourself to love and accept all that you are, just as you are, in spite of any circumstance in life.
Behind the scenes of stress
"What am I afraid of?"
Behind every experience of anger is a fear. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself, "What if I fail?" Know that your definition of failure flows directly from your belief system (as explored in Chapter 3).
"What will other people think?"
When we worry about what other people will think, we end up becoming our own publicist and exhaust ourselves by protecting our reputation. We stress out doing daily damage control when we could be putting that energy toward learning, growing, and creating solutions.
"What am I worried about?"
The German word for worry means "to strangle" and the Greek word for worry means "to divide the mind." The word doubt means to be uncertain about something. Most of the time, stress is felt when you doubt yourself and your ability to handle a situation. Jesus spoke about the craze of worry in life: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matthew 6:27).
"Why can't I speak in front of that group?"
As you will discover later in Chapter 10, you can reframe any negative statement into a positive one.
For example, you can reframe "I can't do that!" with "I just don't know how yet," or "God, guide me through this experience of self-doubt back into remembering the power that dwells within me to move mountains." This practice will help you tune into available options for solution-based outcomes.
When you wake up and realize that this world is full of opportunities for learning and growth, you will be able to connect with creative solutions to any situation in life.
You are the main judge of yourself. Forgiveness and a willingness to seek out the lessons contained in each experience on Earth are essential in order for creative thought and action to flourish within you.
"Why do I feel disconnected and unsafe?"
Human beings need to feel safe and connected for inspiration, creativity, and productivity to take place. Positive feedback is a powerful motivator, and it can come from within, such as personal satisfaction and affirmation, or from coworkers and reviews. When you practice remembering your worth, the world around you will also begin to recognize and respond to it.
"Why isn't this situation what I thought it would be?"
Whatever you focus on grows bigger! Your focus is your choice. Releasing the negative energy of unmet expectations onto which you hold when you "resist what is" gives you the opportunity to shift that energy into creative solutions and empowerment.
When you address negative thinking by trying to replace it with positive thinking, you set yourself up for resisting what is really happening. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, and then seek the grace to move through that which you are feeling. Remember your worth and capability, and they will be your guide back to inner peace.
"Why do I feel unseen, unheard, and underappreciated?"
From your perspective, these feelings may be true; however, if you choose to stay in this energy, you will remain in a state of emotional paralysis.
Your inexhaustible need for approval from the world around you is truly an addiction and becomes the ruler of your life. You will rise and fall depending on how the world judges you each day, and you will continue to feel drained, depressed, and unmotivated.
The truth is that you are enough, just as you are. You may not know it yet, or perhaps you do, but you simply forgot that you are not the opinions of the world around you (as discussed further in Chapter 4).
Be careful of the different faces of "playing the victim" (for example, blaming, complaining, and judging). These faces are the quickest and surest ways of remaining "stuck" in your journey of life. This behavior serves no one — especially you.
Taking full responsibility for your life leads to empowerment and speaks to this statement:
I believe I am capable of handling anything. I have full confidence in my ability to come up with creative solutions to this situation. The way to do what I want to do does exist; I simply have not yet tuned into it. Take action!
Become the watcher of your words. By your words, you define your life experience. The anxiety kicks in when your definitions of your life experience are incongruent with what is actually taking place. For example, you are turned down when you ask someone out on a date. You might take this one situation — or compare it to others in the past — and generalize your entire dating experience. This will keep you stuck in the negative mindset and you will bring that into the next situation.
When something like this happens, look at your entire time line of life, and find one or more examples that contradict your belief that nothing works out for you in dating situations. If you find one piece of information that contradicts your impoverished view of reality in any area of your life that is not "working out," you open up your ability to tune into other pieces of information from your life experience that invite you into positive perceptions.
Many times you will use universal quantifier statements such as "I never get anything done right," or "why does this always happen to me," or "nothing ever works out for me." Be careful about using these universal quantifiers, such as "always," "never," "nothing," "nobody," and "everything" to define your life experience. They produce all-or-nothing thinking, which places restrictions on your ability to access solution-based thinking.
Practice using solution-based words when faced with seemingly difficult challenges, such as "I am willing to trust in my ability to tune into all available options," or "I have moved through challenges in my past, and I am willing to trust that I can do it again."
CHAPTER 3Messages We Get Growing Up
Whether you believe you can or you can't, you are right.
— Henry Ford
Often, I ask my clients to come up with a list of messages they learned as they were growing up. I invite them to explore the understanding that much of their stress flows from these false beliefs, which no longer serve them in life. Do any of the following messages sound familiar to you?
"In order to be loved and accepted, I need to be perfect."
Many people live in the prison of self-criticism, which usually accompanies perfectionism, and the need to be right and control situations, people, and outcomes in order to feel safe and connected.
I used to live in this prison until I was faced with death. At 38 years old, and one week prior to my final divorce court date, I was diagnosed with stage-3 breast cancer. Because of the nature of the cancer, and the extensive lymph-node involvement, I was told that I had a 50/50 chance of survival.
All of a sudden, the truth of who I am, which I forgot because of the pain and false beliefs in my life, became acutely clear to me: "I'm not all of those false beliefs and judgments that I have been protecting my entire life, thinking they defined who I am. I'm not my hair, breasts, or accomplishments, like getting my second-degree black belt." I began to say a daily mantra to help with the shift of self-perception:
Even though I believe that I need to be perfect in order to be loved and accepted, I am willing to love and accept myself anyway!
Even though I'm not perfect, make mistakes, and say things I regret, I am willing to feel worthy of love and acceptance anyway. I choose to remember my worth.
Even though the strength in my body is compromised because of the cancer, I am willing to remember that my greatest strength and protection flows from within my soul out through my body.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "5 Minutes to Stress Relief"
by .
Copyright © 2013 Lauren E. Miller.
Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Foreword by Les Brown,
Preface,
Introduction Don't Stress Out When You Read This Stress Relief Manual!,
Chapter 1 How Do You Manifest Your Stress?,
Chapter 2 What's Really Going on Behind All of the Stress?,
Chapter 3 Messages We Get Growing Up,
Chapter 4 Attachment and Happiness,
Chapter 5 Your Inner List for Love and Acceptance,
Chapter 6 Mental Muck Fuels the Procrastination Rut,
Chapter 7 When Priorities Are Clear, Decisions Are Easy,
Chapter 8 Three Essential Ingredients for a Stress-Free Environment,
Chapter 9 Whatever You Choose to Focus on Grows Bigger,
Chapter 10 Making the Shift,
Chapter 11 A Proverb That Can Save Your Life,
Chapter 12 Getting Your Energy Behind the Shift: Emotional Freedom Techniques,
Chapter 13 Quick Stress Relief Tips That You Can Do in Less Than Five Minutes!,
Chapter 14 Self-Appreciation Notebook,
Chapter 15 The Power of Gratitude and Random Acts of Kindness,
Conclusion A Moment of Peace,
Notes,
Index,
About the Author,