Table of Contents
Author's Note xi
Introduction|xiii
Glossary xvii
1 The Husbot 1
2 Skeletor 6
3 Frenemies 12
4 Props 18
5 Condiments Are for Hot Dogs, Not Wieners 23
6 Enter the Evil Professor 35
7 The Notorious K.E.N. 42
8 Call Me Crazy 44
9 Lady and the Tramp 50
10 Ken, Meet Fantasy Harley 59
11 Inception-Style, Muthafucka! 76
12 More Like, Billy I-Don't 79
13 Knock, Knock. Who's There? Ding-Dong. 87
14 My Tail Fell Off Again 95
15 Hocus Poke-us 100
16 Oh No, I Incest 103
17 Hoodie and the Blowjob 105
18 Hard Work (Pun Intended) 114
19 BB Suffers 118
20 The Worst 121
21 Somebody Call Oprah 125
22 Hansel and Metal 128
23 I Was in a Basement, Surrounded by Phantom Limbs 161
24 Bass Players Do It with Rhythm 166
25 Bonerversary 171
26 Guard Your Thighs 175
27 Skynet Has Become Self-Aware! Skynet Has Become Self-Aware! 180
28 When the SUV's A-Rockin' 183
29 Mark McKen 194
30 Mission(ary) Accomplished! 210
31 Stupid Safe Word 219
32 Leprechauns Love Anal 223
33 We Both Have Gmail Accounts. It's Like We Want to Get Fired. 228
34 867-5309 233
35 Hasta La Vista, Knight 236
36 Roses Are Red, Violets Are Assholes 242
37 What a Difference a Year Makes 243
38 Sex on the Beach 245
39 Adieu 254
40 Haiku of Shame 257
41 What's Your Beef with Breakfast, Ken? 259
42 Take a Picture. It'll Last Longer. 272
43 You Can't Always Get What You Want 277
44 Blue Balls 282
Epilogue: Actual Text Conversation with Dr. Sara Snow 285
Excerpt from Skin 291
Acknowledgments 311
About the Author 315
