12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid: Leading Your Kids to Succeed in Life

by Tim Elmore

Overview

You’re deeply committed to helping your kids succeed. But you’re concerned—why are so many graduates unprepared to enter the workforce and face life on their own? You’re doing your best to raise healthy children, but sometimes you wonder, am I really helping them?

Tim Elmore shows you how to avoid twelve critical mistakes parents unintentionally make. He outlines practical and effective parenting skills so you won’t fall into common traps, such as…

• making happiness a goal instead of a by-product
• not letting kids struggle or fight for what they believe
• not letting them fail or suffer consequences
• lying about kids’ potential—and not exploring their true potential
• giving them what they should earn

Find out why thousands of organizations have sought out Tim Elmore to help them develop young leaders—and how you can improve your parenting skills and help your kids soar.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780736958448
Publisher:	Harvest House Publishers
Publication date:	07/01/2014
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	240
File size:	708 KB

About the Author

Dr. Tim Elmore is the president of Growing Leaders, a nonprofit that provides 6000 public schools, universities, civic organizations, and corporations with resources that foster the growth of young leaders. He is the author of more than 25 books and speaks at more than 100 events annually.

Dr. Tim Elmore is the president of Growing Leaders, a nonprofit that provides 6000 public schools, universities, civic organizations, and corporations with resources that foster the growth of young leaders. He is the author of more than 25 books and speaks at more than 100 events annually.

Table of Contents

Introduction 7

The Overfunctioning Parent Quiz 11

"I Get an A, You Get a D" 15

Parents tend to think they're doing well, but their neighbors… not so much

Mistake 1 We Wont Let Them Fail 27

When we remove the possibility of failure, we dilute kids' motivation to excel

Mistake 2 We Project Our Lives on Them 39

When we project, kids are pressured to become someone they are not

Mistake 3 We Prioritize Being Happy 55

When happiness is the goal instead of a by-product, it is elusive and disappointing

Mistake 4 We Are Inconsistent 69

When we are inconsistent, we send mixed signals and breed insecurity and instability in kids

Mistake 5 We Remove the Consequences 85

When we remove consequences for actions, we fail to prepare kids for the future

Mistake 6 We Lie About Their Potential and Don't Explore Their True Potential 99

When we distort, disillusionment results from dreams that don't match kids' gifts

Mistake 7 We Won't Let Them Struggle or Fight 115

When we eliminate the struggle, kids are conditioned to give up easily without trying

Mistake 8 We Give Them What They Should Earn 129

When we give them too much, they don't learn the art of working and waiting

Mistake 9 We Praise the Wrong Things 149

When we affirm kids' looks or smarts instead of their virtues, their values become skewed

Mistake 10 We Value Removing All Pain 165

When we take away pain, kids' ability to endure hardship or loss atrophies

Mistake 11 We Do It for Them 179

When we do things for kids, they can become lazy unmotivated to grow, and disabled

Mistake 12 We Prepare the Path for the Child Instead of the Child for the Path 197

When we prepare the path, kids' childhoods work fine, but their adulthood looks bleak

Changing Our Minds About Kids 213

A new strategy for parenting, leading, teaching, and coaching our children

Notes 231

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"In our desire to be engaged parents, we sometimes do our kids more harm than good. We want to put them in a safe box, tell them not to leave it, and believe that all will be well. Tim's book inspires us to prepare our children for their adult lives, not our safe box! If we want them to thrive, we've got to equip them, and this book shows us how."
—Jeremy Affeldt, pitcher, San Francisco Giants

"Our best intentions as parents can often lead to a series of unintended consequences that could dangerously derail the emotional development of our children. Once again, Dr. Tim Elmore combines research-based wisdom and practical application to keep us on track as we strive to nurture, love, and lead our children well. Buy this book. It's destined to become the well-worn manual of every mom and dad."
—Tami Heim, former president of Borders Books, CEO, Christian Leadership Alliance

"As an educator and a student affairs practitioner with a background in mental health (and five children), I highly endorse this important perspective on parenting in today's culture. The world we live in is more complex than ever before. Parents and educators can highly benefit from this commonsense approach to the important tools of coaching, supporting, and challenging our youth to grow, to struggle, to learn, and to become the best people they can be."
—Julie Talz Cox, director of residential life, Purdue University

"The challenges of life don't get easier as our kids grow older. In 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid, Dr. Tim Elmore reminds us that leading well as parents is critical if we expect our children to meet these challenges in every phase of their lives. We must be intentional, now more than ever. This book shows us how to not merely care for our kids, but to help them care for themselves."
—Dayton Moore, general manager, Kansas City Royals

"When I first became a mom, I didn't really know what I didn't know. Like most parents, I learned valuable lessons from my mistakes. I wish I would have had Tim's guidance to help me back then. His researched and thoughtful approach makes this book a valuable resource for parents and other adults involved in the lives of children. The problem isn't that we neglect our children, but that we fail to prepare for each new life stage. Once again, Tim Elmore lays out a diagnosis and a prescription for what caring adults can do to help children mature."
—Jo Kirchner, president and CEO, Primrose Schools

"As someone who teaches, advises, and researches college students, I found that 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid provides a relevant, practical framework for recognizing students' needs, understanding my role in their development, and acknowledging the way I can unknowingly hinder their progress. I recommend this book to any educator, especially those who work with students in transition. The 12 research-based mistakes are actually guideposts, offering us a lens to see the potential of who and what kids can be. Tim's voice is one of a mentor and a coach—asking powerful questions and sharing practical advice to bring out the best in us so we can bring out the best in our students."
—Kerry Priest, assistant professor, Kansas State University School of Leadership Studies

Editorial Reviews

"In our desire to be engaged parents, we sometimes do our kids more harm than good. We want to put them in a safe box, tell them not to leave it, and believe that all will be well. Tim's book inspires us to prepare our children for their adult lives, not our safe box! If we want them to thrive, we've got to equip them, and this book shows us how."
—Jeremy Affeldt, pitcher, San Francisco Giants

"Our best intentions as parents can often lead to a series of unintended consequences that could dangerously derail the emotional development of our children. Once again, Dr. Tim Elmore combines research-based wisdom and practical application to keep us on track as we strive to nurture, love, and lead our children well. Buy this book. It's destined to become the well-worn manual of every mom and dad."
—Tami Heim, former president of Borders Books, CEO, Christian Leadership Alliance

"As an educator and a student affairs practitioner with a background in mental health (and five children), I highly endorse this important perspective on parenting in today's culture. The world we live in is more complex than ever before. Parents and educators can highly benefit from this commonsense approach to the important tools of coaching, supporting, and challenging our youth to grow, to struggle, to learn, and to become the best people they can be."
—Julie Talz Cox, director of residential life, Purdue University

"The challenges of life don't get easier as our kids grow older. In 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid, Dr. Tim Elmore reminds us that leading well as parents is critical if we expect our children to meet these challenges in every phase of their lives. We must be intentional, now more than ever. This book shows us how to not merely care for our kids, but to help them care for themselves."
—Dayton Moore, general manager, Kansas City Royals

"When I first became a mom, I didn't really know what I didn't know. Like most parents, I learned valuable lessons from my mistakes. I wish I would have had Tim's guidance to help me back then. His researched and thoughtful approach makes this book a valuable resource for parents and other adults involved in the lives of children. The problem isn't that we neglect our children, but that we fail to prepare for each new life stage. Once again, Tim Elmore lays out a diagnosis and a prescription for what caring adults can do to help children mature."
—Jo Kirchner, president and CEO, Primrose Schools

"As someone who teaches, advises, and researches college students, I found that 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid provides a relevant, practical framework for recognizing students' needs, understanding my role in their development, and acknowledging the way I can unknowingly hinder their progress. I recommend this book to any educator, especially those who work with students in transition. The 12 research-based mistakes are actually guideposts, offering us a lens to see the potential of who and what kids can be. Tim's voice is one of a mentor and a coach—asking powerful questions and sharing practical advice to bring out the best in us so we can bring out the best in our students."
—Kerry Priest, assistant professor, Kansas State University School of Leadership Studies

From the Publisher