Writing this book has been a journey of struggle, grief, and elation all at the same time. In 1998 while I was still incarcerated, a prison physician suggested I write a book. At about the same time, Bill Clinton uttered those words, "I did not have sex with that woman." I recognized the unspoken parts of the statement and how many of have changed the definition of sex to suit our needs. It is always an abuse of the other person.

Looking seriously at my behavior, talking with others, and reading about sexual abuse has encouraged me to share my truth. I feel fortunate to have found people who provided a mixture of confrontation, tough love, support, and encouragement. The love has nourished growth in me enabling to examine life assumptions and make the changes necessary to build a new life. There is no effort to defend my behavior, but I do want you to understand what my thinking was like at the time of the offense.

This examination creates understanding of sexual abuse and challenges many of the assumptions we make about people who sexually abuse children. To protect individual identies this book is written under a pseudo name.