Unless your child is an '80s villain, we can all agree that Brad, Todd, and Brandi with an "i" are all atrocious ideas.

With all the swagger of the Palmyra Pumpkin Princess, the Two Dollar Radio Guide to Naming Your Baby will help you name your child by calling attention to those names you should probably definitely avoid: Kyle (Just because there was one in your first grade class, and two in your wedding, doesn’t mean there needs to be another one in your family photo), Kiefer (Grand Marshall of "Truck or Treat"), Paige (She’s never really going to get it, but you’re not gonna stop trying). While we can't promise your child will be a success, we can provide you with the tools necessary to ensure your child will not be an epic failure.