Hey, it's a parody. But it's greatparody. The
author, who for obvious reasons prefers to keep a low profile, gets
inside the head of Bill Gates with uncanny accuracy.
Tuesday, May
27
It's interesting to see how the big fear of
Microsoft has died down. When we were just dominating the
operating system (DOS and Windows) and productivity software
market (with the best word processor, spreadsheet, and database)
there was big-time paranoia and anti-MS sentiments. Now that we're
poised to dominate PCs, TVs, palmtops, broadband Internet deliver
via Teledesic's satellite network -- and leveraging a whole bunch
of our MSN and MSNBC content ... well, in comparison, the silence
is deafening. But, hey, why should I complain?
Maybe everyone has given up fighting the
inevitable. I mean, resistance IS futile. And with our stock still
surging upward, Microsoft is now the third largest (market cap)
company in the world. Only Coke and General Electric are stopping
us from assuming our rightful place. Hey! That big #1 spot won't
be long now! Can there be any doubt about who's the most powerful
man on the planet? (Hint: he's the richest. Another hint: it's ME,
dummy!)
* * *
Wednesday, July 2
It still seems to be mergers and acquisitions
season ... Electronic Arts (games dudes on the big downhill) have
snapped up Maxis (the Sim-Stuff people), and the merger between
Fractal and Metatools is now complete. Their blurb claims they've
become the world's largest vendor of create software... But that's
us! So ... they're more like the world's largest collection of
brain-fried clueless acid heads!
The great thing about having a house with over
twenty bathrooms is never having to ask, "Where do you want to go
today?"
* * *
Monday, July 21
Man, I hate it when I have to do this ... OK,
Rob, you're not the total loser I thought you were when you said
you were leaving us to develop an Internet sound thing. But I
can't believe we couldn't do this stuff in-house! I suppose Nathan
was too busy playing with his Humvee and writing Slate
articles to develop some cool audio and video technology for the
Net.
Instead I've had to eat a big slice of that
humble pie and license RealAudio and RealVideo streaming
technologies from Rob Glaser's Progressive Networks. And I'm sure
we'll have to pay him way more money than he was getting when he
worked here. That really hurts. I guess it wouldn't be so bad, but
Rob really thinks that my management style sucks. That's so
random! Would I be so rich if I wasn't a great manager?
It's almost worth buying the company just so I
can get him back here and shout at him again. And, hey, it's
definitely worth it to stop Netscape getting their hands on all
that groovy Internet functionality ... that will make IE so much
better than Netscape's browser thing. (Whatever it's called these
days.)
In fact, with the right spin it'll look like I
planned it all along. Heck, I DID plan it all along. I knew Rob
needed to follow his entrepreneurial instincts, and I encouraged
him to make it on his own! He just needed that push to get started
and develop this awesome technology.
And then I'll buy it. (Yeah! I'm just so
smart!)
* * *
Saturday, September 13
Melinda and I just watched Independence
Day on video. Totally noncredible. AS IF! I mean, the alien
mother ship's operating system wasn't even Windows!
* * *
Tuesday, December 30
Everyone was in high New Year spirits today. I
heard a great joke when I was standing by the
photocopier...
Q. What's the difference between Bill
Gates and a Rottweiler.
A. A Rottweiler will eventually give up and
let go!
Ha-ha-ha! I just love the friendly office
banter we have here at Microsoft! (Note: I must remember to ask
Melinda what a Rottweiler is tonight.)
--Dr. Dobb's Electronic Review of Computer Books
