You Can Lead a Politician to Water, but You Can't Make Him Think: Ten Commandments for Texas Politics

You Can Lead a Politician to Water, but You Can't Make Him Think: Ten Commandments for Texas Politics

by Kinky Friedman
You Can Lead a Politician to Water, but You Can't Make Him Think: Ten Commandments for Texas Politics

You Can Lead a Politician to Water, but You Can't Make Him Think: Ten Commandments for Texas Politics

by Kinky Friedman

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Overview

And Kinky Said Unto the People: Why the Hell Not?

So the good people of Texas weren't able to get the Kinkster into the Governor's Mansion in 2006. It was a solid race, and he fought the good fight. Getting on the ballot as an independent -- a feat that had not been achieved in over a century -- was a victory in itself. And with ideas like "slots for tots" (legalized gambling to pay for education), the five Mexican generals plan (bribes to enforce border protection), and a firm stand against the "wussification" of the state, he would have done a helluva job.

If that 2006 election was any indication -- and it was -- the political landscape in both Texas and the country at large needs a significant overhaul. The hucksters, the wealthy, and the twofaced rule; there is no room for Truth, and the little guys are quickly forgotten in all the muck. But Kinky, (briefly) down yet certainly not out, is still looking out for his fellow Americans, and he has much wisdom to impart.

In this hilarious, thought-provoking manifesto, Kinky lays forth his ten commandments for improving the state of Texas and politics everywhere, and for restoring order, logic, decency, and above all a sense of humor back to this country. It's classic Kinky in a brand new way. And he might just have a point.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781416553212
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Publication date: 10/02/2007
Sold by: SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format: eBook
Pages: 288
File size: 948 KB

About the Author

About The Author
Kinky Friedman (1944–2024) was a singer, songwriter, satirist, and novelist who led the alt-country band Texas Jewboys, toured with Bob Dylan, sang with Willie Nelson, and dabbled in politics. He wrote eighteen books, including detective novels and essays.

Table of Contents


A Preface     1
An Introduction: Old Testaments and New Revelations     5
Oaf of Office     5
See Kinky Run     9
Dome Improvement     13
remember the Alamo and Keep it Holy     19
The Alamo of the Heart     19
A Band of Gypsies on a Pirate Ship     22
Blessed Is the Match That Kindles the Flame     26
Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Mudflaps, or, The Long-term Effects of Apathy upon the Yellow Rose of Texas     31
Never Say Fuck in Front of a C-H-I-L-D     39
No Teacher Left Behind     39
Suggestions to improve the education system in Texas     41
Increase teacher salaries     41
The Trust for Texas Heroes     41
Transfer sports funding     42
Get rid of "teaching to the test"     42
The Texas Peace Corps     44
How Do We Pay for All of This?     45
Thou Shalt Fight Wussification     47
WWWRD     41
Guinnessgate, 2006     51
God Bless Oscar Wilde     55
Thou Shalt Throw the Money Changers Out of the Temple, or, I Can Answer That for You, but I Can't Understand It for You     57
Suggestions for political reform in Texas     59
Same day voter registration     59
Mandatory voting     60
Fair ballot access     60
Initiative and Referendum     61
Fair and open debates     61
Publicly funded campaigns     64
Lobbying reform     64
Redistricting reform     65
Thou Shalt Not Bullshit, or, Sacred Teachings of the Butt-Sniffing Clan     67
K. I. S. S.P.     70
Suggestions for dealing with
Illegal immigration     70
Crime     72
Government spending/taxes     72
Perry's business tax     73
Thou Shalt Not Kill     75
Max Soffar     75
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy     80
My Pet Project     82
Thou Shalt Not Eat a Chicken-Fried Steak Bigger Than Your Head, or, Common Sense     89
What Has Six Balls and Screws Texans?     90
The Santa Anna Highway     92
The Five Mexican Generals Plan     95
Fuck 'em if They Can't Take a Joke     99
Criticize Me All You Want     102
The Only Two Good Balls I Ever Hit     103
Booze in the Blender     107
On the Road Again      110
Ask Not if You're Proud of Texas: Ask if You've Made Texas Proud of You     113
The Good Shepherd     115
Young Voices     117
I Have a Dream     118
Bird in the Hand     121
A Truth-Seeking Missile: A Tribute to Molly Ivins     123
Acknowledgments     129
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