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LIFE PROMISES for Couples

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Chapter One

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. Let love be your highest goal! 1 CORINTHIANS 13:13–14:1

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. 1 JOHN 4:11-12

I am giving you a new commandment: love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. JOHN 13:34-35

The Language of Love

After thirty years of counseling couples, I'm convinced there are five different ways we speak and understand emotional love—five love languages.

• Words of affirmation—using positive words to affirm the one you love

• Gifts—giving thoughtful gifts to show you were thinking about someone

• Acts of service—doing something that you know the other person would like

• Quality time—giving your undivided attention

• Physical touch—holding hands, kissing, embracing, or any other affirming touch

Each of us has a primary love language. One of these five languages speaks to us more profoundly than the other four.

Seldom, however, do a husband and wife have the same love language. We tend to speak our own language, and as a result, we completely miss each other. Oh, we're sincere. We're even expressing love, but we're not connecting emotionally.

Sound familiar? love doesn't need to diminish over time. The end of the famous "love chapter" of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, says that love is of great value and will last forever. In fact, the apostle Paul says that love should be our highest goal. But if you're going to keep love alive, you need to learn a new language—your loved one's language.

That takes discipline and practice—but the reward is a lasting, deeply committed relationship.

Life Promises

Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the law and the Prophets. MATTHEW 7:12, ESV

Let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1 JOHN 3:18, ESV

See what kind of love the father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. 1 JOHN 3:1, ESV

How may I Help You?

The word Christian means "Christlike." in the first century, Christian was not a name chosen by the followers of Jesus. Rather, it was a name given to them by others. Believers based their lifestyle on the teachings of Christ, so the best way to describe them was to call them Christians.

What if Christians really were Christlike? Central in Jesus' teachings is the command to love. In fact, in mark 12:29-31, Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love our neighbors. These commands supersede all others, because everything else flows out from them.

Love begins with an attitude, which in turn leads to acts of service. How may I help you? is a good question with which to begin.

Today is a good day to express love to our neighbors. In my opinion, that starts with those closest to us—first our spouse, then our family—and then spreads outward.

Life Promises

All of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. 2 CORINTHIANS 3:18

The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. PSALM 37:23

Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. PROVERBS 3:6

The Big Reveal

What do you know about the art of self-revelation? it all began with God. God revealed himself to us through the prophets, the scriptures, and supremely through Christ.

The same principle is necessary in marriage. Self-revelation enables us to get to know each other's ideas, desires, frustrations, and joys. in a word, it is the road to intimacy. No self-revelation, no intimacy. So how do we learn the art of self-revelation?

You can begin by learning to speak for yourself. Communication experts often explain it as using "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example, "I feel disappointed that you are not going with me to my mother's birthday dinner" is very different from "You have disappointed me again by not going to my mother's birthday dinner."

When you focus on your reaction, you reveal your own emotions. Focusing on the other person's actions places blame. "You" statements encourage arguments. "I" statements encourage communication.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from LIFE PROMISES for Couples by GARY CHAPMAN Copyright © 2011 by Gary D. Chapman. Excerpted by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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